Oh, let's go back to the start.........The Scientist-Chris Martin

Nobody said it was easy
No one ever said it would be this hard

Oh, take me back to the start

If you have watched the video of the song, The Scientist you will see that at some point it rewinds and you see the story as a whole. So I am going to follow suit and rewind the month of August.

I have so many thoughts in my head and so many things that I am not "allowed" to say and feelings about life I have and so today I need to dump. Read on or not. For some reason I feel like this might be tied to the two and a half week sinus infection that will not go away...I think sometimes energy, emotions, and illness are tied up in some way. How? Who knows just an idea from the Gospel of Dior.

August 1st the month started out with a bang...literally. I was stopped behind a car in the bank parking lot. I had just made a deposit and was waiting to turn onto the road. The car in front of me was taking selfies for a loooong time totally unaware that she was holding up a long line of traffic. I thought maybe I should honk, and then I thought, no I hate when people honk at me it seems a growing trend for people to honk at each other lately. As I thought this the F-150 behind me decided to go around and in going around I mean scraped the back of my car. After talking to the woman I realized she was not ok and maybe high. That was a whole rigmarole of a day going from she had insurance to she didn't have insurance to she did have insurance. With me crying in the Wal-Mart stall because I needed some school supplies for my classroom and wasn't sure how I could pay the $500 deductible and a prayer asking Heavenly Father to help me. He did, she ended up having insurance. Luckily, my car was quickly fixed and I have been going to the chiropractor a couple times a week. I didn't think it would be a big deal but I noticed the next day my whole left side hurt and then realized it was probably from the fender bender. Day one of August.

August 3rd. Brace Faces coming soon. This is an ex-ray of poor Ells' mouth. No wonder her teeth hurt her constantly. Another hurdle to jump financially but it is necessary as you can see. Aydan has a straight forward case essentially his teeth look just like mine did at his age. It's so funny he only has four permanent teeth in the front and looks a bit like a cute little rodent. 

To quote Sheri, "Braces are necessary because it's not like we live in England or a third world country." Please laugh at this like I did.

Monday, August 8th- Meet the teacher. I met my adorable little students. Every single student came those little precious souls eager, nervous, and excited for second grade. What a privilege it is for me to be their teacher. 

My friend Melissa did microblading on my eyebrows that evening after meet the teacher. She is really good and I love how it turned out..no more penciling in! You can see her work at IG. FancymebyMelissa. Her contact number is #480-815-6416. 

Tuesday, August 9th- I received word that my Uncle Kemp had suddenly passed away. He had a massive heart attack. I sat at my desk and cried. Uncle Kemp was many things. One of those things was he loved me. He loved me because Nora his wife loved me and she loved me because she loved my Mom, who loved me. Love is cyclical, it is exponential, it grows especially in families. Kemp could be a turd sometimes, he was well read and had strong opinions, he had well crafted arguments he was so smart. He was also tender and kind. Let me tell you some things about Kemp: 

When I was four or so he and my Uncle Jay took me camping with my cousins Ben and Ryan. You see at this time in my life my Father was not present. Luckily for me, I had a grandpa and uncles who filled that role. I sat in the back of the truck and drank Squirt as we drove away. I was thrilled. On our camping trip I can remember we had a olive green army tent that the kids slept in. Jay and Kemp slept under the stars. I must have been whimpering or maybe crying in the middle of the night because I was SO cold. Uncle Kemp said, "Dior are you okay to which I must have said I was cold. He said come here and I went over to him where he snuggled me next to him in his sleeping bag. In the morning Uncle Jay made one of his famous camping breakfasts with little potatoes, eggs, bacon. I was always a tag along with Kemp and Nora. They took me places with them and I have many early childhood memories of Kemp and Nora. Nora playing her flute, a freshly baked cherry pie with criss-cross crust on top, blue carpet. As I aged, Kemp came to check out my parents house when they were out of town. All the flood lights had been tripped the night before which freaked me out of course. He and Nora came the next night and checked the whole house. We found out later that there was a peeping tom who lived next door...as story all in itself. He was always happy to see me and kind. I ran into him at a singles conference once which was weird to see your uncle at something like that...but.....as I talked to him he said, "Just stand here and talk to me, you and your friends are making me look good." Which, we laughed. He always had a compliment and a kind word. He will be missed. 

