Thirty-Six in less than 48.

Waiting.

Here I am.

Thirty Five a dream.

Last year I was looking for a goal, something that said "HELLO WORLD, I AM BACK 35 is NOTHIN'!"

I ran a marathon. 

4am before the race, talcum powdered feet in the hall way.

I have decided that I think it's dumb when people talk about the ONE marathon they ran. I want to say LOOK, LIFE is a marathon and we are all running it. But, I don't. I guess I have learned that what you want to say, doesn't always have to be said. 

Birthday's make me reflect on the last year. It has been a very good one for me. Sure, there were the regular ups and downs. Actually, there were some real highs and real lows but overall I would say that 35 was pretty great. For me 35 was the year I rediscovered Dior, I finally remembered who I am. I accepted things in my life and I took some wobbly steps of Faith forward.  I became me again. Imperfect Perfection. Perfectly Imperfect and OK with it. I learned that love is a gift that can always be given, the best gift. I remembered that I was STRONG and SMART and CAPABLE. I had sort of forgotten those things about me. I remembered how much I love to be silly and laugh and that I AM FUN. 

I went back to work full time.

4th grade field trip.

I remembered what it was like to be a child. 

I made lots of new friends. 

I went to Spain where I was reminded that friendship and humanity are beautiful no matter where you are in the world. I learned that I am awestruck by the brilliance of this world and love any travel adventure! Are these not the cutest old men? By far one of my favorite photos from Spain.

I relearn every year that I have the best parents and family in the world. ( Can I please be their age and have this much fun together with my spouse? ADORABLE.) There are no other people I'd rather be with. I hope I can be as good of a parent to my children as my parents have been to me. 

I am the luckiest 35 year old in the world. 

I have started a silly thing this year. Most mornings, I draw an invisible circle on the ground. I do this before I get ready and just after I hop out of bed after morning prayers. I put all the things I hope for that day in the circle. I throw in a little kindness, understanding, patience and love, friendship and creativity, peace, strength to accomplish all of my tasks, a calm heart, the ability to see clearly the needs of others..whatever I need for that day. Then I jump in the circle and pull it up around me and tie it in a bow at the top of my head. I know. Strange. But, I what I have learned is the mornings I do this it sets a tone for the day of how I want to feel and act towards others, and how I want them to act toward me. I notice a BIG difference in the days I do this. This might be the best thing I learned this year. Out of small and simple things, come great things. I believe this. I have tried to give my children the loving Mother they deserve, I have balanced my life through self care, I have worked hard and I can't wait to be 36. 

So on Thursday I toss these things in my invisible circle. 36 wishes for a wonderful year.

1. I wish to be my true authentic self.

2. I wish to learn and be curious.

3. I wish to be kind.

4. I wish to be smart.

5. I wish to be forgiving.

6. I wish to eat delicious food every now and again.

7. I wish to be present with my children.

8. I wish to inspire those I teach to be a little better, a little brighter, and excited about their future.

9. I wish to have a clean house (this REALLY IS wishful thinking)

10. I wish to eat a filet o fish at least once a month.

11. I wish to help and love others

12. I wish to never forget who I am.

13. I wish to not be afraid of things

14. I wish Feral cat will go away.

15. I wish to feel joy

16. I wish for my children's happiness

17. I wish for the ability to make good choices

18. I wish to travel to a new place this year

19. I wish for adventure.

20. I wish for health

21. I wish to always have so many wonderful friends

22. I wish to be LUCKY

23. I wish for the desires of my heart

24. I wish to be a little better tomorrow than I am today.

25. I wish to save more money

26. I wish to be content with myself

27. I wish to laugh 

28. I wish to have fun

29. I wish to take the time to be still

30. I wish to have peace in my heart and my home

31. I wish to be a good friend

32. I wish to be a better listener

33. I wish to slow down a little, not so much multi tasking

34. I wish to feel the rays of the sun sink into my skin

35. I REALLY wish for new car handles and a radio, and maybe a new beach cruiser since I ran over mine with my SUV. :(

36. I wish for the best year I have ever had, EVER. 

A dream is a wish your heart makes. Never stop dreaming. 

