Farewell Cool Cucumber, Thoughts on Marriage and Second Chances

Goodbye, Adam our kind friend. 

This weekend I had the opportunity to attend the marriage of Adam aka Cool Cucumber. Spanish Sassafras and I met him at a mid singles camp-out a few years ago. He quickly became our friend as we had come in an RV and the weather turned unseasonably CHILLY. I remember sitting around the table and talking and thinking.....maybe being single again won't be that bad. It was the first time I had single friends again. 

Adam is a dear friend and I am so incredibly happy for him and his new wife. He has been so kind to me. I knew I could always count on Adam to be in my corner, always kind. He will be greatly missed in mid-single land by us. He always knew of what fireside was happening and any activities going on. He always included us, we sure love that great guy. 

Note Interjection Here: I am listening to "Sunday Music" on Pandora and it is just delightful! I love it! Try it out. 

Another couple that met on that camp-out, that are dear friends and got married, the lovely Simpson's. 

Sheri Yee, our other dear friend that was also with us was married a few weeks ago. I am so HAPPY for her! It makes me grateful there are things such as second chances. It also makes me think about my journey and where I once was and where I am now. I see my strengths and weaknesses, imperfections. It also makes me keenly aware of the Lord's timing in things. I know there are lessons that I have needed to learn and insecurities I have had to overcome that have led me to this spot I am in right now. So, I guess I could wonder when will I have a second chance? I think it is better to ask, "What am I doing now to prepare for that second chance?" 

It is a hard thing having perfectionist tendencies. However, my perfectionist tendencies do not span into all areas of my life. It is more in expectations I have of myself and others. I have had to learn the really hard way that sometimes your best is enough! I have had to learn to LET GO of my tight grip on certain things. Like having a spotless house, a perfect body, time to do everything that matters perfectly.  That has been hard for a SELECTIVE perfectionist like myself. I like things to be just-so. Not so-so. 

I have also learned that you just have to show up to things. I mean two people I adore met each other and got married from that camp-out. They showed up. They were doing the work. Other couples I know met online and others were set up on dates. Faith with-out works is dead, the work to be done for loves second chance is to SHOW UP. 

After being in a marriage that was lets just say, less than ideal. My expectations in men went sky high. I mean I ruled EVERYBODY out. I always could find something wrong. I now see that this was also a form of protection because I really wasn't ready to be in any sort of relationship...so I ruled EVERYONE out. I kept walls up and my heart safe. I read a book this summer that really opened my eyes and gave me a concrete LIST of attributes to look for in a potential future husband. I have since been trying to BE this type of person. As I read through this list I recognized things in myself that I needed to do better. So here it is from Choosing Glory the chapter titled, Safe Dating and Marriage Choices. 

Look for a partner with Terrestrial Characteristics. HUH? This was a strange concept because wasn't I looking for someone with Celestial Characteristics?? However it says:

A partner with terrestrial characteristics has consistent behaviors requiring self-control and deferred gratification. It says terrestrial behaviors are difficult to fake over time, however people can easily fake celestial characteristics. AHA! 

Here are questions to ask when looking for a spouse:

Does this potential partner pay his/her bills?

Is he/she in significant debt?

Can he/she hold down a job?

Is he/she often hurtful or offensive? 

Is he/she in full fellowship with the church?

Does he/she have good credit?

Is he/she able to maintain solid relationships and healthy friendships, or does he/she leave a trail of injury and enmity in his/her wake? 

Does he/she control his/her temper and other appetites?

Does he/she honor commitments-attending meetings, fulfilling callings, doing home or visiting teaching? 

Are his/her decisions based on his/her own selfish desires, or does he/she consider the wishes and well-being of others?

"It is important to remember that at this stage of life we are not looking for perfection. We are looking for solid consistency over time.  Celestial behaviors CAN be faked but counterfeits can't "hold their breath" forever. Over time it can be seen what type of mastery an individual has over the natural man." Choosing Glory

So there it is. A short list with high dividends. I guess I should show up.....I'll see you all at the fireside tonight. 

XOXO-The Sunny D