Wednesday, August 10th-School Started and I am such a great Mom I don't even have a first day of school picture of my kids. They were at their Dad's that morning and I am grateful my two babes were taken care of, hair done, teeth brushed, breakfast had over there. In my classroom before school Ellie told me that Aydan said he felt like he was going to throw up he was so nervous for seventh grade. They both had a great first day. I love them. 

Friday, August 12- I was sitting in a PLC meeting with my second grade team when I received a text that my cousin Ryan needed a place for he and his family for the funeral. Kemp is Ryan's Dad. I was so happy he asked me. Of course they could stay! What is family for? I ran to the store and tried to make my house comfy for this awesome little family. I loved having their cute kids here and the opportunity we had to get to know them better. I love his wife April. It was a wonderful time of reminiscing and realizing what life is really all about. Love, Family. 

Ellie and I went to my nephew Westin's baptism. Then we went to a movie Saturday with Cameron, Azer, Ellie, and Nora. We had a lot of fun! Aydan was at a camp out kayaking down the Colorado with his Dad for scouts. Ellie and I stole away for an hour or so and had dinner together and went to Sephora where I put orange make-up on her. We also caught a few Pokemon. 

Tuesday, August 16- Uncle Kemp's Funeral. It was a lovely service. 

Wednesday, August 17- Spanish Sassafrass had bought tickets to Adele and it was postponed. SO SAD. However, I had started to come down with a sinus infection. So maybe it was ok after all. 

Saturday, August 20-My cute, prego, little sister and her husband moved. We helped a bit in the morning. 

Sunday, August 21- I went to a fireside with Spanish Sassafrass...if you listen to Alessa Cara's song, Here, it sums up my feelings about any activity related to mid-singles. 

Monday, August 22-Ellie wanted to run for student council and Aydan wanted to be on the wrestling team for school. So we spent the evening after school getting them ready. Aunt Morgan hepled us make a poster for the campaign. 

Ellie's poster in the Cafeteria at school. It love how it turned out. It is so fun watching your kids grow and be involved. I can't wait to watch Aydan's wrestling matches he seems to really be enjoying it. 

Isn't she just the cutest ever? Here she is waiting to give her speech. She didn't end up winning but that is OK! I am proud of her for trying. 

Recently--It was brought up to me that someone was jealous of the things that I have done since I have been single. Mainly in referencing trips and comparing my life to their life. Here is the thing it made feel like I couldn't share the fun things I do. I don't think that's fair. Number one, it wasn't my decision to be single in the first place. Facebook and social media in general are not a "FULL" or "FAIR" interpretation of life. All you see are the shiny moments you don't get to see the day in day out exhaustion of it all. We really have no clue as to what each other's daily lives are like my problems and struggles are just that, mine. And, for one I am not going to let someone make me feel bad for the few moments I get to have fun. OR, feel like I have to hide what I am doing. I will not apologize for TRYING under these circumstances to live a life of JOY. 

There. Oh, wait....there's more. 

Or judge me for how I am paying for them. Trust me, the financial struggle is UNREAL and I have some generous friends and family who take me to do things with them. Why, should I apologize for that.or feel anything but grateful. Trust me, I went from wearing Anthropolgie to Wal-Mart. I'm not complaining about it but I would rather my 12 year old son have a pair of Van's for school and me not get anything new for school. It's called sacrifice and selecting very carefully to the penny where money goes for EVERYTHING. SO if you see me doing something fun, please just be happy with me and I'll be happy with you when you do fun things. Deal? 

