The Kids Are Gone.

Do you ever watch the clouds? I love that. It is almost monsoon season which means we will be getting some good, white, puffy clouds. 

Every summer the kids go with their Dad for two weeks straight. I dread it. I know some of my friends will think I am crazy, they would LOVE two weeks without their kids. Let me tell you how this two week break has evolved for me. 

Your children are such a huge part of your life. When they join your little family they have this way of taking over everything. First they take over your body, wriggling around in there making it impossible for you to sleep, then your kitchen with their bottles and you know all those KID DOODADS you JUST had to have. Your laundry room is filled with jammies, and burp rags and blankets that need to be washed. They take over your car with this HUGE car seat and the shade screen on the window, and don't forget the stroller that takes up the WHOLE trunk of your car. They take up all your time, except for those few precious moments you get to shower and finally wash your hair and scrub your arm pits. Yes, I just said that. ITS TRUE. They take something else over, fully, truly and completely. 

Your HEART.
 I think this is what happens when you serve someone every day and night, you can't help but fall into complete love with them. So, all of these things are an adjustment sure but they are what begin to define your days, your life and if you are not careful YOU. 

I had to learn the hard way. My life as I knew it crashed and burned around me in epic proportions and all that was left was my kids. I dove headfirst into being their Mom. I was determined to weather this storm and shelter them the best I could from it. There were several problems that arose from this method of coping with divorce. First, I shared the kids with their Dad which left me with gaping holes of time every other weekend, holidays and TWO WEEKS alone in the summer, the second problem was I was absolutely and utterly exhausted. I mean the kind of exhausted where I could probably go to bed for two weeks and not wake up because my whole life revolved around them.  

Summer Break 2010:

First Break Alone. It was bleak. I curled up into a fetal position on the couch and stayed there. The whole time. Watching both versions of Pride and Prejudice and pretty much every other romantic English drama that made me feel like a total and complete loser, a failure at love. I was sick with worry, literally Flu like symptoms. I would forget to eat, lose ten pounds. Sleep? What is sleep? I didn't sleep. The days dragged by and when the kids came home I essentially looked like Winona Ryder in Beetlejuice. 

It was a good look for me. Half dead.

Summer Break 2011:
excerpt from Divorcing Dior July, 5
It was Unasian Daddy Long Legs Birthday today. You know the first birthday alone, stinks. I am just going to say it, it just does. It is LONELY and sad and so unsure. We went to Joe's Farm Grill where she got a free lunch and she shared it with me!  As we were sitting there this GORGEOUS blond dressed beautifully with thick long hair walked by with her hottie hubster. I said out loud, but I didn't really mean too I was just thinking it. I said, "Do you think if we want to get remarried we are going to have to look like her and be as thin as her?" Unasain Daddy Long Legs said, Yes. My lunch didn't seem so yummy anymore. I pretty much just felt fat. So I did what any woman would do, I came home from lunch and FLOPPED on my bed. I couldn't fall asleep to take a nap because I had been getting a MIGRAINE earlier and I took TWO EXCEDRIN!!! I was so mad. So I got up and cleaned the house, painted Aydan's room, did some laundry, the dishes, took out the trash, and unpacked four boxes of food storage that have been sitting in Aydan's closet for a year and put them away.

Year two: I just kept myself so busy that when the kids came home I was exhausted. BUT, I was learning because I had started running and hiking. I began to remember who I was, and the things that I liked to do that were fulfilling to me.  I was in counseling, and let me tell you something I needed it. I needed help learning how to navigate through this new life. I was the turtle..slowly and surely I would win the race.

Summer Break 2012:blog post June 2, 2012...

It's not what you have lost, its what you have left over that counts!

I have a lot left over. I thought I had lost it all, but in fact I did not. I have gained a new understanding of the purpose of life. I have been humbled. I have a closer relationship with my Father in Heaven. I learned how much my family REALLY loves me. I found out how much my friends REALLY love me. I have lost myself in helping others and serving my children. I have seen the true beauty in life, and I understand what is truly important now. I am happy. 

