Very Little is Needed to Make a Happy Life. -Marcus Aurelius

Gratitude. Gratitude is needed to make one happy. Today I am grateful. The last two weeks my children have been with their Dad. I was alone on Thanksgiving but it gave me something I lack, which is time. Time to be happy, time to miss my babies, time to reset, time to get clear, time to take care of myself. It has been very, very, good and introspective. It has given me time to go on dates, and spend time with friends that I love and who love me. It has given me time to invest into relationships and one that was neglected, the relationship with self. My eyes and heart are wide open and happy. 

Creating a happy life takes deliberate decision making on the daily. One thing I love is art. I love art museums, and sculpture, and architecture, paintings, and beautiful photography. So as I was taking care of myself this week, I could relate to a favorite artist.....See if you can guess who?

Just call me Van Gogh. 

I have had a bothersome spot on the back of my ear so I FINALLY went to get it checked out. They biopsied it and the Dr. scared me a bit telling me they might have to remove the whole back side of my ear if it comes back positive for skin cancer. I'm not too worried about it but Van Gogh might be my new nickname. Especially, since he said my ear would look weird. Awesome. However, I am grateful I was able to finally get to the bottom of the problem and had time to deal with it. Plus, I'm not just going to let some Dermatologist go chop shop with my ear.  On to more art analogies...

One of the most stunningly, breathtaking, sculptures to behold in real life is Winged Victory, or The Roman Goddess of Victory also known as NIKE. 

Did you know that? Did you know Nike was named after a goddess? It is. I love this piece of art. I love it because I can identify with it. She is strong and powerful yet feminine. She isn't slight, she is a force to be reckoned with. Don't you love the beautiful, feminine power she portrays? I sure do. I love it because I look at this and think...she is strong and strong is beautiful. Art makes me happy. So does being strong. 

Fix Your Ponytail And Get After It....

Being strong makes me happy. Showing up for myself makes me happy. Getting into the gym makes me happy. These things are simple, but they are daily choices. A big thank you to Laura for kicking my can this week on the pull up bar at the gym! A big thank you hug to Karen and Laura together we were strong. 

Happy is running a quick 5k before the big Thanksgiving pig out. It is visiting with old friends and meeting new ones. 

Happy is counting my blessings as I run and being proud of my body for doing the work. It is feeling pride for the strong women who ran beside me. It is thinking over and over again...diet coke, diet coke, diet coke..because that was my reward when I finished. It was sprinting as a team through the finish line. We were the Gilbert Goddesses of Victory in that moment. It was a really awesome way to start the day. 

Happiness is listening to a beautiful rendition of the National Anthem and feeling such gratitude for our Military, our freedom, and this country. It is feeling pride to be an American. 

Happiness is babies and family. Can you believe this is one of the only pictures I have of Thanksgiving with my family? The other one is of the pies my sister made (of course I take a picture of the pies!) but she is licking her finger in it and I thought maybe she wouldn't like that posted. Ha. Happiness is all those smile wrinkles I have earned. Happiness is our tradition of going to a movie after dinner. Happiness is wearing the Gilbert Turkey Trot t-shirt to dinner. A tradition I have done since I ran the Turkey Trot 10K with my Dad in high school. Happiness is good memories and lots of Turkey Trot T-shirts. 

Happiness is spending quality time with your friends. It is shopping for family picture outfits not for YOUR family pictures but your friends...searching every store for JUST the right thing but coming up empty handed. It is eating salt and vinegar fries and fancy cheeseburgers...um yes. YUM! It is seeing the movie Wonder with your children and their friends. 

Happiness is simple. 

Happy. XOXO- The Sunny D

Will the Real Dior Tidwell, Please Stand Up, Please Stand Up, Please Stand Up

Welp.

It's been a week. 

A week of new information, really difficult information. I believed one thing to be true and learned that it was not the case. 

