New Year, Same Me

My real face...OK! I used the pretty filter. 

All I wanted today was to take a nap. I love naps. If I have a free day from work you can bet there is the hope of a nap somewhere in the schedule. Today, I laid my head down and drifted deliciously into the land of nod at about 1:30pm. At about 2pm a raucous neighborhood football game started up at the park right outside my window. I wanted to yell, "Don't you guys know people are trying to sleep around here!" But..I realized it was 2 in the afternoon and didn't. Instead I strapped on my running shoes and ran four miles. It was difficult for me but I did it. These are some things that will NEVER change about me. 

I love naps.

I attempt to be a runner. 

I wear very little make-up on breaks, in summer, and on weekends. The face needs to breathe!

I love my kids.

I love to plant flowers, although I forget to water them sometimes.

I strongly believe photo radar tickets are the dumbest thing ever. If your going to catch me speeding catch me speeding with a real police car. 

I believe in living simply and spending money on travel. I have a gypsy heart, that won't change and it is hard to keep it under wraps because when it gets the itch I have to go where the wind takes me. Other wise I feel stifled.

I know God loves me but I have some questions. 

So, here's the real point of this post. I am me and I am trying to be a little better everyday. I have some goals you know, the New Years Resolution is to take care of myself. I started a gratitude journal. I wrote things I was grateful for three days out of seven and since there's some wiggle room in my New Years Resolution I felt good about that because it WAS my best this week. I have a calling I take seriously, I do my visiting teaching, I pray, I read scriptures and have family home evening intermittently..I'll admit. I try to spend some time with some sort of spiritual influence every day whether it is a conference talk or the Ensign.I go to the temple regularly and church every week. I love my friends and family, Plus, on top of that...I already promised God I would try to do and be what he wanted me to be, whatever that means. I am trying to live a balanced life and be a good person and good mom but I feel the emptiness of being single. And here are some other things that will never change....

Mid-Singles activities are starting to give me the creeps. 

I would WAAAAYYYYYYY rather go to a movie and dinner with my friend like I did tonight instead of a mid-singles party. Look, I am almost 40 and dancing until 2AM or wearing spanx all night to fit in the crowd just doesn't appeal to me. I can't handle the FAKENESS of it all. Plus, I am tired from working all the time, and writing in my gratitude journal and trying to train for a half marathon..... I mean come on I can barely get up the energy to put make-up on during the weekends what makes you think I want to wear high heels all night. So, is this the only way to meet someone? Because in the dating department I have done the work. Right? Faith without works is dead.....I have PUT in the work. I've been online, I've been to singles activities, I've been on gobs of dates, So....is what God wants me to be is single for the rest of my life when he so clearly outlined that we should be in a family with a mother and a father? 

Also, as I was on a field trip this week a Mom of one of my students asked me how long I had been divorced upon thinking about it the fact dawned on me that the day before had been my divorcery. Six years, I have been alone for six years. Longer actually if you count the separation. In fact just this week a friend sent me an article about the Lord's timing. I am frustrated with the Lord's timing and I have looked forward with an eye of faith and a brightness of hope...ALL OF IT. And, the article which was a good one the girl in it does all the right things and is stressing out about not getting married and then she meets the guy the next month. OKAY......HELLO.......I HAVE BEEN DOING THIS FOR SIX YEARS. SIX. 

What is the point? 

Maybe there is something seriously wrong with me? Not ruling it out. 

I mean being single is NOT that bad but it isn't the plan.....or is it??

I am tired of asking what the plan is for me and still getting on the hamster wheel every single day. 

I am literally that girl that EVERYONE says I just can't figure out why you aren't married....YEAH, ME EITHER. 

My friend said start telling yourself that 39 is your year....I have been...

I AM AT A LOSS and nearly every single one of my dearest friends is in a great relationship and I am just here like...

Like.....

Maybe I am leaving for a month this summer and having my own Eat, Pray, Love moment. 

Maybe marriage just isn't for me

Maybe being single really is the best thing

I don't know. Those questions never seem to get answered. 

XOXO- The Sunny D.....I really do have a good life and I love it. New Year, Same Me.