My Masters Degree in Dating

  

  

   

We wear Funyun glasses, therefore we are smart. 

I have nearly been divorced for five years. Five Years. That means I earned my B.A. last year and in January I will graduate with my Masters in the subject. Certainly I should at least get a certificate, or a cookie or something. Maybe a boyfriend? Maybe. The one thing I can be sure of is I have studied up on this subject more during these five years than I ever have in my life. I have had intense hours with study groups (girlfriends and friend boys) discussing this topic of dating. I have analyzed my relationships, my friends relationships, what this means, what that means, what outfit to wear, weight loss, weight gain and its impact on dating, getting older, dating Mormons, dating Non-Mormons, Tinder, set-ups, LDS Planet, Singles Activities, what shoes to wear, how the dates went, or didn't go. Trust me when I say I am an expert.

In fact I have dated much more than I ever did than the first time around and here is what I have
learned.


YEAR ONE: 
If I were you I wouldn't date the first year after the divorce. I get it. You want to meet people and have friends but the thing is you aren't emotionally ready to date. I wasn't and I dated and I wish I had given myself a chance to breathe. I see it all the time and the new divorcee's are easy to spot. At least the new ones who are not emotionally ready in my opinion. You see a lot of "quote" posts about love and second chances. It is better to build a group of friends. That is what I think at least.



 Single Parties/Activities......
Where do I start? I am not sure if anyone really meets anyone that ends in a marriage at these things. I am also not sure if anyone is really that interested in dating seriously. My personality isn't one that necessarily does well at these types of activities. In large groups I'm not loud. I don't command attention in fact I more of a wall flower. I usually pick a comfy spot to sit and see who comes to visit. Someone recently said to me, "Oh, so you are an elitist." I am not a snob. No. That isn't it at all and I know for a fact that anyone you talk to who knows me will vouch for my ability to hold a great conversation. Something weird happens to me in those situations, it is like I get a case of social anxiety that only occurs at Adult Single Parties. My advice to you is this, go to activities you actually like then you will feel happy afterward. As a single parent there are SO many things that take priority over singles parties so be choosy. I hate leaving a singles party thinking that time would have been better spent mopping my kitchen floor. However, if I go to an activity I like and I meet new friends I feel recharged. The singles activities that I like the best are firesides and active type activities where you play a sport or game. That way my brain is preoccupied and focused on the activity rather than thinking about how awkward it is to be almost forty but feel like I have re-entered high school. Except everyone has wrinkles and is old.

To Self Promote or Not Self Promote That is the Question
I was told that I don't self promote enough on social media. Ok for one who has time for that? I don't know about you but I am raising kids and working. I don't need another BA in How to Market Oneself.  Posting what I am doing or where I am going will not interest you. Trust me. It would look like this Check in at work, check in at Fry's, Check in at the Bank, Scouts, Achievement Days......WHO CARES. Plus, do you really need a picture of me at all of these places? Or how about...ran 3 miles today. Now, I'm not saying don't do those things I'm just saying is it necessary to do those things EVERYDAY?? In my opinion social media, tracking, and texting have ruined dating.

See. I run too. 

The Best Place To Get Dates:

Drum Roll Please.........

They are all good, on-line sites, attending worthwhile activities, getting set up, even Tinder. I have a friend who met her husband on Tinder. I have met so may good men in many different places. The key is you have to do the work. You have to go on dates to learn what you like and don't like. I feel that the best dates are the ones where friends set you up. SO HOLLA FOLKS.....if you have single gal or guy you know set them up with someone else you know. I like that the best. That way you get a personal recommendation for the person and a little background information. I have a love hate relationship with online dating. I hate it but I really don't have much time for anything else. SO I get off for three months and think....I should date so I sign up again, go on lots of dates....then I get frustrated and delete my account for three months...it's a cycle. 

Have Faith in the Plan and Enjoy Today:

There are days I want to throw in the towel on dating. There are days I wonder what is wrong with me, what is wrong with the men, why am I here, why have I been divorced for so long, is there something I am not doing right. The thoughts circle and circle around in my melon. I get mad at my situation, I think that things should not be like this and then I think

BUT THEY ARE. 

They are like this and I get to decide if I am going to be cheerful or a jerk. I get to decide if I am going to trust Heavenly Father and his plan for me and my family. IF I will trust the things he has told me and promised me. I decide that. I get to decide a lot of things actually. So, it is a continual CHOICE to be in the present and be cheerful and help others along the way. You know who needs help...you've probably been through a lot......... be a helper. 

Some More Stuff I Know:

Have you ever read something and have it hit you in the chest and you recognize it as the truth? It happens a lot when I read the scriptures but I also believe that TRUTH is TRUTH. I was reading a book called, The Miraculous Journey of Edward Tulane when I came across this:

“Open your heart. Someone will come. Someone will come for you. But first you must open your heart.” 

― Kate DiCamillo, The Miraculous Journey of Edward Tulane

It isn't very easy to open your heart but you must do it. I must do it too. It isn't always easy. I also cried as I read the section in the book about opening our heart. It is time. 

More Truth:

Focus on the BIG THINGS not the little dumb inconsequential things. If the person you are dating has all the big things I think they really deserve a chance a REAL chance. Remember when I said I dated that first year and I shouldn't have? I think I discounted some men who had the big things. I focused on stupid things that don't matter and that was because I wasn't ready. I also believe everyone deserves two dates. Unless they are a total creep of course. You know the first date is always so awkward and your date could be nervous or you could be nervous, so always go on a second date. After all as a divorcee I am hoping for a second chance I think that should apply to dates also. 

Lastly, Don't give up hope in second chances, in being someones tender mercy or having one of your own. It happens all the time so why not you and me? I love this last quote......be filled with expectancy..be awash in hope. 

“You must be filled with expectancy. You must be awash in hope. You must wonder who will love you, whom you will love next.” 

― Kate DiCamillo, The Miraculous Journey of Edward Tulane

XOXO- Good luck doing the work my single friends!You're perfect match is out there.  The Sunny D