I guess when someone says to me I love you the most as they are leaving to go home I believe them. And maybe that is my mistake, believing and seeing the very best in people. Maybe it is a misunderstanding, but to say it is a disappointment would be an understatement.The messages were so mixed, a code breaker couldn't have deciphered them.  There was weeping, there was wailing, and there for sure was some gnashing of teeth. A longtime love and friendship disintegrated like a powdery, ancient, cheese and peanut butter cracker left on the shelf for over a decade to be purchased and consumed. Just like my heart. 

And was I to blame, sure. For some. But what am I guilty of? Loving. Daring. Being Vulnerable. And Failing. Being all in. Being Brave. At least I was honest. Always. 

Unrequited Love a true story. 

As I was teaching this week I was taught a lesson..this happens a lot. The teacher is taught by the student. I will change the names of the students to Jack and Jill to illustrate my point. 

I was bringing the students into class one morning. My student Jill came up to me and said, "Ms. Tidwell I have a big problem I need help with." 

O.K. I replied.

Well, Ms. Tidwell Jack and I have this secret.....(In my head I am like...what. is. this. secret.??) She said, it makes me really uncomfortable. I don't like it. It just makes me feel nervous and sick. My Mom said maybe you could help me with it. 

O.K. I replied. What is it? 

Now remember, this is a seven year old second grade student. 

Jack wants to marry me, and I just don't know about it. (Me trying to stifle a smile and giggle but squint my eyes to be serious) I mean we are best friends but what if I don't like him when I am older, or what if someone better comes along? The whole thing makes me feel SO nervous and I don't even want to come to school. 

To which I replied, Jill I will for sure help you with this problem and I can understand why you feel nervous about it. We will talk about it after we get everyone settled with morning work. Is that ok? 

To which she nodded and said, Thank you. With a sigh of relief. 

So I get everyone settled and I call Jack and Jill to come outside the classroom door so we can have a private chat. 

Jack's eyes are as wide as saucers. The poor little guy doesn't even know what is going on. 

So Jill, I say. You have something you want to talk to Jack about, is that right? 

Jill is super anxious but blurts out, Jack I don't think I want to marry you. It makes me super uncomfortable.

I'm sorry Jill says Jack. Jack's big eyes fill up with tears and he wholeheartedly and full of emotion says, "BUT Jill, you are my best friend and I LOVE YOU! 

Now, my tender recently wounded heart is just breaking for Jack. I can FEEL for him. 

Jill who is anxious also blurts out, and I don't want to play with you at recess. Plus, what if when I am older, I find someone better that I want to marry? 

And I say, Jack may also find someone he loves more when he is older as well. 

And you know, I can also FEEL for Jill and I know exactly where she is coming from. 

Jack says, but Jill can't we play at recess? 

No Jack, you decided that we were not going to play at lunch recess and we are playing an 8 person game. 

Jack says, I think I changed my mind, can we make it a 9 person game? I just want to play with you. He is crying a lot now. 

Jill says, No Jack it isn't a 9 person game. 

I say can you just be friends and play hot lava or some other game where everyone can play, not worry about getting married, and just be friends? 

Jack agrees to not talk marriage anymore, and Jill agrees to let Jack play with her at recess. 

We enter back into the classroom and I sit at the doc cam to teach. Where I am overcome with emotion because this little scenario hits close to home. I love you, you are my best friend, why can't we be friends, maybe I will find someone better. I try with all my might to pull it together.

 Nope. No. Not happening.

 The tears begin to fall and there is nowhere for me to hide. I can't hide the fact that I am in front of 24 children crying. So I say, Who here has had a really bad morning? They all raise their hands. Have any of you ever been sad? They all nod their heads. I continue, I am very sorry but right now I feel so very sad and I don't want to cry but I am having kind of a tough morning. As small children do, they empathize. They ask? Why are you sad? And I just say, I just am. I put my head in my hands in front of my class and cry. And the next thing I know I am surrounded in the sweetest, most tender seven year old group hug with children saying, "I love you Ms. Tidwell. We all love you Ms. Tidwell" I say, I love you too. Thank you so much, you know just how to make my day happy and we went on with our work. 

Is it best practice to cry in front of your class? I have never done it before, but that day I couldn't help it. My students were so tender that day. They held my hand as we walked, they gave me side hugs. They wrote me notes and they left Halloween candy on my desk. I think sometimes, it might just be best practice to have opportunities to love and be loved in return. 

