Motherhood, Single Motherhood

My babies. They really are babies here. 

I have been home from work, it is October break and I have loved every minute of it. It is a challenge being a single Mom. The truth of the matter is you do it all. ALL. Things slip here and there, like ironing or things that need to be fixed around the house that I have no clue how to fix. I look at this picture when my babies are babies. Aydan was in Kindergarten here and a lump settles in my throat and tears well up a little in my eyes. I always thought I would be a Mom. I cherished my degree in Education and it is true I DO love to work. I just love being a Mother first. I always thought I would have five children. I don't know why five is the magic number. I used to be so tired, I remember those days and long nights. That Ellie girl was the WORST sleeper on the planet. I also remember smelling my babies necks, and kissing them all over their faces, and rocking them looking out the window into the street at the stars. I loved to rock my babies, I had the best rocking chair. 

I sold it when I moved. It was painful but it was symbolic for me, an end. If there was to be a new beginning then a new rocking chair would have to be purchased. I hope for a new rocking chair. 

I have been thinking about possibly finding an new profession. I have mulled jobs over in my mind but none seem to satisfy me, or pique my interest enough to pour tens of thousands of dollars into a Masters to pursue them. Now, I know why. 

It was Monday morning. I was wet with sweat, in fact drenched from my yoga class. You know HOT yoga, it's like a regular yoga class but with me in it. HAHAHAHAHA. Isn't that so funny! I rushed from my class to pick up my children from their Fathers house. We needed to get some groceries and so  we stopped at Basha's. I had a list so it would be quick. My kids wanted to go into the kids club. I shivered through the store gathering my goods. I was soaked with sweat then bam hit with A/C. After I had purchased my groceries, I went to get my kids. I then had an interesting conversation with the worker in the kids club. I told her I was a teacher, she said her daughter was going to graduate soon with teaching degree and that it was the perfect job for a Mom. I agreed. She then said something that has stuck with me, I have thought a lot about it this week. She told me of her sadness when her youngest left to college. She said she was surprised because she thought she would have grandchildren by that time. She never thought her life would be childless. She found herself depressed and so she got a job at the kids club 10-15 hours a week and now her life is filled with children. 

I LOVED her mother heart. Don't you? 

Then. I thought what would my life be like if it was childless? Oh. There is that lump again. You see, I have always had a mother heart. It took me a few days to get back into the swing of it, to shake of the stress of working. Today being a Mom settled itself on my shoulders and it feels good because being a Mom is the best thing in the world, no one can take that away from you. My life looks different than I ever thought it would. I pictured myself being home when my kids got off the bus and having cookies ready for them. I pictured them sitting at the table and getting homework done, while I made dinner. It doesn't look like that at all. You know and it's OK. 

I have realized that I don't think I could do anything BUT work with children. Can you imagine a childless life?

I am grateful. I am grateful for my children who teach me everyday. Who every single day give me opportunities to learn and be a better person. They are growing into such kind, smart, capable people. They amaze me. Their goodness amazes me. So tonight I did not rock them, but we did read scriptures and said prayers. I tucked them into bed and kissed their faces, and scratched their backs as they nodded off to sleep. Thankful to be a Mother, even if it IS a single one. 

Grocery List.

We went for a bike ride/rollerblading/scooter riding mile loop around the neighborhood

Our house is a ZOO, we are babysitting a teeny tiny baby tortoise that is TO DIE FOR adorable, and we have my classroom gerbils...needless to say Aydan and Ellie are thrilled

We went tot he movies and Ellie got ALL ready. 

We painted nails, and Aydan baked TWO batches of pumpkin chocolate chip muffins! 

I cherish the days I get to feel like JUST a MOM