XOXO- The Sunny D

Feral Cat STRIKES AGAIN!

This is NOT feral cat. I love taking pictures of random cats I see when I am on trips, why is it they seem so content? They must have secret. OH! I know what it is, they take lots of naps! This cat is in Dublin, Ireland. 

It had been a particularly stressful week. I was run down after trying to get rid of this dumb cold that won't disappear and a sore leg. However, the show must go on! So on Wednesday I raced to pick up the kids from their Dad's house. I picked up Aydan from scouts and then we headed to drop Ells off at gymnastics and I head across the street to my work out. (Which I am limited to only do upper body and OH how I miss running. I can't even tell you.) We came home where I whipped up a meal that has been in my Mom's dinner rotations for YEARS. Hawaiian Meatball's. They are super yummy. I cooked the rice, made the meatballs, sauce, and broccoli. We sat down to eat FINALLY around 7:30. We cleaned up, I made lunches and we all flopped into bed around 9:00. I read quietly for a bit and then dozed peacefully to sleep. 

Until 1:30 AM. 

When I heard this racket that was Aydan screaming down the hall. Incoherently, I jumped out of bed..WHA?! What's going on? He flips on the light in my room and I am blinded. MOOOOOOOOOM! MOOOOOOM! Mom! MOM! MOOOOM! There is a cat in my room!!!!!!!!

It wasn't this cat either. This is a cat that was sunning itself in Spain at the Monastery where Christopher Columbus started his LIFE JOURNEY. Now, this cat is SORT of a closer resemblance to the cat that was in our house, but A LOT CUTER. 

ME: What? A cat?!?!

Aydan: MOOOOOOOM. MOOOOOM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I can hear it meowing. I promise there is a cat in my room. 

ME: Okay. I will go check it out.

Aydan stays behind me as I walk down the hall to the entrance of his room. Where I hear, Reow, Meow, meeeeeoow. 

GREAT! GREAT. I think what am I going to do. First of all I can barely walk, I have this blood clot in my leg which has left me to hobble around all the time. Second of all what if the cat has DISEASES? I mean, real diseases AND FLEAS. UGHHH. Then I catch of glimpse of FERAL CAT. 

NOW. This is a very close likeness of FERAL CAT. I drew it for the kids in my class as I was telling them the story...because this is a story that 4th graders HAVE to hear. They just have to. 

When I see feral cat, I realize it is the SAME cat that has been sneaking into my house through my TEENSY TINSY doggie door. 

Which, you may remember my summer time mystery post when I found CLUMPS of WHITE hair ON MY COUCH!!!!! and at the bottom of the DOGGIE DOOR! Why was the doggie door open you might be asking? Especially if we KNOW there is a special visitor that that has made my house its own?

Because of this little guy. Louie, a very much beloved family pet in the Burt household. The family dog. He loves everybody and my family was at the beach all week while I had to come home to work. So of course, Louie came to stay at my house. I have a doggie door just his size, PERFECT!!! 

Except of course. When I forget to LOCK the doggie door after Louie comes home and FERAL CAT makes its appearance. 

At this point Ellie wakes up from all the racket. I just have to say WHY did the cat pick Aydan's room? The boy who is allergic to cats. OF COURSE. We all run downstairs, I am realizing that I have to be the brave adult in this situation, however I have NOTHING. No great ideas, no courage to get that thing out of the house. So, all I can think to do is go upstairs and close the door to Aydan's room. Here is out 1:30 AM think tank session of HOW in the HECK are we going to get the cat out of the house.

This is Ellie. Throwing her head back and laughing at the situation.

Here we are. Still no great idea's. 

I think OK what would my DAD do. So I walk up the stairs and YELL at the cat SCRAM in my most intimidating Paul Burt voice I can muster. The cat just meowed back at me. I am apparently, not very intimidating. 

I walk back down the stairs and the kids are thinking of making all kinds of contraptions to get the cat out. When I decide to call the NON Emergency police line. I thought, "WELL maybe they have an animal control unit for this time of night that can come and get crazy cats out of peoples houses?" I don't know!?!! ALL I know is I AM NOT GOING NEAR FERAL CAT AND FERAL CAT CANNOT SPEND THE NIGHT POOPING/PEEING/COUGHING UP HAIR BALLS/ FLINGING ITS FLEAS ALL OVER AYDAN'S ROOM. 