And so I say to the fellow, Thank you for not really loving me.

It has opened the door for me to love myself. I have sat on the back burner for long enough. No more. 

Have you ever thought you were fine and then you realize you aren't? That is what has happened to me. I have realized that I have some work to do and I am doing it. Inside heart healing work and outside work too. I am not one to look work in the face and run but to face it head on and tackle it. I was afraid to start the heart healing work. I thought it would hurt like physically hurt. Have you ever had emotional pain that physically hurt? I have. However, as I did the work with help, I came away feeling lighter and hopeful. I felt some serious trauma lift and I made connections to feelings I had been having and the actions I had taken. Two sessions in and I can already feel the change. I know there is hope for me to heal more. 

You know, I thought I had done the work. I had no idea this was lurking below the surface but as I have looked at my life the last seven years I have come to realize that I was in survival mode. I was a Mom first, and I had a wonderful but demanding profession and that ate up all my time. Sometimes, you don't know something's broken until you see that it is. I think it is easy to say, get over it already. I have thought that before about other people, for sure. But when it is you who needs to get over it, the answers aren't always that simple and sometimes you need help and understanding, empathy, and true friends. 

Thank you to my true, kind, loving, have my back friends. This week would have been unbearable without you. I love you. You do not know the tender feelings and love I feel for you. Thank you for loving me. Because of you my testimony has been strengthened in the love my Savior has for me, and it was through you that I felt his love so tenderly. 

So, I am loving me again. I am doing the work, the work to be wholehearted. I am running again, which clears my mind and emotions. I am training for the Turkey Trot on Thanksgiving day. I love to listen to Eminem when I run. and today his song, Not Afraid really hit home. Not Afraid if you want to listen. It's a good running song. Then Laura and I went to HIIT HOT Yoga. It was a HIIT work out to hip hop music and yoga at the end in a hot yoga room. It was really awesome. I felt like the athlete in me was waking up and I have hope to run a big race in February. I have goals, I am going to take care of my mind, body, and spirit. 

XOXO- I have been through the ringer, but they can do little to the middle finger. The Sunny D. 

Adventure

I actually don't have a middle name, maybe it should be adventure. I have the itch. It is insatiable it is calling me and I will have to answer. I am longing for an adventure. You know every story has a beginning, middle, and end. A good story has a well developed plot, characters, and a basic grasp of the magic of words. I am in the middle of my story and I want it to be a good one. Sometimes in the middle there is a plot twist that is exciting and sometimes it is dreary. Usually, the middle is fraught with problems only to be solved later in the story. At least, in my story I choose the adventure for life really is one. I never finished my summer trip. I have been thinking about it a lot and I am longing to get back to Europe. So here is to good memories......a few more details.

It is pretty ironic that when you walk into the Sistine Chapel the guards are yelling, "SILENCE!" It made me laugh...also you are not supposed to take pictures but before I realized it wasn't allowed I snapped this one. It is breathtaking that ceiling. I loved the stories of the scriptures coming to life before my very eyes. SIGH. There were so many amazing collections in the Vatican. I was amazed, and overwhelmed. However, one of the collections I loved best reminded me of one of my favorite parables. The parable of the Ten Virgins. I loved seeing these oil lamps up close. You can see how it would be difficult to share your oil with another person.

And then we were off...to England! More adventure, more fun, and wonderful memories to think about. 

Me Too

I am working on empathy and compassion. I think that I am very empathetic and compassionate but I have been told that it is not always my first reaction and that makes me sad. If that is the case or has been the case that is not what is in my heart. The truth is sometimes I am slow at processing certain things, I am not always quick to react in the way I'd really like to and sometimes I have to mull things over in my head before I know what to say. Trust me when I say if you get me quick firing information it never ends well because it is usually powered by emotion and not empathy.

