School Shootings are Dumb

The phenomenal second grade teachers I get to work with and run with minus Ryan. 

Have you ever been in a real life lock down where there is a possible shooter on the loose? Have you ever had children that are in your care that you are hiding from a shooter? Who are crying and scared and all of a sudden you realize that YOU are the adult?  Have you called your loved ones to let them know you will be late and that you are holed up in the closet in your classroom with ten other professionals and chidlren? Have thoughts of your life run through your head and your children and those you love the most and wonder if this is it? If you loved hard enough? If you were enough, was your effort enough? Did you tell them you love them, do they know? 

I have. 

It is sick to your gut terrifying. 

I did not hear about the school shooting until late yesterday evening. I was so busy and to tell you the truth I have stopped watching the news because I feel it is a waste of my precious time. Plus, it is depressing.

 *NOT* as depressing as the retirement informational staff meeting I went to on Valentine's Day. Where I learned that I will basically be working until I am 95 or keel over in my classroom because my take home will be 15K a year. If I am lucky. I thought by contributing to ASRS my retirement was set. Apparently not. 

Here is the first takeaway News and Retirement both depressing. 

And people wonder why there is a teacher shortage. 

Let me tell you something, teaching is NOT for the faint of heart or the heartless. Also, if you are a teacher and reading this you should know that I do not edit my blog posts so....don't judge me please. I have been mulling over the thoughts in my head about the shooting for a good 24 hours and I need to get some things off my chest. 

 Why is everyone so dead set on blaming everyone else and pointing the finger? Is this yet another symptom of our society? It is the the governments fault, the parents fault, the Internets fault, video games fault, entitlement's fault, the gun controls fault, educations fault? 

NO. It is the shooters fault.

 It is symptomatic of the society we live in and I am tired, SO dead tired of the blame game. It is time for EACH of us to point the finger at ourselves and ask, WHAT CAN I DO? The truth of the matter is the biggest impact we can actually have is where we spend the most time and the people we spend it with. So how do we be deliberate about that? How do we make a difference in the place that will have the most impact? It starts with us: in our home, with our families, with our friends, it is taking a minute to get educated about who we are voting into office. 

BECAUSE GUESS WHAT....it is a democracy but ONLY if people get out and VOTE for change. It is having high expectations of our political leaders. Voting is not a popularity contest.........except it is and we have been conditioned since elementary school on how to vote. The person with the best slogan, the best prizes and the best empty promises wins! Orange soda out of every drinking fountain AND no homework EVER! 

What are the solutions? I have been asking myself this question. What is the solution? How does one change the course of society? It begins with you and it begins with me. It begins with what WE can control. 

In my opinion 

Problem Numero Uno: Violence. Violence on movies, television, and video games. We have been desensitized to the loss of life. I am GUILTY. My son plays some of those video games and I watch some of those movies. I for one am going to limit them. My friend only lets her boys play video games on the weekend and she has reported that her boys are much kinder during the week. That is something I can do! Doable. 

Problem Numero Dos: Parenting. Am I the best person to look at and say...Now, there is a great parent. She's got it all under control. NO. I don't and in some ways I am too soft and I am working on that. However, I teach my children right and wrong, we eat dinner together when they are home, we talk about problems and solutions, I am aware of their grades and make sure they get their homework done. We support each other by going to sporting and music events. There are consequences for poor behavior and I do my best to teach them empathy and good moral values. Am I a perfect parent? Absolutely not. Am I hands on? Yes. Am I involved? Yes. I am sure on the daily that I am making mistakes and screwing my kids up but I hope that this is where grace comes in. Take the time to teach when teaching moments arrive. The other day we were driving to school and El said to me, "Mom I invited everyone in my class except one girl." I could not believe my ears but I probed a bit more to find out why. I said, "Oh yeah?' She said, "Yeah, she can be SUPER innappropriate and I am afraid she will embarrass me at the party." I then said, "And, you feel good about this?" To which she expounded, " Well, and I ran out of invitations." (Her Dad and Stepmom were throwing the party for her) Golden Teaching Moment....I said, "I want you to put yourself in her shoes. She invited YOU to her birthday party, right?" 

Yes. 

And you had a lot of fun, right?

Yes.

How would you feel if you were the only one in your class not invited and you had invited HER to your party and she came? 

I would feel horrible Mom. 

Right. So what do you think we should do? 

We should invite her. But Mom, what if she says weird stuff? 

I said, Ellie you let me handle that. I think it will be fine because I am a teacher at the school and also if I hear her say or do anything I can correct the behavior in an appropriate way because you have given me the heads up about it. 

What about the invitation Mom? 

We can make one at school on the computer, easy peasy. 

THESE are the opportunities we have to take and PARENT. I am not always amazing but this one time I felt like we came to a good solution. I also felt like Ellie was able to process how someone else would feel. I think that is lacking in today's society. Everyone is so self absorbed it is disheartening. 

Problemo Numero Tres: A lack of kindness and understanding for others. In my classroom it is important for me to understand my students. There are a lot of ways to accomplish understanding. One is to get to know them. One way I do this is every month or so I pass a note card out on their desks or a post it note, or have them do it on their morning work and I ask them to tell me anything they want to. You would be amazed and shocked at the things I learn and the problems I can simply solve by seeking to understand. I always, always, write a note back. It gives me an opportunity to help the kids with life skills too. I had several girls in my class who struggled with the ability to make and keep friends. I challenged them to play with each other for each recess for three days in a row and if they did this and could report that they were being a good friend then on Wednesday they could come and have a special friendship lunch with me. It worked like a charm and the girls are have happily made new friends. I have note cards ready for Monday morning I gave each child a card with another child's name on it. I am going to challenge them to write one positive adjective about that child and we will pass the note cards randomly several times. In a classroom learning is not only academic it is also social. The need for learning social skills and appropriate public behavior has increased every year I have taught.

Problemo Numero Quatro: Selfishness. I think it is natural to be selfish but we have to choose not to be. This year I thought what can I do. How can I help? My daughter had run on a team that is 100 percent volunteer based. I am a runner! So this year I signed up to be a volunteer coach. Let me tell you there are many days where I think I DO NOT have time for this. I am tired and grumpy but something about teaching and coaching outside. Running with the girls, singing with the girls, I leave with the biggest million watt smile on my face EVERY. SINGLE. TIME. Helping others actually......helps me. 

A Sunny D challenge to you....WHAT can you do? What is in your power to make a positive change in the world around you? Will you commit to it? Whether it is voting, volunteering, having a good talk with your child, helping in the classroom, sharing your special qualities, talents, and skills with others. Working on mental health care and education reform to be proactive instead of reactive to these school shootings. We can make a difference and a change if we each do something!

XOXO The Sunny D.