One benefit of getting divorced is that you lose a lot of money. Benefit you say? Yes, I think so. I have become the Mom I want to be. I am home, I do not have money to spend on frivolous things. I make bread, I can jam. I read chapter books to my kids. We are reading The BFG. It is one of my favorite books....ever. I have had to be resourceful and capable and use my smarts. Which in turn makes me feel, well More Capable! I used to pay a personal trainer $250.00 a month to work out with him three times a week, in a small group. Guess what I just found tonight that has been here ALL ALONG? My neighborhood has a GYM. I knew we had a gym but I had never been in there, it has a FULL CIRCUIT of machines to train on! I have to say, I do love to train with a personal trainer they push you harder than you thought you could work. Maybe one day I will be able to go back, fingers crossed. For now, it is important for me to work out, it keeps my stress levels under control. This is another thing I have learned. It is important to keep my weight down, because when it is down in the normal ranges for my height I feel so much better about myself. I mentioned that I was going to run a marathon this year. I am. Training begins June 17th. I went running tonight, a whole two miles. I kind of felt like a loser because it was hard. It was hot too. I then went and worked out my chest and shoulders at the neighborhood gym. It felt so good to sweat! 

A trick I use when I am running is of course my ipod. Then, I focus. I focus on something ahead of me a shadow in the road, a rock in the road, a crack in the gravel. I make these mini goals to make it to the next sign or shadow and before I know it my run is half over. This is a concept that I use in my life too. I used to get so bogged down by all of the things I had to do and get done. Now, I realize and I give myself permission to not have to do it all. My best is good enough. I make a few small goals each day, and when I reach them, I focus on the next small goal. Some of my daily goals are:

A quiet peaceful time to relax and read a book.

Scripture or Religious Study

Clean House (I choose one big job a day, bathrooms, mop the floor etc), Clean children, Clean and ready for the day myself

Time spent with my children

Time to exercise 

I also use the time before I am going to sleep after I have said my prayers to ponder the things I need help with, or answers to. I sometimes just use that time to be grateful for all that I have.

These are a few things I have learned that help me each day. They help me to be the Mom I want to be, the friend, teacher, daughter. I didn't do these things before the divorce and I was an unhappy person. I choose to be happy and to live a life of purpose and to do that I have found that these few things really help me A LOT!

You see, I am just starting to turn the corner. I have learned to be grateful, realistic, trust Heavenly Father, and the importance of quality time for my kids AND myself. I am balanced. I read this post today and I am just so thankful for the lessons I have learned and am still learning and I am happy.

Summer Break 2013

Don't get me wrong, I am still a very dedicated Mom. I have learned that even I need to refill my bucket and that it IS OKAY to do so. I also have learned that a great time to do this is when the kids go with their Dad. It is hard being a single Mom. It is true. Here is an example:

I had a conversation with UADLL at the pool the other day. One of my children was acting up. I won't tell you which one. This child had to have a little time out. I let the said child back into the pool after a few minutes of think time. As this child entered into the pool the SAME MEAN behaviors began again, and the arguing and teasing and fighting. So, I told this child to get out of the pool for another time out. I was met with the stink eye, words muttered under the breath and basically a really stinky attitude, followed by a BIG DRAMATIC PLOP onto the pool chair followed by a big SIGH. The child sat for what I determined was enough time, and I asked the child to come and talk to me where I WAS THEN BLAMED for the behaviors. The other child involved was asked to join us where they had an I'M SORRY FEST. The child that was in trouble then looked at me and said sorry VERY RUDELY. Like the child was so put out by me.  Which then took some time to work through.

After watching this whole thing UADLL said, (wisely I might add) "The hard thing about being a single parent when our kids act out like this is we don't have any back up. If our kids said rude things to us at least there was another parent to say..hey please don't talk to your Mom that way. Now we have to discipline, teach them how to respect us and each other, and comfort them all at once. Everything is on our shoulders."

The point of telling you this is so you will understand that being a single parent is hard and tiring and wonderful too. But it is imperative to use the breaks we have wisely. That is the time to refuel, get groceries and run our millions of errands, pay bills..etc. etc. etc.

I still dread my two weeks away from my kids, but this year...................I am going to SPAIN!

ADIOS AMIGOS! The Sunny D XOXO