Blessed

Happy in my new car

I noticed some things today. 

First, I have to tell you some stories. 

Blessing:

Two weeks ago my darling boy received the priesthood. This is a big deal in our religion as he gets to pass the sacrament and has some additional responsibilities. He was given the priesthood by his Dad which was lovely, Matt did a very good job. It was neat for all of us to be there and see Aydan receive this special blessing. 

He doesn't look happy but he didn't know I was getting him in the picture...First fast offering trip

Problem:

It happened to be fast Sunday so he was responsible to visit families in a loop close to our house to pick up fast offerings and deliver a newsletter from the ward. I didn't really know what was going on but was happy to help him finish his job of the collections. As we drove around the neighborhood it was cold and rainy. We stopped and waited at several houses and on our last leg of the deliveries my car exploded. Ellie screamed and JUMPED to get out of the car but there was no handle to the door on the back seat. It had broken off so she was stuck. Copious amounts of steam began to pour from the car and the worry of what in the world was I going to do began to settle in. I called my parents and couldn't get a hold of them and then I called my brother. Aydan ran off in the rain on foot to finish the job of collecting. I was annoyed for a moment that he would run off but then so proud that he did so he could finish the job. Anyway, my car was toast. After a few hundred dollars of repairs and a warning from my mechanic that a lot of other work needed to be done I decided it was time to let go of the "old girl" as we lovingly called the Honda. A few things that were wrong with the Honda, the gear shifter got stuck and so I had to put a key in to get the car to drive, the keys were so worn out they were stripped and wouldn't turn the ignition she had to be re-keyed. The rear view mirror was cracked, the windshield was cracked across the whole front. There were only two and a half doors with handles that the kids would scrape their hands on if they didn't open the door just right. The air didn't work well and if we were stopped at a light and it was over 80 degrees the car would overheat. I duct taped the big hose that went into the engine because it was cracked. Only one window rolled down...mine thankfully. But she was good to us and got us from point A to point B for five years with out a payment. I was grateful.

Blessing:

Having the car break down was a frustrating moment in time but one that I realized was just part of life and something that needed to be worked out and NOT the end of the world as I would have felt a few years ago. With my parents help I was able to buy a new car. My Dad worked his salesman magic on the car salesmen. It is so nice and I am so grateful because I don't think if I hadn't driven that old Honda for five years I would have appreciated the new car as much as I do now. It was a little lesson in sacrifice. My kids when I pulled up to get them Monday morning for school were SO excited. They said, "Can we roll down the windows?" Yes, I said, you can roll down the windows and we drove to work with the windows down and the breeze running through the car. Plus, it smells SO good inside. The first picture of this post is of me in the new car. That's why you get a selfie. 

Problem: 

I have been running and training a bit for a little race. My legs have been stiff and my knee is causing me some trouble. I also have a bit of a circulation issue with the veins in my legs. It isn't a big deal but if I am up on my legs a lot (i.e. teaching) the front of my left leg will ache and be heavy. Like, really achy I can't describe it but I have to lay down and elevate my leg the only thing that helps is to get off of it. A few years ago I had a varicose vein stripped from that leg. Anyway, in an effort to help not be so stiff I started doing a yoga video three times a week. That began to relieve the tension in my hamstrings but I couldn't find anything to help the achy circulation issue. 

Blessing: 

In my effort to find a solution I began to look online and see if there was anything I could do besides wear my compression hose and elevate my leg. I came upon this gem that has given me a lot of laughs. In fact I sent it to my Mom and when she called me we just sat and laughed on the phone for a few minutes without saying anything. Laughing is good medicine. 

Leg Pain Solution According to the Internet. 

Problem:

The children's Dad is out of town nearly this whole month. First, I must say that I LOVE having my kids. That is not the problem. Also, their Dad being gone is not the problem we totally support him in hos endeavor to work and provide. However after all of the extra days and extra groceries I have found that there is not much money left over for anything. In fact there isn't much for the extra groceries either and we have had to tighten the purse strings and make do. I need to say..we are not suffering its just not a time to be spending. That is all. 

