2 Unfortunate Events

Being single can be tricky sometimes, but having great friends makes it oh so much better! 

This is a picture of what I looked like at the fireside...sans heels. You know, because I am making an effort to go to singles stuff. 

Here is one golden example of why being single, LDS, and divorced stinks. BAD. I went to a great fireside tonight. I was feeling good. I had worked out pretty hard this week and I felt like (although I failed to do my hair today besides brushing it) well..I felt like I looked pretty good. I mean I even put on some lipstick. Anyway, The fireside was a good one, it was about Jerusalem and the places Jesus walked and that we don't have to actually GO to where Jesus walked to follow in his footsteps or feel the spirit. After the presentation everyone makes their way to the cultural hall which is basically a stage/basketball court/big room for church gatherings. There are always refreshments back there, this week it was cookies. Which I didn't eat because I was heading to Emilynn's for a waffle party. A girl has to show some restraint sometimes. 

I ran into a group of friends and had a great conversation, and finally made my way to the cultural hall. I stopped and chatted every few feet with friends until I arrived at the refreshment table. Emilynn and I had to let Cool Cucumber know that we were leaving to go to her house to get the waffles started. As I made my way to the refreshment stand I realized that I towered, TOWERED above just about every male there. I am 5'8 but with the heels I had on I was well over 6' tall. We talked to Cool Cucumber and as I turned I ran into a woman from the ward I grew up in. She and her husband were in charge of the singles activity that evening. I gave her a hug and said hello and then said, "Man I am taller than every guy here!" I then realized she was talking to another fellow from our old stake. In fact his younger sister was my friend growing up. She introduced us and I said, Oh I know your sister! She was my friend. Our conversation took a nosedive from that point complete with flames and loud explosions.

He said, "It will never work out between us, I live in LA." 

To which I wish I had replied...I would have to be interested in your pasty skinned, shar-pei forehead, scrabble-sized, yellow teeth first. However. I didn't. Because that is mean, but it did run through my head. (Oh my gosh you SHOULD HAVE SEEN THE LOOK on my friends face that had just introduced us.)

I said....slightly dumbfounded, "Wow. I can't believe you're already dumping me! That is the fastest relationship I have ever been in, under five minutes." And walked my five inches taller than him self away. My friend from the old ward by my side shaking her head. 

 I bet he lays awake at night and wonders why he's coming up on 40 and never been married. OH BROTHER. 

The wonderful Sunday firesides, you never know what you're going to experience. 

The second unfortunate event is one that haunts my dreams. The other day I made a big, yummy summer salad with avocado, corn, tomatoes, onion, black eyed peas and cilantro. You eat this tasty salad with corn chips. I made the salad because I had a huge bag of corn chips on my pantry floor. The Costco sized bag of corn chips. My kids were at their Dad's and I was just getting this yum left over salad out for my lunch. I had the bag of chips on the counter and I was HUNGRY. I had a hard workout earlier that morning. I popped one of the chips into my mouth. I grabbed a small handful to put on my plate when I felt a little tickle on my hand. As I pulled the handful of chips out of the bag a HUGE ROACH crawled of my thumb and onto the counter. I screamed loudly for everyone to hear. Except I was the only one home. Then my ninja reflexes grabbed my tennis shoe off my foot and smashed that roach with a loud, CRACK! 

Then I washed my thumb really well with ANTIBACTERIAL SOAP.

I lost my appetite. 

I had eaten one of the chips. 

I ran up the stairs and swished many times with Listerine and brushed and flossed my teeth thoroughly. 

I then called the exterminator. 

I am completely grossed out. 

It's even worse than being in a very short term, two minute relationship and being dumped because I don't live in LA. 

The End. 

The Sunny D