Some not great news....my last post I had talked about how I was excited to run a few races but I got the news this week that I have arthritis in my knee and am off running completely and trying to do physical therapy to re-hab it. I had hoped that by going to spin class it would strengthen and get better but that hasn't happened. I am learning a lot that life is all about looking for the silver linings. I am excited to swim and continue spin class. At least, I can do those things! 

I just found a weevil in my ramen. Silver lining?? Ew. I ate some of the ramen too. 

Tuesday I went to the much anticipated Coldplay concert. It was a birthday gift. A bucket list item. A dream come true. It was probably the very best concert I have ever been to and a night full of JOY! YAY! 

AANNNND back to reality....

The view of my bedroom and like....100 socks with out a match. I have a sinus infection, I'm beyond tired. I had a full on melt-down this week on Wednesday after I had worked, gone to physcial therapy, made dinner, cleaned up, taken Aydan to Scouts, grabbed a bag of ice and was looking forward to sitting down for thirty minutes until I picked him up again when Ellie in her sweet voice said, "Mom, we need to type up my speech." I had a full on, in the kitchen, exhausted mother melt down. I said, "I don't think I can do one more thing today, can we do it in the morning." To which she said something like...you promised you would help me....as tears poured out of my eyes and I laid my head on the counter top and gurgled I just don't think I can do one more thing today...(Have you seen the girl that cries all the time on Bachelor in Paradise?? It was a cry like that) I sobbed. SOBBED. I said a prayer for help. I sobbed some more probably like a good five minute cry with Ellie watching me disbeleiving on the staircase caught in a moment of unsure WHAT she should do. Like..should she come help or watch this crying episode unfold in horror. I got control of myself and felt better. We went up and typed the speech. We then went to pick up Aydan fro scouts and all came home and went to bed at 8:30. Does this look glamorous? Be jealous. BE VERY JEALOUS. 

So here I sit, my first day alone in weeks. A day off. The kitchen has been tidied. The socks are still on the floor along with a pile of unfolded clean wash. The laundry hampers are full, the upstairs bathroom's and bedroom's are dirty. I have an upset tummy...hence why I even chose ramen for lunch, then the weevil, a sinus infection and a half clean house. I'm poor but I'm happy. I'm beyond busy but with a full life. My children and family are my priority. My life is simple and I can sleep at night. My problems are ones that I would choose, they are manageable. So that is the silver lining. In fact it's pretty awesome. No body said it was easy, No one said it would be this hard. 

XOXO- The Sunny D- a full life. 

Great Fun

It's always great fun when you are trying to que up your running play list and you accidentally take a selfie on the treadmill. Especially when you don't realize it and then you see the action shot later.

Running:

My knees hurt.

I ran the farthest I have run in a very longtime in this photo, four miles. I thought to myself I can't wait until four miles is my easy short run and not my long hard run. When I get to that point I will know I have made it.

I can't wait until I actually look forward to this part of my day instead of kind of dread it.

Then I crank up my playlist and zone out.

Songs ALWAYS on my run playlist: (All the edited versions of course)

Guns N' Roses: Welcome to the Jungle, Paradise City
Eminem: Lose Yourself....His palms are sweaty, knees weak, arms are heavy, There's vomit on his sweater already, mom's spaghetti, He's nervous but on the surface he looks calm and ready......Best running song ever

Run-DMC: It's Tricky

A few songs I like right now for my run playlist: Mary Lambert, Secrets and Katy Perry, Rise

If you haven't heard Mary Lambert's song you must give it a listen....just say yes to mom jeans and cat earrings.

*********************************************************************************

MORE Great Fun..........

I changed the voice on Siri to be an Austrailian man. I like to pretend it is Chris Hemsworth giving me driving directions. It has made driving so much more fun. If I get tired of Chris then I just pretend it is Hugh Jackman giving me directions. You should really try it. Unless you are on a 24 hour road trip to California and you forget how to switch it back to regular USA accent. The fact that you are in unfamiliar territory plus an Austrialian accent may land you in La Jolla instead of Huntington Beach. It's confusing and hard to understand Chris/Hugh. You hear LOLLA and your like what is LOLLA where in the heck is LOLLA??? (La Jolla) So watch out for that. Happy Driving.

