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The Sunny D: August 2018

Sunday, August 26, 2018

Procuring Peace

Enjoying Picture Day at school since 1981. 

I wrote a whole blog with this same title and same picture. Sometimes the thoughts I have in my mind are important but I think maybe they are important for ME. So, possibly one day when my children IF they care to..read my stories there will be a slew of unpublished ones because sometimes I just have to write. When I write, I write to promote peace. Peace in my life, mind, and heart. 

This week was much different than last week. This week I focused on peace and rest. There had been a lot of outside stressors pulling at me. A friend sent me this quote and I have tried to honor it because it was exactly what I needed to hear on Monday. 

And every day,
the world will drag you
by the hand, yelling, 
"This is important!
You need to worry about this
And this! And this!"
And each day, it is up to you 
to yank your hand back, 
put it on your heart and say, 
"No. This is what's important." 

---Iain Thomas

She said, when you need to put your hand on your heart to remind you of that because you are pulled in so many directions. 

So this week, I put my hand on my heart and here's what it looked like. 

1. It is going for a run and dancing down the street to the music not caring who is watching and then running through the sprinklers home. Let out the inner five year old in her tutu! 
2. It is drinking half your body weight in water. 
3. It is going to bed at 7:30 two nights in a row because you are trying to get rid of a horrid head cold. 
4. It is a massage with MaryAnn---Who is the best and works out of the cutest little studio you ever did see. I love her and if you need a massage her number is #602-743-4263. Her massage studio is off of Gilbert road in Chandler. 
5. It is practicing gratitude! It is noticing all the little things that are beautiful and amazing in your life as I took notice my heart was just filled this week with love, and joy, and the purest happiness. 
6. Tell the people you love that you love them. 
7. Eat veggies...next weeks goal...veggies at every meal...green leafy veggies. 
8. It is reading and listening to uplifting books/scriptures/podcasts/music and feeding your heart, mind, and spirit. 


It was a huge change from the week before. This next week I have five am wake ups again but I am prepared. This week I get to see the dawn of 41. Forty one. I can say that I know what peace feels like and I am procuring it daily. 

XOXO-May you be at peace with your life and choices and know who you are. The Sunny D. 

Post Script:
A few things I love, love, loved.....I love a good romance...and here are a few I think everyone should indulge in.

Crazy Rich Asians in movie theaters now...MELT my Heart and the soundtrack....amazing.

To All the Boys I've Loved Before.....on Netflix.....ENJOY! 






Sunday, August 19, 2018

Broke


Sunday at my Mom's house after dinner and I swear I will never get tired of this little ginger snuggling up to me. I mean let's be honest the snuggles are getting less and less as he gets older but I still love it. 

The dish washer is running and there are still a pile of dishes in my sink. 
The dryer and washer are both going. 
The house was scoured yesterday and yet it is a mess today. 
There are piles of clothes on my coffee table folded and another pile unfolded on the couch. 
My allergies are CRAZY right now causing my eyes to do some seriously weird stuff and the pressure behind them is quite uncomfortable. 
And what does all this mess mean? It means people live here, and love here, and my house smells like Ghiradelli brownies fresh out of the oven but that isn't so bad. 

It is quiet right now. The quiet is something that has been needed desperately by me all week. It was my first full week back to work. Aydan has football practice at 5am and that meant that this not-ever-in-the-history-of-time-morning-person had to wake up super early in the morning. Like it is STILL night time at that hour and I have always whole heartedly believed people (meaning me) should never wake up before the sun. It is literally against all that is holy and yet here I am. Driving my son to practice in my muumuu or clothes on inside out haphazard hair and a hint of sleep breath and yesterday's mascara. I wouldn't even categorize this look as a hot mess. Maybe a sweaty, hot, middle aged, exhausted, ragamuffin and yet that even feels a bit generous. What is the lesson? 

I met my darling class this last week and they are pretty adorable. I have been a bit more strict than in the past and very legitimate in creating a work environment (classroom) that is happy for everyone including me. That means high expectations, praise, re-direction, and consistency from me. The first few weeks are a lot of work as we teachers are trying to get procedures in place. My class is doing well and I am happy to be their teacher. I also know that I am responsible for the environment I create and I am working very hard on that. 

Ellie is easy she loves school and reading. She helps me in the classroom after work tidying up or sharpening pencils and passing papers. She gets her homework done right away and I don't even have to ask her. I love having her with me she is just a love. 

A lot of living is going on here and our days this week have been very long ones. Starting at five am and ending after nine-thirty pm without putting a foot in our door. There has been a lot of juggling, and stressful situations. I have been asking myself, what is the lesson? 