Dispatcher: Hello Non Emergency Police line how can I help you?

Me: I have a WILD feral cat in my house that I cannot get out myself.

Dispatcher: Excuse me? You have a cat in your house?

Me: YES. A FERAL CAT. 

In my sons room, under his bed. 

Dispatcher: Have you tried to lure it out with Tuna Fish. 

Me: No. I am not going near that cat. It is meowing at us from under the bed. 

Dispatcher: The cat is wild?

Me: WILD. YES. 

Dispatcher: Is the cat hissing at you.

Me: No. It is meowing at us. And....here is the thing. I am a single Mom with a blood clot in my leg so I am not really in the position to be chasing a cat out of my house right now I can barely walk. Plus, other cats sort of freak me out. You know, cats that aren't mine. 

Dispatcher: I see. So you can't try some tuna? 

ME: I GUESS I could try tuna but won't the cat decide that it like sit here? And want to stay? And what if the cat bites me? I don't really want to go near the scary cat. 

Dispatcher: Ok. Well. I will see if there is anyone who has a moment to help you tonight.

ME; Thank you so much I would REALLY appreciate it.

At this point I decide it would probably be a good idea to not be in JUST my UNDERWEAR in case someone shows up. This was a good decision because as soon as I throw on my super sexy transformers t shirt there is a rumble outside behind my house. 

I would say that this is a VERY close likeness as to what I would have looked like except with out the beach. 

There is a knock at the door and when I open it:

Yes, my friends. 

Feral cat has given me a gift. 

The gift of 8 handsome firemen, in uniform. 

This is approximately when I realize how DUMB this whole situation is and that I am wearing REALLY tight workout pants and a transformers t shirt. Sigh. Oh well. 

Six of the eight go up the stairs all in a row. Two stay down to talk to me. When I hear one of them call, WE CAN HEAR THE CAT....WE JUST CAN'T SEE THE CAT. I yell...WELL MAYBE LOOK IN THE CLOSET. When I head up the stairs to help with Ellie trailing behind me and Aydan looking on from down the stairs. I reach the top of the stairs when I hear...........

OH! I found it!

and see a WHITE FLASH ZOOM out of Aydan's room and down the stairs with two shiny black eyes looking at me. It blows past Ellie on the landing WHO HAPPENS to put her foot down on its tail. As it WHIPS it's tail out from under her foot BOTH her FEET ARE FLIPPED INTO THE AIR AND SHE  lands FLAT on her back. I have never seen such a thing in real life. ONLY cartoons. I am laughing hysterically at this point when I hear AYDAN. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

It touched me! It touched my leg! and then the flap, flap, flap of the doggie door. The firemen go home. I lock the doggie door. The kids are so freaked out they all pile into my bed where I soothe them back to sleep. 

Friday evening.

We get home late. 

The lights are out and it is totally dark. 

We head to the stairs where I realize the stairway lights have burned out. I can sense Aydan's anxiety as he starts up the stairs, in fact I can tell he wants me to go first. When I say, meow! and he jumps about five feet in the air and I am laughing so hard I can hardly contain myself. 

FERAL CAT. STRIKES AGAIN. 

May your life be as fun as mine is. 

The Sunny D-XOXO

Life's a Beach

I wish I had a beach in my backyard. 

There isn't a place I would rather be than the beach, I am happy through and through. I have to say that California beaches are COLD. I had forgotten just how cold the water was and I was chilled to the bone after boogie boarding for an hour. But, I was happy as a clam. 

Life can get sticky. There are a lot of unknowns, for instance I had a sinus infection so bad in this picture that when I would blow my nose if would bleed incessantly. Nice huh. You wouldn't know that from this picture OR the weekend after this picture I was in the ER having an ultra sound of my leg..do you see it the left leg here so beautiful. The one that was in so much pain from the vein that was stripped a month ago? It now has a blood clot, so painful but healing day by day. The last few weeks have been tricky ones, hard ones, confusing ones and I am tired of making decisions. I think I hear the beach calling me again. 