However, I try to stick to the 24 hour rule,which I believe is a good rule. There have been many times I have received and e-mail, or someone has said something rude and I have put the 24 hour rule into practice. I wait 24 hours to respond to something that feels like conflict or anger. I also like it when people get back to me within 24 hours if I am the one asking the questions. It seems an appropriate amount of time for a response and it helps me to feel like I have been heard, and understood. It is a good feeling to feel understood. I am pretty sure that being ignored is the worst feeling on the planet. Like you aren't worthy of a response and that is a pretty crappy feeling. So, I try to answer in 24 hours at least. 

I think what we all need most in this world is to feel like we are not alone. 

We have all been given a special set of trials and problems that we can use to help others. We can draw from experiences and feelings to reach out and connect to others. As I have been thinking about empathy and compassion this week and how to have more of it I was presented with several opportunities to practice. 

I was first given examples.

I was the one needing empathy. I called my friend Heather and began talking to her about all of these heavy things I had been feeling. I had troubles and I didn't know how to hurdle them and the truth is she didn't either. What she did though was she gave me an example from her life when she was in a similar situation and hurting and how she moved forward. In that conversation it was like she reached out her hand and said, ME TOO. I knew I was not alone, and that made all the difference. 

I have had many Me Too moments recently. My Mom takes the time to talk to me and I know I can trust her and she is a wise judge. She is fair and she sees all sides. She also relates to me and will share things that say, Me too. I have been there, I can see where you are coming from. All of a sudden you don't feel like you are a weirdo with emotions but a person with feelings who is progressing through this life and figuring things out. Mom reached out her hand through her words of ME TOO.

Another Me too moment was last week I received a special package in the mail. It came with a letter that I have been carrying around with me for at least a week. You see, I can be very hard on myself. I don't really need anyone else to be hard on me because trust me when I say the work has already been done for you. I am my worst critic. My Aunt Margie sent me a letter of love and kindness. In her gentle way she reminds me a lot of Grandma. Her letter built me up. I never thought I needed words but that is not true. I don't need fake words. Words that are real and true and come from someone who knows you and in fact knows your whole story from the beginning are a powerful tool for good. In this letter Margie said, "you too know sorrow and joy." She was saying ME TOO. She reached out her hand 

with her words and empathy. 

A necklace made with one of my Grandpa's pencils for me from my Aunt. So So cute. 

I was then given opportunities to practice. 

In my class this week I had a student come up to me with tears welling up in his eyes. I asked him what was wrong and he said, "I forgot my homework." I replied, "That's ok!" He still had to have the consequence of missing recess...it is school policy. I asked him if he had a rough morning. He said, yes we were running late and I couldn't find my shoes and I left my homework folder on the counter. I looked him right in the eyes and said, I am so sorry you had a crummy morning! You know we have a morning just like that at my house at least once a week. He laughed and went back to his seat and I realized we just had a Me Too moment. Later in the day this same student was bugging everyone around him. He was hanging on them and just touching everyone and everyone did NOT want to be touched. So, I told him to come hold my hand and help me watch for the very best person walking in line. Now, normally I don't reward poor behavior but because I saw him with empathy I realized he needed his hand to be held and a little special attention. We walked behind the class, he calmed down, and picked the very best person in line and guess what....he was well behaved for the rest of the day. He needed someone to say, you aren't alone...ME TOO. 

Today, I was on my way to go to the temple. As I pulled in the parking lot a friend called me on the phone. I wasn't going to answer but I felt that I should. We talked about some things and then she filled me in on what had been going on with her the last few weeks. She had been in a car accident and the man that hit her was on a motorcycle and she couldn't get the scene out of her head. She had been racked with worry for this man and couldn't get any information about him or how he was doing. The laws where she lives currently are different than ours. Now, I have never had a motorcyclist hit me and crash. However, I have been to foreign countries where the drivers are crazy and don't follow any rules and could totally empathize with her. I know anxiety and worry and so I could empathize with her worry for this man. I also have been in a car accident and could relate to the anxiety that comes with driving after being in an accident. I could put myself in her shoes. I put her name in the temple and have had a prayer in my heart for her all day because I care about her. I couldn't reach out and give her a hug but I could say, ME TOO. 