XOXO- The Sunny D

Words

Please ignore my sad attempt at drawing honeycomb in three seconds. 

I have been thinking a lot about words.

 Last year, I had the opportunity to testify in a court hearing. A real court hearing! I had attended (FIVE YEARS BEFORE) a hockey game in which one of the attendees drunkenly got into fisticuffs with a man sitting right in front of us. The drunken man was belligerent, crude, and yelled embarrassing obscenities for the whole of the game. Let's just say things escalated. The drunken man came down our aisle and began punching two men who were sitting in front of us because they had asked him to knock it off. Five years later he was suing the two men.......it was the dumbest thing ever and one that had cost both parties hundreds of thousands of dollars. The drunken man was relentless in his pursuit of these two very wealthy men even though the whole incident was his fault. I was put under oath. I sat on the stand and was questioned by the drunken mans lawyer. He tried to make me look like an idiot. After all, that was his job but it was not to be. After fumbling through his questions I could tell I had the jury in my pocket. They were regular people just like me and I was there to tell the truth. It was like the lawyer didn't know what to do with the truth. When he saw he wasn't getting anywhere with his questioning he summed up our time with this statement, "Ms. Tidwell you are a teacher, correct?" Yes, I said. He continued smugly, "You know the nursery rhyme that says sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me?" I said, yes I am familiar with that saying. He then went on to say, "Do you agree that sticks and stones can break your bones but words can never hurt you?" To which I replied, "No, that is not true both can hurt you. In my class I teach the Golden Rule which is to treat others the way you want to be treated. Because words can absolutely hurt you." There were nods and smiles from the jury and the men who had sat in front of us at that Coyotes game. The drunken mans lawyer said, " That is all." The other side had no further questions and I left feeling like I had done a good thing. 

But I think about that moment a lot, on the stand testifying about the mistruth of a nursery rhyme. 

And sometimes I think of the words that have hurt me. Sometimes I think of the words that I have said that have hurt others. 

I recently listened to Oprah Winfrey's new book called, What I Know For Sure. I highly recommend it. In the book she talks about words. She talks about how Goldie Hawn made her home a No Gossip Zone and a place where her family would use words to uplift each other. She quotes Maya Angelou who poignantly said, “Words are things, I’m convinced. They get in your wallpaper. They get in your rugs, in your upholstery, in your clothes, and finally, into you,” Angelou said. “We must be careful about the words we use. Someday we will be able to measure the power of words.” 

I sure believe this to be true. One thing I know for sure are words are powerful whether they are kind or cruel. 

The Power of Words is our new theme for the year. Tonight we had our first lesson. We sang the hymn, Let Us Oft Speak Kind Words. We learned the first few phrases tonight by heart. I had the kids listen to a short excerpt from Oprah's book. We discussed how kind words make us feel and that we wanted our home to be a place of safety and love. We then looked up the scripture Proverbs 16:24. We each made a poster to hang somewhere in our house where we would see it and could ponderize it. I hope by having these little lessons it will sink in and everyone will be more kind to each other. I probably have the most to learn out of the three of us. It is our new school year goal. 

An hour later one of my children was dissatisfied with the treat available for dessert. Vanilla ice cream with fresh coconut shavings and a dark chocolate swirl. This child decided to have a small bowl of cocoa crispies. As the child was getting ready to walk to the kitchen table the other child walks up and teases saying, I want some and pretends to grab the spoon. The child holding the cereal jerks and cocoa crispies fly everywhere. To which name calling begins between the two children, your an idiot...your so stupid.... and then I yell about the fact that there is cereal all over the kitchen. 

Its called goals for a reason people. GOALS. 

XOXO- Good thing I get credit for trying. The Sunny D