Dating Isn't For You.....No Really. It Isn't.

MAYBE...these two should date. 

PS. I think that is the ugliest car in the ugliest color I have ever seen in my life. blech. 

I need to clean my house. 

I need to do laundry. 

I need to do progress reports. 

I am SO ready for bed. 

Have you ever had an epiphany? A moment where you're in a situation that opens your eyes to who YOU are? 

I had one of those the other day. 

It was weird, a little bit disappointing because I thought I was better than I am....you know, and yet.....good for me. So good for me. Here I feel like I have come so far in my little life. I have things under control, my life is good. My children are happy and we are all healthy. What else could I ask for? Nothing. 

I was in a situation that made me realize I HAVE MORE WORK TO DO. I have a lot of things to improve to be a better person. I think there are some personal things I need to work out. I feel like I need to give more service to those I love. I need to be more appreciative and it needs to start right here first with my kids. So today I began the steps to move forward again, a shift you could say. 

I realized that:

1. Things I thought I was ready for, I wasn't.

2. I am very independent. Maybe too much so, but I am who I am. 

I was asked the other day IF I would prefer to do activities alone or with a spouse? I said, "What activities?" This person said, EVERYTHING! Grocery shopping, Costco, cooking, cleaning, shopping,going to the park, hiking, running, biking, camping, traveling, reading......

I began to feel nauseated. 

I began to feel SMOTHERED. 

Like a preschooler holding a bunny. I love you bunny, I love you, I love you, I love you.....

I couldn't breathe

I said, "No. I do not like to do everything together and that might have been the number one problem in my marriage is that I relish alone time." In a very authoritative voice that reminded me of my Mom when she meant business. 

It was as if you could hear crickets chirping. 

 Being alone. I love it. I like to run alone, I like to read alone, I like to go to the temple alone, I like to do stuff alone. Lots and Lots of stuff. I said there are a few things I like to do together, like a date. You know, movies, ball games and stuff. Other than that I have too much of my own stuff to do, you know...my OWN hobbies and interests. 

I would be so annoyed if my spouse decided that he wanted to join me on ALL my activities. It makes me so tired to think about it. 

I have a friend who told me that she loves having me as a friend because I am not needy all the time. She knows that she can call me and I will be there for her, and we can pick right up where we left off and still be bosom buddies. She said, maybe that is why I have been able to keep you as a friend for so long. 

So being alone isn't something I feel like I need to rectify. I feel it is something that I need to let settle and enjoy. So let the work begin!!!! I think a shift is good. 

XOXO-The Sunny D.....progression.