Blessing #1:

My friends parents are snowbirds and she called me this week saying that they cleaned out their fridge and she can't even fit all the food. She asked if I would come and take the rest and so I did! There was a lot of good stuff in there and it filled the fridge and pantry. 

Blessing #2:

 A friend of mine just brought over a box of freshly canned food canned by HAND. YUM. I can't even tell you how grateful I am for this because I know how hard it is to can! Plus, aren't the cans so pretty! 

I have to say something about this picture. My Grandma passed away in February and this is her china cabinet that she gave me. I love it. I polished it and put some blue glass on top. She had a collection of blue glass up on a shelf in her basement. We all loved it. She gave me two items of her blue glass and I added my own. It is like a little bit of Grandma is here. When it is humid outside and we walk in the house the wood from the cabinet smells like her house. I walked in one day and said, "Why does it smell like an old lady in here!" But then, I realized it was my favorite old lady and as I breathed in a bit deeper and paid attention to the smell I caught a hint of Chanel No. 5. Now that is a blessing, plus doesn't that look so cute there!? I love it so much. I am grateful for the new piece of furniture. Mostly, I am grateful that every time I see it I think of her. 

Blessing #3

Bread. My friend's husband works at a popular restaurant that will not serve day old bread. He brought the left over loaves home last night and she called me to come get some. YUM! What a blessing. 

You know life has its problems but if you pay attention you will see that it all works out in the end. There is no need to worry. I know who is in charge and I am grateful for a God who loves me and takes care of me. We are blessed. 

XOXO-The Sunny D.. Count your many blessings name them one by one and it will surprise you what the Lord has done. 

Too Much Syndrome

Too Much.
If you think about it we are bombarded daily with images, media, people, even our own thoughts bombard us whether they are positive or negative. I think of the the pressure I put on myself to be a good Mom, to be thin, to be "out there dating," to be the best I can be at what I do. That if I am not achieving these things I am a failure.
And. Not only that if I am not achieving them with a smile I am a loser in game of winners. But failing at what and by whose standards?
This life can be stressful and it can take it's toll mentally, spiritually, physically, and emotionally. All I have to do is look around at some of my friends who are suffering from the "too much" syndrome. They are sick. Really sick. Metabolic and Auto-Immune deficiencies are terms that I feel are associated with someone who has been under too much stress.
Too Much.
I know when life has been too much. The first sign is waking up in the morning and feeling like you just laid your head down. It is never feeling rested. That is the number one sign.
So I have been thinking a lot about this "too much" syndrome and what can I do to simplify? How can I release the pressure valve? I know I am the only one that can do that for myself. So much work is put into daily living there is not much left over for me. I have said many times I am a shift worker. Shift one begins and I work it for about 9 hours and then shift two begins when I get home until about 8:30 pm. 6-8:30 pm my life is not really my own. The last few weeks I have been making some small changes.

1. I am making sure to have daily exposure to spiritual things. Whether through prayer, scriptures, or listening to a talk while I grade papers during my special. ***A Special is when your students are at Music or PE, etc.
2. One of my recess breaks each day I walk the long way to my classroom. I breathe in the air. I look at the sky and I take just a moment to listen to the birds. I pay attention to the tension in my neck and shoulders and make a conscious effort to let it go and relax. I think of 10 things I am grateful for.
3. I am giving myself a free pass on my weight and make-up and fashion right now. I can afford the necessities and basic staples to run my household, so I will use the clothes, perfume, and make-up I have and not buy more.
4. Body Image: Here's the thing I can't handle starving right now. Starving is what I basically have to do to be skinny. I can't. CANNOT. I am running ragged raising these two children of mine so the weight thing can just take a back seat. I can't even wrap my brain around squats, running seven miles, punching a bag or snapping the giant ropes against the ground. I'm already too tired from "too much." So, for the time being I will take a much gentler approach. I will drink my protein shake, I will do my relaxation yoga CD. Which has left me sore every time I have done it because there is so much tension in my shoulders and lower back! I will go for a long walk outside and I will be kind to myself. It is the best I can do right now.
5. I am learning how to mediate effectively and work through stressful situations in healthier ways.
6. My Mom told me about an article that said your kids need your undivided attention for ONLY three minutes three times a day. I have been trying to do this with my children and be present when I am with them. Let them talk, and me listen.
7. In bed as I fall asleep I think of ten good things I did that day, enough beating myself up for the things I didn't do...sheesh.

