Be Sick So You Can Be Well

This might just be one of my favorite pictures of all time. Mostly, because it holds so many promises, hopes, wishes, loves, and the whimsy of being in my favorite city in the world. Paris. Oh Paris! When can I come back to you? I love the city of light. 

I have caught the dreaded sickness. I have been more sick the last week than I can remember. It has been years. At least five or more since I have been this ill. I went to Urgent Care on Higley and Ray on Monday with a fever and feeling NOT WELL. I was diagnosed with a virus and sent on my merry way with no antibiotics. You know if I am going to Urgent Care and spending $60 to be seen it is because I know there is something wrong! I had fluid in my ears and crackling in my lungs and she prescribed me nothing. I will never go back there what a waste of time and money. The fever did not break so I stayed home on Tuesday. I felt guilty missing work even though I felt terrible and taught on Wednesday where I took a nose dive for the worse and lost my voice. I took Thursday off and went to my regular doctor who diagnosed me with a sinus infection, double ear infection, and respiratory infection. LAME. Who has time for this?! Not me. I also have to say I have in my opinion the best family doctor around. I HIGHLY recommend Dr. Gary Wallace at Mesa Family Physicians. He is thorough and so kind. I left his office with three prescriptions and two more days off of work and a weekend filled with laying around. I literally felt like I was the living dead. 

I returned to work today and my class had made me the sweetest get well cards. First of all, what a NICE substitute teacher! She had them make cards for me instead of the lame art project I had planned. It made my day and their sweet expressions of love just melted my heart. I was happy to be back but internally exhausted still. I found myself laying on the floor during my prep. It may have been a bit drama pants but I was so tired. SO TIRED. I made it through the day and walked out to my car into the sunshine and felt this exquisite gratitude for the lovely weather and the fact that I was walking in it! I drove home and chatted with my Ellie girl and then when I dropped her off I rolled my window down, turned up Mat Kearney's new EP and felt the wind rush between my fingers. For the first time in a week I felt like I was on the mend even if it also felt like I had a face full of boogers and an elephant sitting on my forehead. It was WAY better than the last few days. Thank goodness for antibiotics and great doctors. 

I'm also super grateful for good friends and my family. Always. Laura picked Ellie up for school and dropped her off AND spoiled her rotten. I am so grateful for friends who love me and my littles. Thank you Laura!! My Mom feeds us every Sunday and this Sunday I was so grateful to have a yum, home cooked meal. It is amazing that when I feel the worst I realize just how much I have. I love the opportunities I have to see the really good things in my life. 

My friend Laura said to me, "Be sick so you can be well." She said this on Wednesday when I was trying to push through the work week. It really sank in because she was right. Man oh man did I do a good job at being sick and I am so grateful that I am beginning to be well. 

And there is one more thing on my mind. Have you ever spent time with someone and it just feels like home? Have you ever been with someone that you THINK they feel like home and you really WANT them to be home but it just never really fits? You know the difference? 

The difference between simple and complicated. Calm or Anxiety. Kindness or Unyielding. Home is such a refreshing, non-stressful, happy place to be. Because home is where you feel calm, and happy, and safe. Cared for. Home is where your broken parts can heal and you feel them healing a little bit at a time. Home is kind. 

I guess in the last six months I have realized how sick my heart was after going to Florida and having it cracked in half like a nutcracker on a mission. I was forced to take a hard look at myself and do some of the really hard work. I had to be sick so I could be well. And when I was well.....

There was home. I'm not really sure about it all but I know that it is safe and kind. It is all my favorite things and surprise deliveries of diet coke, treats, flowers, and tacos. It is laughing and easy. So easy and so not complicated. Home never should be complicated it should just be a place you can heal and be well and always fit in and be loved. 

If you are sick, may you be well. XOXO- The Sunny D