Deep Thoughts.....by Dior Tidwell

I'll treat this blog post like a report card and use the sandwich method. In a report card comment you always start with a positive and then sandwich in there a negative or goal that needs to be worked on and finish up with a positive. 

This picture just warms my heart so much. One of my students asked me if our class had an "Elf on the Shelf." I said, sometimes we do and sometimes we don't I guess it just depends on how many kids believe in magic. I told this student that maybe he should write her a letter and invite her to come. (wink, wink. reinforcing those friendly letter lessons) He said, I am going to go home tonight and write a letter. You know what? He did! So, I put that little letter on the board and without even suggesting it...the letters started coming in and every time... I would just put it on the white board with a magnet. Soon the whole class had written Snowflake (my elf on the shelf) a letter. You know what else...Snowflake wrote a letter back explaining she was on a secret mission scoping out the Grinch and would report as soon as her secret mission was accomplished. Oh man did they just LOVE that. So, Snowflake will make her grand appearance on Monday. In my own small way I hope that I reinforced the principal of faith. Things that are hoped for and not seen. I love this little class of mine and their pure tender hearts. 

You know you hear stories, you know the stories. Stories of people who are not kind to each other. Stories of people treating each other cruelly. My heart has weighed heavy with such a story. A story I saw and one that brought up some of my own stories and when talking to a close friend about it made her all of a sudden have the need to go get some pancakes and I found myself snapping at my children on Saturday. A story that hits so close to home it bubbles up in your heart and stirs the trauma a bit even though the trauma is not yours to hold, or endure anymore. It is empathy and your tears for those who are living the story, a story you once lived too are healing and you want to help in any way you can. And there are questions I have like, How much will you allow yourself to endure? And, If you have done all you are capable of doing and there is not change...what then? And, Why does it have to get ugly? Why can't we just love each other even if we don't really get a long can't there be some level of kindness? Does this even make any sense? Can you tell this is the middle of the sandwich of my post? Why are people so selfish? Does true, kind, honest, enduring love exist anymore? 

My daughter wants a hydroflask for Christmas so I found one on sale and we headed to the store so she could pick out exactly the one she wanted. On the way to the store I found myself listening to some of my go to brokenness songs. I sang Nothingman out loud three times. My kids hopefully didn't pick up on my heartache of the story I had heard. I sang the lyrics, She dreams in color she dreams in red (Better Man, Pearl Jam) and  Caught a bolt of lightning cursed the day he let it go.....She once believed in every story he had to tell, one day she stiffened...took the other side....Empty stares from each corner of a shared prison cell, one just escapes, one's left inside the well....And he who forgets, will be destined to remember...(Nothing Man, Pearl Jam) 

Today I sang. Little Black Dress by Sarah Barielles she sings 

Okay, 

I can see it now it's all the same thing

Just different wrapping around it 

No need

To soften your words

They're still gonna hurt

So don't pull punches

I tried, to be everything you'd ever want and sometimes 

I even stood on my heart and stomped now I'm

Finally alone and dressed for the show

But going nowhere

They don't need to see me crying

I'll get my little black dress on

And if I put on may favorite song

I'm gonna dance until you're all gone

I'll get my little black dress on

And so what I love is the power that we have in choosing how to react to our circumstances and our stories. We can get up and put our own LBD on and dance. WE HAVE THAT POWER. I do and you do. To my friends out there who are in the middle of the hurricane and their own stories that make you want to suddenly eat pancakes. I love you. My heart aches for you. And I want to tell you there is life on the other side and it isn't the same nor is it what you planned and sometimes the timing of what you think should be and what reality is does not match up but that is ok. Everything will work out it is time to be happy. 

Have you ever sat with someone and had them look at you with such attention and focus it is hard to keep the gaze? It is uncomfortable and yet like a starting contest of who will look away first. Or you know the first time your hand is held and how sweet that is. Or when you feel the emotional connection take root because of true care and kindness.You know when you also really see someone, all of their good stuff and it just makes you smile. It is comfortable and safe and transparent and real. Those are the good things and because you have been in a place that is so dark and ugly when these other experiences come that are so full of love and kindness you truly appreciate them. I wish every couple I know would sit at a nice dinner and hold hands and look intently into each others eyes just like you are trying to figure out for the first time what color their eyes really are. Connect. Be present. Love. I think we all need that and we get so busy in our lives we don't do that. But isn't it lovely when we do? 

XOXO- The Sunny D... a little of this and that...