Right now life is about simplifying and not engaging in the "too much" hustle. This is not the season to be a super model and I am ok with that. It is my season to work hard and to provide.

XOXO- The Sunny D

A Brightness of Hope

Saturday in downtown Salt Lake I ran to grab a journal so I could record my thoughts. I also grabbed a yogurt and I sat here on a ledge and this was my view. I thought, "How lucky is this?" The bike, the flowers, and yellow my favorite color...could it get any better? 

Do you ever have weeks where you contemplate your life? Where you think about what you have done well in your opinion and what you could improve? I was having a few of these weeks and I was reading old blogs that I had written. I was surprised by my immaturity and emotions in my early blogs but grateful I had recorded my feelings so that I had evidence to gage personal growth. I could feel the anxiety and fear and the darkness of the unknown folding its cloak around me. There was also sunshine streaming its rays on my face when I chose to see it. I began blogging about a year before my divorce and what turned my thoughts to the past was the time of year.  In March 2010, I left behind me the rags of my old life. I started a new chapter in my new home with my angel children, alone.

What I have realized is this, I was lucky to love. I was lucky to receive the blessings of being sealed in the temple. I was the luckiest when I was blessed to be a Mom. My best job. I was lucky to have a family who loved me. I was lucky to have friends who loved me and I loved them. Most of all, I was lucky to learn that I was so much stronger than I ever believed. Trust me, I had a lot of help along the way and I still do but I learned that I could do hard things. I learned I could thrive and be happy. Those are some good things to learn.

Sometimes thinking about the past is hard and I don't think it is good to dwell on things you can't change. Thursday night at about 11pm Spanish Sassafras said, "Come to General Conference with me." Since I had just been complaining about being stuck in my life on my last blog I said...ok. Off we flew Friday evening at 9:30 pm on a whirlwind trip to Salt Lake City to watch General Conference. Which in itself is a little miracle to me and proof that the Lord sure knows me and when I need a break and puts me in places where that can happen. I love General Conference for so many reasons but mostly because I get to watch it in my jammies at home ALL weekend long. Not this time. This time I would watch it on Temple Square.

We accompanied sweet Brother Batista from Miami to conference. We were so lucky to get into ALL FOUR SESSIONS, in the conference center. The last session we were in about row four, Section one. It was amazing. We were so lucky to stay with the Jones family where we were treated like queens. It was a lovely two days.

There are things I struggle with, we all do. We all have struggles, right? I was sitting in a meeting with my Stake President many years ago. My life as I knew it was shattering around me but he gave some insightful advice. He said live your life with a brightness of hope. This simple message I have heard over, and over, and over again. I heard it again in the conference center many times. So, I resolve to have hope but not just any kind of hope bright, sunshiny, hope.

President Monson said, "The choices we make determine our destiny." Choose the harder right than the easier wrong. I choose to be happy! I choose to be kind to myself and others. I choose to live my best life.

President Dieter F. Uchtdorf talked about mans ability to make new life from ashes....YES! My heart wanted to sing and that we need to trust in Heavenly Father to rebuild us.

Most of all, I learned and felt that Heavenly Father loves me. Elder Holland's talk was so powerful it gave me hope to not be discouraged and that we get credit for trying. I felt a weight lift off of my shoulders when I heard those words. Credit for trying. Sometimes I feel like I am trying so hard but I am JUST treading water trying to keep my head afloat. Luckily..THAT COUNTS!

I learned so much. I am grateful for the time I was able to sit and learn. Plus, I felt so lucky to be able to hear the Mormon Tabernacle Choir sing. I kept thinking I would pay a lot of money to hear a concert like this! The music filled my whole heart with joy. I was so happy to spend time with Spanish Sassafras. We reviewed our lives, mourned some things, were so happy about other things. Life is so tricky but it is SO good.

I will live my life with a brightness of hope.

Now....what does THAT look like?

XOXO- The Sunny D