143

She watched the Mr. Rogers documentary today and if you have seen it you know what 143 stands for. She loved Mr. Rogers as a child. 

She sees both sides of the coin. She sees her good deeds and her not so good deeds. She knows herself and her strengths and weaknesses. She is grateful for the last eight months of the year because they have taught her to love and to live. 

She is so grateful for that. She is grateful for the butterflies in her stomach, every. single. time. 

She is grateful that she could love again and trust again. She wasn't sure she could. There is still some work to be done here and she will, she doesn't want the past to color her future. She is grateful that she stopped sleepwalking as she has been doing for years and years. Her heart woke up and loved and broke a little again. 

Maybe she is too solid in her convictions and her beliefs but it is who she is. It is the life she chooses to live because this path has brought to her family the most happiness. She is true blue through and through. She always will be. She lacks faith in love for love has hurt her but she can see for the very first time the possibility of it. It is possible and it will happen. She is grateful to learn that. 

She is grateful for prayer and the guidance she receives through it and studying the scriptures. 

She is grateful for tacos and talks. She is grateful for Schitt's Creek and holding hands. She loves holding hands. She loved home cooked meals and dancing in the kitchen. She is grateful for the gentleness and kindness. 

She is upset with many things too and those are hers to hold and let go when it is time. 

Mostly, she just feels gratitude. She will never see a sonoran hot dog the same way, or a dog, or a scion. She has loved and been loved in return and that is a gift. The gift of living. The gift of love. 

As Mr. Rogers says, Often when you think you're at the end of something, you're at the beginning of something else. 

The beginning of what she doesn't know. 

She hopes, she is grateful, and she believes in the good things to come, in possibilities....something she hasn't allowed herself to see before now. 

XOXO- The Sunny D