Here is my little family, ready for church in California. I forgot to pack Aydan's tie. Oops. We had so much fun at the beach house and are so thankful that my Mom and Dad did this for us. It was so fun to have a family vacation all together. I love those two babies of mine. I was thinking the other day on my drive home from work about those days when my children were at home and small. I remember how long the days felt and how exhausted I was. I remember wondering if those days would ever end. I remember those days were filled with church callings, and making yummy dinners, grocery shopping and carefully planning out just the right meal. I remember rocking babies, singing songs, doing puzzles, reading books, pushing them in the jogging stroller so I could run. I remember long days of being the only adult and craving some adult conversation. I had time to do the laundry and clean the house, drop off and pick up dry cleaning. I can hardly believe Aydan is to my shoulder and Ellie barely fits on my lap. 

What happened? Where did those babies go? How did life become so busy that the days pass in a snap and now it is almost FALL of 2013???

I am so excited to be their Mom. I love everyday that I get to hear about their lives and the things they are learning at school. I love running them to scouts or gymnastics and then home, tired EVERY ONE of us. Home, to a kitchen that is cold just waiting for me to warm it up with unplanned meals. Not perfect meals, not gourmet meals that I used to cook but yummy meals none the less. I think sometimes the easy dinners are even better than the fancy ones. Especially if it's waffles. MMMM. Waffles for dinner. I love Saturdays that we clean and I have to practically scrape Ellie off the floor to help because she is moaning and GROANING about doing any sort of work! I love washing and drying laundry, getting dishes into the dishwasher and ironing the clothes for the next week. I loved going to Costco today, Saturday of all days. BUSY, CRAZY Costco to get the necessary groceries for the next few weeks. My two kids in tow, happily glazing the store stopping at one sample table and then the next. I love Saturdays like these that I was supposed to have free but then surprisingly, I get the kids for the weekend. It makes me so happy to be their Mom. These two little gems that I just adore. 

So amidst the hard stuff, and the decisions and the things that tire me out I have all of these GREAT things. I have children that I love so much, I am a MOM, I have a family that loves me, I am a teacher to a class of adoring students, MY BEDROOM IS CLEAN!! WOOT WOOT. I have soft feet and freshly painted toes. I have friends that I love and that love me. I have support from those around me, My leg is HEALING slowly but surely, I am a lucky girl. A happy, lucky girl. 

TTFN

The Sunny D

When Your 6 Year Old Gets Your Camera On Vacation

We went to the beach as a family. My brother Marshall came home from his mission and we packed up and headed to the beach. It was glorious and I think she got the BEST picture my Dad has EVER taken. EVER. 

Perceptions.

ohuffff...........

That boy has my heart wrapped around his little finger. My perception of HIM is that he is the smartest, cutest, BEST, happiest, funniest, little boy around.

“What you see and what you hear depends a great deal on where you are standing. It also depends on what sort of person you are.” 

― C.S. Lewis, The Magician's Nephew

“No man has the right to dictate what other men should perceive, create or produce, but all should be encouraged to reveal themselves, their perceptions and emotions, and to build confidence in the creative spirit.” 
― Ansel Adams

“We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars.” 
― Oscar Wilde, Lady Windermere's Fan

“Dream delivers us to dream, and there is no end to illusion. Life is like a train of moods like a string of beads, and, as we pass through them, they prove to be many-colored lenses which paint the world their own hue. . . . ” 
― Ralph Waldo Emerson

I love all four of these creative men. Each different, and each to me a genius in his own right.  I have been thinking a lot about perception lately. I mean, if I have one conversation with someone about something am I actually HEARING what they are saying? Or, am I hearing what I THINK they are saying because of the many influences on MY life. Do I hear the positives in the conversation? OR do I hear the negative soundtrack in my head? 

Does this line of thinking make you feel tired? Because, I think about this stuff a lot. 

For Instance: 

There is a song called Breathe by Anna Nalick

Listen Here

I loved this song so much for a long time. It used to play at the movie theater before the previews. You know how they showcase a certain singer sometimes? I remember loving it the first time I heard it. I loved how she slurred parts of the verses, like slurring notes on a violin. Her voice was her violin.

