4AM

I woke up this morning at 4AM.

I woke up to my head and my heart debating. 

It was a solid debate.

Both sides had valid arguments.

Neither could come to a truce. 

No decision could be made and I couldn't sleep.

An hour past in bed with these thoughts racing back and forth, and back and forth. 

So I did all there was to do. 

I ran. I have been scared to run. Mostly because my leg hurts and I have been babying my leg, but today marks two weeks since surgery its time to move. I guess I move when I want to. This picture is sunset in Spain, I took one this morning but I was in a running tank top and I am trying to post pictures that are modest. Running has this cathartic effect on me. It pulls out the scared parts of me and brings them to the surface so I can face them head on and look at them objectively. I popped my headphones in and The Killers song Be Still nestled its way into my ears and thoughts:

Be still
And go on to bed
Nobody knows what lies ahead
And life is short
To say the least
We're in the belly of the beast

Be still
Wild and young
Long may your innocence reign
Like shells on the shore
And may your limits be unknown
And may your efforts be your own
If you ever feel you can't take it anymore

Don't break character
You've got a lot of heart
Is this real or just a dream?
Rise up like the sun
Labor till the work is done

So as I look at two diverging roads, I am rooted to the spot I am in. One road is easy things are as they are nothing changes. The other road. The unknown road, the one where vulnerability lies and fear peeks over. The one where I have to face the girl inside of me that has parts still broken and bruised. The parts of me that I am babying and keeping safe because I am pretty sure this heart can't take another blow. So the debate is silenced for now and I am still. I will move when I want to.