Freshman

Oh my firstborn how is it that today you started high school? It seems just yesterday you were a dream that wouldn't come true...... four trying years waiting, hoping, heart aching, drugs that made me so sick just hoping for you my baby. And then you were here and I held you in the nursery and rocked and rocked you and I felt the invisible ribbon that sewed my heart to yours and I was forever changed. 

Last night as I locked the house up I looked over and saw your backpack and shoes ready and waiting for your first day of school and I could hardly believe it. You had packed your lunch and we had an alarm set for five am so I could drive you to football. 

This morning as you got out of the car and waved good by I drove away and watched you in the rear view mirror and I beamed with pride and ached with the knowledge of the few short years left that I have you. How does a Momma let go? And the lyrics came to my mind:

Well I've been afraid of changin' 

Cause I built my life around you

But time makes you bolder

Children get older

I'm getting older too

And if you read this some day my son I hope I taught you the things you need to know to navigate this world. I hope you feel the invisible ribbon that ties our hearts together in a bow and know that I love you more than yesterday and less than tomorrow. That I am so proud of you the person you are becoming. You are so smart and kind and good to others. You are fun and funny and all of a sudden super responsible. You are my helper.

 Do you remember that time about a month ago that I sat in church with my heart broken and the tears just wouldn't stop coming down and I was embarrassed but you just put your arms around me and rocked me? You rocked me. Sitting side by side my head on your shoulder. 

I can't wait to see what you do in these next few years. I can't wait to watch you play football. I can't wait to see you make new friends and grow. I am so excited for you! 

And yet...with tears...I still feel like I dropped off my kindergartner to school and I worried about you today. Did you find your classes? Do you like your teachers? Are there any cute girls in your classes? Do we need to get any supplies? Did you make any new friends? Did you get to eat your lunch? All these things and I knew you had it under control but I am still your Mom and you are still my baby. You won't see this worry or the tears that I finally let go safe now in my room. You are downstairs talking to your sister and your homework is already done. 

I love you my fourteen year old freshman boy. 

Landslide (If you want to listen to the song on my heart today)

XOXO- I love my babes. The Sunny D