But then something curios happened.

I had an experience that is vivid like the color puce. Puce Green.

I won't go into detail, I will just say that I was walking alone, wandering actually aimlessly. In a zone that no one could break through zombie like. I was aware only that I was in Las Vegas, and that I was riding DOWN on an elevator. I was not drunk. I don't drink, or do drugs. The emotions going through my body were so intense it was like fireworks went off for an hour straight right in front of my face. I couldn't take anything else in. I was walking dead. I looked up and there were those lights everywhere. You know the Las Vegas lights, too many, too bright. When all of a sudden, breathe came over the sound system. Anna Nalick sang just for me and that was when I started to BREATHE. Literally. Just Breathe.

So now my perception of the song is different. It is colored by my perception, by the events in my life at that moment. I feel two things when I hear this song, a command. "Dior, just breathe." and I feel pain, literal physical pain and I see McDonald's, my feet on an escalator, and bright lights all around me. EVERY TIME I hear that song.

A song that was once just beautiful totally changed by my perception of ONE life event.

Except, that now Ihave a birds eye view of it, that event, those chain of events in my life and my perception is different. It is different because although initially I feel pain, I then feel strength. The strength that can only come from walking THROUGH an event just like that one and learning.

So here is another thought, What about my perception of marriage?

I mean, my marriage is over. It was broken, it nearly broke me in fact. But it didn't. Here I am. I have a bird's eye view. I am thankful for marriage. I am happy for second chances and I see my Mom and Dad who have shown me that second chances are just like anything good. They are hard work, but anything that is hard work is worth it. You see, I was able to see my parents marriage from the beginning. Not many children have that perception or what I would like to call an advantage. Many of us look at our parents and say, "This is exactly what a marriage should look like." But they forget that it has taken dozens of years for that marriage to become that well worn in and comfortable. That what they see is two committed people who WORKED for decades!

It is an unrealistic perception of marriage. For a new marriage to be as comfortable as one that has been well worn into like your best holey pair of jeans. There are growing pains and there are JOYFUL moments too.

How about how we perceive ourselves?

I sometimes have a negative soundtrack that plays in my head. I have to work at that a lot. I have to kick that stuff out and look at things with a fresh perspective. I have to remember that my life events sometimes color NEW life events grey and sometimes they color NEW life events pink, and yellow, and blue. 

I guess my point here is that I have been trying to see things from different perspectives, not taking my initial VIEW as the gospel truth, especially if the view is a negative one. Personally, I think the story of Adam and Eve is the greatest love story around. I know some people would look at that story and think it was pretty stinky. But, I see two people deeply committed to each other and to doing the right thing. Do you think their life was easy? I guess some people would say, "What kind of a love story is that?" I see a man who loved his wife and a woman who loved her husband all their days forever. I mean, I don't think it gets better than that. Plus, THEY WORKED TOGETHER, side by side. That is the key my friends. At least that is my perception. 

So, if you have negative thoughts, let them go. If you are unhappy, find something to make you happy. If you are tired, have a rest. If you are content, share your love with someone else. If you are angry, find someone who needs you to show them love. Life is too short to have negative perceptions. 

XOXO- The Sunny D

Abrewin'...........

My wonderful friend.

I'd like to rewind my life a month. Can I do that? There is a new movie coming out that Spanish Sassafras and I have been counting down the days for. It is about a man that can go back in time. If I could go back I would not burn the midnight oil for the last three weeks leaving me physically worn out  with this awful cold that I am almost positive is bronchitis. I would change a lot of things. I worked myself to the bone. It is the trait of a perfectionist, one who does more than physically possible and still feels behind. I want to crawl in a hole for three days...or more. Tonight my kids were at their Dad's. After work I came home and lay in bed for two hours. It felt like five minutes. I then got tired of being in bed so I took myself to a movie. I forgot how nice it is to go to a movie alone sometimes. I figured I could lay in bed or lay in a movie chair what's the difference. Right? 

My little brother Marshall came home from his mission yesterday. It feels like our family is complete again. I was so happy to see him and he is TALL. We are all going to the beach this weekend, and Del Mar...and Disneyland. I am happy to be with my family. I love them so much. 

