Single Sacrament Meeting Struggles

I found this note on my desk Friday. My kids were with their Dad this weekend. A year or so ago I was really struggling with going to church. It can be hard being a single parent..period. However, going to church brought a whole new set of struggles. I was trying to keep things together in my home, run kids to sports events and games every Saturday. There was no time to get things done around the house and I was harried, frazzled, and completely worn out. I was SO tired that on the Sunday's I did not have my kids it felt like a burden have to go to church. I had a lot of excuses as to why I could stay home, all of the things I could get done, etc. They were good and legitimate reasons. I muscled through those Sunday's. Going to church felt like your second cleanse day on a diet. It was hard, took a lot of will power but in the end I was glad I went. Here are a few things I have learned along the way.

Church Attendance

Just Go. I did not feel like going, my testimony was solid in many things but shaky in others. Why if I had always tried so very hard to be so very good did I have to face the trials I was facing? It was lonely going to church on the Sunday's I did not have my kids. I felt lost at church. I looked around at all the families and thought WHERE do I fit in here? Every Sunday morning I woke with an excuse as to why I didn't need to go, but every Sunday I went. Most Sunday's my heart wasn't in it and my effort was feeble. I had been in this ward for 10 years. It wasn't like I was new, or people treated me differently. I had friends at church, it was just that I was tired. I was tired of being alone. 

Every Sunday that I made an attempt I learned something new. The Holy Spirit would whisper something to me that would keep me going for just another week. A song would touch my heart or sometimes JUST a SENTENCE of truth in a talk would resonate with me. The bottom line is the Lord loves me so much how could I ever turn my back to him? I could not. I had too many personal experiences over the course of my life that I knew he would help me through this slump. He had helped me before he would help me again. 

The Primary Calling

It was around this time that I was called to co-teach a primary class. I accepted the calling knowing that it would help push me to church on the weekends my kids were with their Dad. Through teaching I was taught about the Savior and I shared my testimony of my love for the Savior. I had been in this calling for a year when the schedule began to take the wind out of my sails. I was a school teacher five days a week, and a single Mom the rest of the time. I had started a new teaching job that was eating up all of my free time. When my children were with me they were number one and my life revolved around them. I was running on fumes and knew something needed to change. I was overwhelmed. Through prayer I knew that I needed to ask for a change in my calling. I had worked hard for a year in Primary and I knew that it would be ok for me to tell my struggles to the Bishop. It felt as if my job never ended. I was teaching six days a week. Don't get me wrong, obviously I love children and teaching. I loved teaching Primary I just needed a break. After all, how would anyone know how I felt if I didn't say something. I talked with the Primary presidency that Sunday. The next Sunday I met with the Bishop and he released me and extended a new calling to me. 

Balance

Another thing I have learned is I need to be balanced. This year I did not enroll the kids in any extra activities. It has helped us to not feel like we are in a whirlwind rush every day. Since we are not in such a rush I have noticed that Sunday's are more relaxing. I am able to get things done on Saturday instead of rushing all day Sunday to do them. I have devoted more time to scripture reading, prayer, monthly temple attendance. There are a lot of things I still need to work on in this area but the bottom line is if I am not exhausted I have noticed I look forward to going to church. 

I guess the bottom line is if you are struggling with church attendance: keep going, talk to friends, look at your life as a whole and see if there is anything you should cut out as a family, be proactive and pray about it. I didn't all of a sudden enjoy going to church again. It was a challenge I had to work through and gradually going to church became easier and was sweet to me once again. I am so grateful for family members, friends, church leaders and a loving Father in Heaven who lead me along line upon line, precept on precept. 

XOXO- The Sunny D