The Kid Crutch

My two favorite people

What is your crutch? 

You know your excuse you use to get out of things? You're to busy? You have to get to the gym? You have your kids? Work is just to crazy? etc. etc. etc. 

The other night my kids were with their Dad and I went to the movies. I was told by a man friend that I use "the kid crutch" to not date and be social. Hmmmm. At first I thought that this was just crazy I mean.....

1. My kids are REALLY important to me

2. They have lots of activities

3. I have a kid rule that when I have them, I focus 100% on them. The thing is like tonight is Thursday night. They have a swim meet and of course I am going, because that is what good Mom's do. They show up. Right? 

So this has been rolling around in my brain like that big marble in the marble bag. You know the one. The BIG marble. Do I use my kids as a crutch to not do single stuff? Maybe. The thing is they are only little for so long. I just don't want to miss anything. Plus, that is what I have always done. I have always been the one to show up. To be there. No matter what. 

I'll tell you what. I don't think I use my kids as a crutch. The truth is they are my #1 and everything else comes after. Family first. When I first got divorced I received a blessing that said: FOCUS ON your children, attending meetings, the temple and your calling. I have lived by those four things since I was separated. I truly believe that if I focus on those things the right person will come into my life at the right time. I have faith in that. 

I also thought now that it is summer and I am NOT as busy as my other crutch which is WORK....maybe I should go out sometimes. So I am. I accepted a date. It isn't that the men haven't been asking. I just literally did not have the time. Now I do.  So I said...sure why not. 

And then I was super anxious. Because it isn't like I totally like this guy it is just that I need to do this thing. You know. Then I realized that I don't really know this person and that is the purpose of dating. To make new friends. Love connection or not. 

And the anxiety that accompanied the acceptance of the date made me realize that maybe I do use my busy life with my children included as a crutch....just a little bit.  Because dating makes me so nervous. I mean I am so comfortable in my little schedule with my home and my kids. Plus, it is SO MUCH WORK. I promise. You have no idea. You have to shave your legs..which I have to do anyway because it is summer. Hair in a bun is not exactly an acceptable date hairstyle. Plus, the outfit..you have to look cute, wear make-up and have good breath and manners. And then there are all the what ifs of the date. YOU KNOW. The unknowns....

Then. Then there is this thing. The thing in the back of my mind. Not quite a marble but maybe like a little sparkle of glitter that says...maybe there is a guy out there who is really nice. Who you like and he likes you and its fun and lighthearted and not so stressful. Maybe he really likes buns, semi-hairy legs, no make-up and gym clothes? 

OK that's a pipe dream like marrying Mr. Darcy. 

However, I can clean up pretty well and most of the time I look and act socially acceptable. So, there is that little sparkly-sparkle sitting there in my brain. It is a symbol of hope for things to come. And. For now at least I will dip my toe back into the dating game. I have seen so many of my friends meet really great guys. Maybe it is my turn soon. 

SPANISH SASSAFRAS THIS ONE IS FOR YOU! Face the FEAR and Do it anyway!!! 

XOXO The Sunny D