WHAT the Hay?

Why? Why is this SO TRUE?

I was at UADLL's house the other night, I walked over and she fed me a bean burro. I think it was the best bean burro I had ever had. Probably because I didn't have to make it. She and I were talking, and we decided to "shop" on my LDS Planet online dating account. I hadn't looked at it in months. There were the usual guys. The "Moroni's", "hugabears", "babe4Uforeva", "sweetbballa", "workalldaytillidie", you know there are TYPES of guys. We giggled because there were the same ole' same ole' the guys that look at your profile 15 times. ( by this I mean, look at my profile AND her profile, which means they are looking at EVERYBODY'S PROFILE!!!) I know that because it tells you how many times they check you out. I wonder, what is going through their minds? I'll just check her out 15 times and never say a peep. I have rules about online dating, here are the rules:

1. I never talk to anyone out of state. Did that once, too hard.

2. I never initiate conversation. EVER. I don't search guys out, I see who checks me out and if they have looked two or three times and they "SEEM" normal. (Seem being the key word here because sometimes you meet a guy in real life and you are like...WHOA NELLY.) If they seem normal I will drop a note like. Hey. How's your week? ----No commitment. Not too wordy. Not complimentary. Totally on a second grade level, direct and an easy question to answer. 

*****A note about the second grade level comment. My old trainer told me this piece of advice. He said, "Always talk to a man like he is on a second grade level, be short and direct." 

3.If the picture is weird...not gonna talk to you. You might be a great guy but if the only picture you can find of your self is one with a stuffed bobcat in the background...I AM OUT. 

4. Please use punctuation. I once had someone send this LOONG sentence, like 5 lines long. 

5. If you are lucky and I decide to meet you in person, I will generally meet you for a 1 hour date. In and out. We can each make a quick assessment and decide if their is a "FUTURE." Of a second meeting that is. 

6. ALWAYS meet at a public place.

7. NEVER let him pick you up.

8. I never divulge too much information.

9. I never go out with anyone 5 years older or 2 years younger than me.

I had this note on my profile from a guy who SEEMED normal. I wrote a quick response back. This is the response I RECEIVED.

Hi Dior,

What a gorgeous name! My weeks are always fantastic! i think you are absolutely freaking dreamgirl GORGEOUS!! I am worried that we might be looking for different things though or that I might not be Mormon enough for you...................:(

Right now, I would like you to REFERENCE the above PICTURE. 

I also have some new rules: If you use gorgeous twice, I am going to suggest you get a Thesaurus and I will not ever go out with you. Or if you overly use the exclamation point, you are out. OR say freaking dreamgirl together in a compliment. OUT.

Of course I knew what he meant by this comment of: We are looking for different things. But, if you know me I just HAVE to go the extra mile sometimes, so here is what I said:

What does that mean?( Picture me doe eyed)

I just want to see if this guy responds and if he DOES what is he going to say.

This just cracks me up.

You know a lot of people have met their future spouses on these sites. So I guess they can be good. But. I have had some really weird dates.

1. The guy that showed up wearing a horse shirt. FOR REAL. NOT TO BE FUNNY.

2. The guy who wore a bracelet commemorating a fallen soldier in the Black Hawk Down incident. That HE DIDN'T KNOW.

3. The guy that nearly proposed.

4. The guy that ran 2.35 miles EVERY DAY. So spontaneous, I yawned through that whole date AND I couldn't help it. I feel bad till this day. 

5. The guy that brought me a conference talk. 

6. The guy that stuck his tongue down my throat at the car. Yeah. Freaked me out. 

7. The guy that grabbed my waist and rubbed his hands all around it in 2 split seconds. He was also missing two teeth and I NEVER noticed until I went back and realized in ALL of his pictures his smile was closed mouthed. He was also a MLB player at some point in his life and it was like he felt entitled to grab me. Gross. 

