Eternity is A LONG TIME

Love.

When I was in young women's I had this misconception that Return Missionary+Temple Marriage=Perfect Happy Life. This is just not true. I thought that once you had found your missionary and were sealed in the Temple you had MADE IT! OH YEAH! Complete this scene with a little yellow house with shutters, bright pink petunias and a white picket fence. VOILA! Into the eternities we skip hand in hand with our five perfect children. SOMEONE CUE THE PRIDE AND PREJUDICE SOUNDTRACK PLEASE! 

What I now know is that was just the beginning, not the end. I hadn't made it...I had JUST STARTED. What the heck.

At the ripe old age of 20 I was married, the first time. I had a checklist. Oh yes, the checklist. My checklist started with 1) HOT then scribbled out because hot couldn't really be your #1...right? So I put return missionary instead. Followed closely by speaks Spanish, great family, temple marriage, college student, fun, likes quads and Rocky Point. 

I married that guy. Exactly that guy. Except he did NOT speak Spanish. I am here to tell you  there is more to picking the right spouse for you. There are a lot of great things about that guy and I am grateful for the opportunity of learning and growth that I had by being married to him. 

I have learned however that there is more to picking a spouse than being fluent in Spanish. Now, these things are good...BUT Eternity is A LONG TIME!

What I wish my children to know:

His family might be AMAZING...but guess what, you don't marry them.

Looks FADE.

He might speak Spanish....OK....now what?

You'll probably be mad when he spends 10K on a new quad when you need a kitchen table for your house. For real. 

A return missionary is fantastic...DOES he/she have a REAL TRUE testimony? Is he/she still in contact with people he taught? Is there any sort of mission journal? 

You have to be happy, to be happy. Please do not ever think that someone else will complete you OR make you happy. You have to first be a whole person. Number One. Be the person you would like to marry. Period. When you are that person you will attract the type of people you are interested in dating. 

What types of things should you truly look for in a spouse? 

What is the state of the persons heart? Are they kind and tender to their Mothers? Children? Old people?

Can you talk openly and candidly with that person? Are your thoughts important and do you value theirs?

Will you make each other happy?

Are you compatible, do your personalities compliment each other? 

How does he/she feel about Heavenly Father? Do they have a relationship with him? 

Are they loyal, honest, trustworthy, dependable? 

Do you have the same goals and values? 

Are they willing to be a partner and helper? ARE YOU? 

Do you have fun together? 

Do you really KNOW THEM? Have you seen them in every "season?"

Have you prayed about it? 

These are the things that will help you get off to a good START. There are things that matter and things that don't. Truly. My list is longer. I was given the assignment to write down what I was looking for in a spouse. Do you know that looks never even came up? Attraction came up, but to me attraction is a whole other department than looks. I am so grateful to have learned the things I have learned about marriage. I am grateful I was married once. I truly have so many blessings because of it and I have perspective. 

XOXO. The Sunny D