Me Too

I am working on empathy and compassion. I think that I am very empathetic and compassionate but I have been told that it is not always my first reaction and that makes me sad. If that is the case or has been the case that is not what is in my heart. The truth is sometimes I am slow at processing certain things, I am not always quick to react in the way I'd really like to and sometimes I have to mull things over in my head before I know what to say. Trust me when I say if you get me quick firing information it never ends well because it is usually powered by emotion and not empathy.

However, I try to stick to the 24 hour rule,which I believe is a good rule. There have been many times I have received and e-mail, or someone has said something rude and I have put the 24 hour rule into practice. I wait 24 hours to respond to something that feels like conflict or anger. I also like it when people get back to me within 24 hours if I am the one asking the questions. It seems an appropriate amount of time for a response and it helps me to feel like I have been heard, and understood. It is a good feeling to feel understood. I am pretty sure that being ignored is the worst feeling on the planet. Like you aren't worthy of a response and that is a pretty crappy feeling. So, I try to answer in 24 hours at least. 

I think what we all need most in this world is to feel like we are not alone. 

We have all been given a special set of trials and problems that we can use to help others. We can draw from experiences and feelings to reach out and connect to others. As I have been thinking about empathy and compassion this week and how to have more of it I was presented with several opportunities to practice. 

I was first given examples.

I was the one needing empathy. I called my friend Heather and began talking to her about all of these heavy things I had been feeling. I had troubles and I didn't know how to hurdle them and the truth is she didn't either. What she did though was she gave me an example from her life when she was in a similar situation and hurting and how she moved forward. In that conversation it was like she reached out her hand and said, ME TOO. I knew I was not alone, and that made all the difference. 

I have had many Me Too moments recently. My Mom takes the time to talk to me and I know I can trust her and she is a wise judge. She is fair and she sees all sides. She also relates to me and will share things that say, Me too. I have been there, I can see where you are coming from. All of a sudden you don't feel like you are a weirdo with emotions but a person with feelings who is progressing through this life and figuring things out. Mom reached out her hand through her words of ME TOO.

Another Me too moment was last week I received a special package in the mail. It came with a letter that I have been carrying around with me for at least a week. You see, I can be very hard on myself. I don't really need anyone else to be hard on me because trust me when I say the work has already been done for you. I am my worst critic. My Aunt Margie sent me a letter of love and kindness. In her gentle way she reminds me a lot of Grandma. Her letter built me up. I never thought I needed words but that is not true. I don't need fake words. Words that are real and true and come from someone who knows you and in fact knows your whole story from the beginning are a powerful tool for good. In this letter Margie said, "you too know sorrow and joy." She was saying ME TOO. She reached out her hand 

with her words and empathy. 

A necklace made with one of my Grandpa's pencils for me from my Aunt. So So cute. 

I was then given opportunities to practice. 

In my class this week I had a student come up to me with tears welling up in his eyes. I asked him what was wrong and he said, "I forgot my homework." I replied, "That's ok!" He still had to have the consequence of missing recess...it is school policy. I asked him if he had a rough morning. He said, yes we were running late and I couldn't find my shoes and I left my homework folder on the counter. I looked him right in the eyes and said, I am so sorry you had a crummy morning! You know we have a morning just like that at my house at least once a week. He laughed and went back to his seat and I realized we just had a Me Too moment. Later in the day this same student was bugging everyone around him. He was hanging on them and just touching everyone and everyone did NOT want to be touched. So, I told him to come hold my hand and help me watch for the very best person walking in line. Now, normally I don't reward poor behavior but because I saw him with empathy I realized he needed his hand to be held and a little special attention. We walked behind the class, he calmed down, and picked the very best person in line and guess what....he was well behaved for the rest of the day. He needed someone to say, you aren't alone...ME TOO. 

Today, I was on my way to go to the temple. As I pulled in the parking lot a friend called me on the phone. I wasn't going to answer but I felt that I should. We talked about some things and then she filled me in on what had been going on with her the last few weeks. She had been in a car accident and the man that hit her was on a motorcycle and she couldn't get the scene out of her head. She had been racked with worry for this man and couldn't get any information about him or how he was doing. The laws where she lives currently are different than ours. Now, I have never had a motorcyclist hit me and crash. However, I have been to foreign countries where the drivers are crazy and don't follow any rules and could totally empathize with her. I know anxiety and worry and so I could empathize with her worry for this man. I also have been in a car accident and could relate to the anxiety that comes with driving after being in an accident. I could put myself in her shoes. I put her name in the temple and have had a prayer in my heart for her all day because I care about her. I couldn't reach out and give her a hug but I could say, ME TOO. 

Brene Brown says, "Practice courage and reach out!" Yes, I want to hide, but the way to fight shame and to honor who we are is by sharing our experience with someone who has earned the right to hear it-someone who loves us, not despite out vulnerabilities, but because of them. 

OR from one of the best books:

When we climb into someone else's skin and walk around in it our perspective sure changes we gain compassion and empathy. 

When I think of a man who has the most compassion for others and is a perfect example of empathy I think of Jesus Christ. I think of how he groaned for the Nephite children when he visited them. I think of when Simon Peter cut off the soldiers ear who came to take Jesus to the cross and Jesus then healed it. That is compassion, that is empathy. Think of the people he fed with fishes and bread because they were hungry and the people he healed. Along with the fact that he suffered for us in Gethsemane and  on the cross in a way I can not comprehend. 

He truly can say, ME TOO. 

One of my favorite teachers in the scriptures is King Benjamin. In Mosiah 4:19 He says, "Are we all not beggars?"

Don't we all need compassion, understanding, and people to stand in our shoes for a second so they can say, ME TOO. 

I will be better at standing in others shoes. 

XOXO- Me Too. The Sunny D