8. The guy that brought his KIDS with him on the date. WEIRD. 

9. The guy who OBVIOUSLY had a picture that was outdated, LIKE TEN YEARS.

10. The GUY who said he liked to be active...was obviously not.

11. The guy who said he was 5'11. UMMMM, he was shorter than me and I am 5'8.

12. ANNNNDDDD.......Let's not forget THE CORN DOG DATE.

I have met some real sweethearts too, and the sweethearts are still good friends. All I can say is, BEWARE, and BE PICKY. 

XOXO-The Sunny D

1 Week

sandwich. And fingers I am pretty sure are not my own.

My first week of school has come and gone. I can't believe it. After an ant and cicada infestation of my classroom and several exhausted afternoons I would say all's well that ends well. I have the kindest class I have ever had. I am not kidding, they are all sweethearts. Even the wiggly one. 

I do a lot of observing at work. There are a lot of different people to watch. I have car line duty in the morning and I would be lying if I didn't say I am a teeny tiny bit envious of the Mom's in workout gear and even some of them still in pajama's. They get to kiss their kids goodbye as they get out of the car to go to school. They have all day, ALL DAY to get things done. On the flip side my job is so personally fulfilling. I have received a pile of letters telling me how wonderful I am from 20 or so lovely little children. They make me posters, and write letters, and draw pictures. One of my students last year bought me a bag of M&M's and came for a little visit during lunch. Little rays of sunshine. I receive so much love, I am so grateful. Plus, I get to plan and execute lessons. I love that. 

This little girl. As you can see here she got herself dressed one morning and yes, that is a long sleeved shirt she has on as pants. She wasn't quite two. I was getting ready for school this morning and in walked Ellie with her pajama's and my Giant Pink BOXING gloves on both hands. I did her hair while she wore the gloves and then told her to go get dressed. When she came downstairs she was wearing leggings, a skirt, a short sleeved shirt and HER GIANT FAKE FUR LINED COAT. I said, I think you might be really hot with that on. Don't you think? No, she replied I am cold. I dropped her off at her Dad's like that.

Not much has changed. 

She insisted on wearing the coat home in the 100+ degree heat. I saw her in the rear view mirror and said aren't you hot? Her cheeks were flushed bright pink. Yes, she nodded. What would you like to do? I asked and then she began to shed that giant coat of hers. We then ran to Wal-Mart as I had to stop by the bank. I told the kids if they were good we could get a movie from Red Box. As I stood at the teller window I heard this crackle, crackle. I looked down to see a thousand miniature Styrofoam balls all over the floor. I asked, Ellie what is that? She said, Styrofoam I found it on the floor. To which I huffed, AND YOU DECIDED TO BREAK IT UP INTO A GAZILLION LITTLE PIECES?  She put her chin to her chest and pouted. 

I was so tired at this point, it had been a long and tiring first week back at school. I was sorting through some emotional baggage throughout the week. I had already worked a full day, gone to a Dr. Appt. for my leg in Chandler, picked up the kids, grabbed dinner and now we were trying to squeeze in some errands. The glamorous life of a single mother. On the way out we stopped to get a movie as the movie came out Ellie somehow got her finger stuck in the tiny slot the movie comes out and began screaming her head off, the movie going back and forth and back and forth. I pulled out her finger grabbed the movie and lectured her on the way out the door while she cried. 

Aydan, sweet little Aydan silently stood by obediently doing whatever I asked. 

The one good thing about Ellie and her "idea's" and the little things she does that usually get her in trouble are she does them because she is so curious and imaginative. I hope I am not squelching that. 

 We got in the car. I slumped into my seat and hot, tired, silent tears streamed down my face. There was nothing left to do. I had held it in all week. I was tired, so I cried and Ellie WAILED and Aydan said, "Mom, I feel like something is really wrong." 

I said, nothings wrong honey. I am just tired. 

I am not really sure who this boy looks like? That is me in 4th grade, isn't that a great perm? This poor guy even has my TEETH. Braces here we come. 

I am glad tomorrow is Saturday. We are going school supply shopping, shoe shopping and a movie and probably lunch. My kids need a Mom who is present and I am looking forward to spending an afternoon with them.

On the upside, the seven pounds I was mad about have vanished along with my varicose vein. silver linings. Tomorrow is going to be the best day ever. I am sure of it. 

Life is hard. That's ok. 

XOXO-The Sunny D