Brene Brown says, "Practice courage and reach out!" Yes, I want to hide, but the way to fight shame and to honor who we are is by sharing our experience with someone who has earned the right to hear it-someone who loves us, not despite out vulnerabilities, but because of them. 

OR from one of the best books:

When we climb into someone else's skin and walk around in it our perspective sure changes we gain compassion and empathy. 

When I think of a man who has the most compassion for others and is a perfect example of empathy I think of Jesus Christ. I think of how he groaned for the Nephite children when he visited them. I think of when Simon Peter cut off the soldiers ear who came to take Jesus to the cross and Jesus then healed it. That is compassion, that is empathy. Think of the people he fed with fishes and bread because they were hungry and the people he healed. Along with the fact that he suffered for us in Gethsemane and  on the cross in a way I can not comprehend. 

He truly can say, ME TOO. 

One of my favorite teachers in the scriptures is King Benjamin. In Mosiah 4:19 He says, "Are we all not beggars?"

Don't we all need compassion, understanding, and people to stand in our shoes for a second so they can say, ME TOO. 

I will be better at standing in others shoes. 

XOXO- Me Too. The Sunny D

Dear Santa,

Who's as excited as I am for Christmas? 

I love Christmas. Actually, I love all the holidays leading up to Christmas and I feel bad that right now I am skipping right over Thanksgiving. Thanksgiving is also a favorite holiday. OK let me be honest, I just love holidays, all of them. But I really love Christmas. Back to Christmas. 

So it felt a smidge cooler today. It was 80 degress outside, so I wore a scarf. It's COLD in ARIZONA! 

My daughter loves holidays as much as I do and she is a true believer. She believes in the Tooth Fairy, Santa, The Easter Bunny, and Rocky our Elf on the Shelf. This year she has already been talking about the hoverboard she wants for Christmas. I told her I was not buying her a hoverboard and she replied, "I'll just ask Santa." Which then started a several day worry session in my head about how to break it to her that I am Santa and am not buying her a hoverboard. I mean after all she is in fifth grade, but who am I to squash her believer heart? Right? How do I do this gently? Lovingly? Sensitively and not crush her innocence? Especially because I am a true believer in letting children be children for as long as you can. Childhood is magical and children are so special, just let them be little is my philosophy. 

So, last Sunday we went on a drive. It may or may not have been to McDonald's. On our drive my heart was sad, this wasn't news I wanted to break to her. I didn't want her to not believe in magic, or hope for things, that your hearts wish could really come true. But, I also could not afford a hoverboard or the subsequent broken arm as I pictured in my head. So I said to her, " Ellie, I have to talk to you about something." She said, "What Mom?" Looking at me with her cute little hazel eyes and smattering of freckles across her nose. I said, "Santa is not real, I am Santa." And she said....I know Mom. Smiling. 

That is when I realized that she was just going along with the whole thing for me. My special girl. 

She had asked me in September if we could get a jump start on decorating for Halloween because I never decorate for Halloween. My heart kind of sank because it is sad but true. As much as I love holidays the best I can muster in the decoration department is a few pumpkins on the table and one by the door outside, uncarved of course. I used to go all out, it was like the holidays threw up on my house. These days I am just trying to get dinner made. So, this weekend I decided to get a little head start on Christmas decorating and I am kind of excited about it. My kids come home tomorrow and I think they will be happy. I will get those huge poinsettia's from Costco to go on either side of the door soon. It's better than nothing right?? 

So back to Santa. Now what? Both my kids know Santa is not real, but how do we create a feeling of magic? My friend Laura suggested that they each be Santa for each other. So that is what we are going to do this year. I told the kids I would pitch in $25 each and they need to pitch in $25 each and they are in charge of getting the Santa gifts for each other. I will do the stockings, and I have a few other little surprises too but I think this will be fun. Plus, they will be thinking about each other and not themselves 100% which is what we want for our kids, to think of others. Why not start right with the people in your home? I am excited for Christmas this year. I have some fun family gifts that I want to get for us. So we will see. I hope it is a good one. 

As for me....I believe in magic, in wishes of the heart, and hope. 

XOXO-It's beginning to look a lot like Christmasssssss......The Sunny D