Freshly Picked

My lungs feel like they are full of slivers and I can't get enough air. It has been going on for several weeks now but I just. keep. going. and that's the problem. Finally, what happens is my body pulls the  alarm and says, "Girl, enough sit your buns down." So here they have sat. I finally went into the doctor today thank goodness we had the day off. I am now armed with antibiotics, nasal sprays, and a note that says I should take the next two days off. I wish. 

I am so very tired. But I will report to work in the morning. 

Friday after I had finalized all of my work I went to get a manicure and pedicure. I had picked this adorable springy light pink purple color think...... peonies. As I lay my head back I did not notice that the color that had been painted on my fingers and toes was in fact blue. I had to go serve treats at a church activity and did not have time to say that this was totally the wrong color and please re-do it. Plus all of the usual sauciness that resides in me had been beat out from a rambunctious class Valentine's Day party just a few hours prior. My friend Laura who was with me and saw the color I had picked said....That isn't the color you picked! I just chuckled and said you are right it is the color that picked me. 

And then I remembered the blue dress my Grandma made me for my birthday in second grade. She let me pick out the buttons that she sewed onto it. Red strawberries. My Grandma's favorite color was blue. 

And then I remembered that this exact color was one of the colors of my wedding. Periwinkle and butter yellow. It held a promise of a brand new beginning. 

So maybe the color picked me. 

I'd like to think that I still believe in new beginnings. I wonder if the fairy tales that I still love and still learn lessons from have ruined me in some way. Is it true? Is there a handsome prince wielding a cell phone that he doesn't look at during the date? Or that holds open the door? Who offers more than to meet up at Village Inn for breakfast at 8 am? To this I give a polite, no thank you. My sinus infection and I have a hot date lined up that includes saline spraying my nose and not until after 10 am on a Saturday morning. 

Does a fairy tale mean you have to embrace Dr. Jekyll AND Mr. Hyde? Jafar AND Aladdin? Bob Cratchit AND Ebenezer Scrooge? I am not so sure anymore because the truth is there is a little bit of beauty in me and a little bit of beast. 

Is it safe to date online? Is it safe to talk to new people over the internet? Maybe I have been watching too many Netflix shows since being parked here on my behind all weekend. The one thing I actually did was put my laundry away which ended with me crying in the closet because I got dizzy each time I picked up a stack of folded clothes. Maybe I am both Cinders and Ella. So tired of the endless chores and to do lists and duties and responsibilities that sit on my shoulders. They are too heavy. Where is my Fairy Godmother when I need her? 

Well she is there. In a way she shows up as my Mom yielding two dozen roses for Valentine's Day and and box of chocolate covered strawberries a combined effort of cousins and parents. I think those are the most flowers I have ever received. Ever. 

I wonder if true love exists out there. Will it make time for me. Will it pick me. Maybe it won't look like the color I picked. Maybe it will be different but also lovely and a sign of fresh starts. Who knows. 

I don't. 

XOXO- The Sunny D