I came home Friday and turned off my phone and fell onto my bed where I slept for two hours. Hard. Heavy sleep. Then I woke up at 7:30 and Ellie and I ran to Costco, and then at around 9pm I finally made dinner to get back to bed around 10:00. The pressure behind my eyes is unreal and the twitching finally let up today after another nap. Like I don't even know what is going on with them but it's like I go cross eyed and I can't see. Is this stress? Is this exhaustion? Is this allergies? Do I need glasses? I am just not sure. What is the lesson? 

I made a promise to myself that I would love myself but how do you do that when you are busy loving everyone else? How do you say no. How do you say no to your son who forgot his lunch in the fridge so early in the morning as he was rushing to football? I can't. So I bust my rear to go home and leave early to get his lunch to him. I mean I know love and logic says not to do that but gosh his days are as long as mine and he doesn't even GET a lunch period so how would he even go down and buy a lunch? This is just one example of many. I absolutely get to the point where I cannot look at one more human being by the end of the week or do one more thing. The personal emotional bank is overdrawn and this girl is BROKE. 

What is the lesson? 

I am still learning. Out of 144 hours how many of those did I spend loving myself? I have been running again. Running, my life line and a time that I can just be grateful that my body works, and can do this thing. Albeit slowly, but it goes and at 5:30 Friday morning when I was able to run my "LONG" run as my regular run I felt strong and capable for the first time in a long time. I was so happy with the progress. So out of 144 hours I will give myself two hours spent in self care, loving myself. I also read my scriptures almost every day for about (I'll be generous) 1 hour and fifteen minutes TOTAL. Maybe fifteen minutes each day. 

Is three hours and fifteen minutes enough time out of 144 hours? 

The pressure behind my eyes says no. 

The lesson is I have to use my time more wisely. I have to say no to the things that do not bring love, peace, and joy. I think that means cutting out social media which is such a time suck and such a waste of my most valuable commodity. 

Tonight as I have taken this hour to meditate over my week and see where I failed and see what I can do better I read the article Take the Holy Spirit as Your Guide. I knew there was something I needed to take a closer look at in this article because it has come up three times this week. THREE. Three is a magic number as we all know from the famous School House Rock song. Truly though, when something is brought to my attention three times, I know there is something I need to pay close attention to. So tonight, I read and I wrote and processed and asked for divine help and guidance. 

And now I am writing which is a form of meditation and processing for me. 
I have also cut back on soda and tried to drink half my body weight in water. That has been so helpful. So there are some really good things. 

The lesson. Do less. Be Organized. Sleep. Run. Read Scriptures. So you can bring your A game. Here I stand at the footstool of another week and I am the writer of it, how will it go? 

XOXO- The Sunny D

Thursday, August 2, 2018

Freshman

Oh my firstborn how is it that today you started high school? It seems just yesterday you were a dream that wouldn't come true...... four trying years waiting, hoping, heart aching, drugs that made me so sick just hoping for you my baby. And then you were here and I held you in the nursery and rocked and rocked you and I felt the invisible ribbon that sewed my heart to yours and I was forever changed. 

Last night as I locked the house up I looked over and saw your backpack and shoes ready and waiting for your first day of school and I could hardly believe it. You had packed your lunch and we had an alarm set for five am so I could drive you to football. 

This morning as you got out of the car and waved good by I drove away and watched you in the rear view mirror and I beamed with pride and ached with the knowledge of the few short years left that I have you. How does a Momma let go? And the lyrics came to my mind:

Well I've been afraid of changin' 
Cause I built my life around you
But time makes you bolder
Children get older
I'm getting older too

And if you read this some day my son I hope I taught you the things you need to know to navigate this world. I hope you feel the invisible ribbon that ties our hearts together in a bow and know that I love you more than yesterday and less than tomorrow. That I am so proud of you the person you are becoming. You are so smart and kind and good to others. You are fun and funny and all of a sudden super responsible. You are my helper.

 Do you remember that time about a month ago that I sat in church with my heart broken and the tears just wouldn't stop coming down and I was embarrassed but you just put your arms around me and rocked me? You rocked me. Sitting side by side my head on your shoulder. 

I can't wait to see what you do in these next few years. I can't wait to watch you play football. I can't wait to see you make new friends and grow. I am so excited for you! 

And yet...with tears...I still feel like I dropped off my kindergartner to school and I worried about you today. Did you find your classes? Do you like your teachers? Are there any cute girls in your classes? Do we need to get any supplies? Did you make any new friends? Did you get to eat your lunch? All these things and I knew you had it under control but I am still your Mom and you are still my baby. You won't see this worry or the tears that I finally let go safe now in my room. You are downstairs talking to your sister and your homework is already done. 

I love you my fourteen year old freshman boy. 

Landslide (If you want to listen to the song on my heart today)

XOXO- I love my babes. The Sunny D