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The Sunny D: September 2018

Sunday, September 30, 2018

Be Bold, Be You


Her heart is soft and squishy but her spirit is made of titanium.


I am writing with a tender heart tonight. I have a lot of thoughts from this last week and I have learned so many lessons. One of my goals this year was to show up. I tend to walk through this life in a comfortably numb state. It is easier that way. No one gets hurt. (No one meaning me.) However, you miss out on a lot being comfortably numb. This week I showed up when my natural instinct was to hide, quietly, so no one would notice....me. I lived big this week and I faced fears, big ones. 

A List....one of my favorite things.....

Never let your kids get a hold of your phone and start swiping for you on your dating app. All of a sudden you will be getting a bunch of 5'6 rando's calling you baby. No. NOPE. 

If the thing you hoped would work out doesn't, it is ok.....it still might. AND if it doesn't something else will.

Show up for the ones you love. SHOW UP. Be present. 

Sometimes a hiatus from social media is like super duper refreshing. 

You just don't know how many days you have live BIG. So do it..do all the things.

There is peace in knowing Christ and becoming his friend. 

Face your fears...you can do it. 

Never. Ever. Trust a man who eats a hamburger in a circle around the edges and if he does google him stat.

Anytime I think of something nice in my head about a person instead of keeping it to myself I say it out loud...like you have beautiful eyes, or I love your dress...make people's eyes sparkle with kindness.

Don't beat yourself up about it...a lesson from the man bagging my groceries at Trader Joes on Saturday. I had realized I had forgotten my bags because you know...the environment....and I said, OH SHOOT I forgot my bags! I actually felt really bad about it and he so nicely said, "Don't beat yourself up about it." And I thought you're right...that can basically apply to my whole life on the daily. 

Always assume people are doing their best.

Love people where they are at. 

Today was the Primary program at church. I had all kinds of anxiousness boiling in my bones about today. Like I had to stand on a stool and what if I fell off, or what if I had a snuggie, or how will everyone behind me feel about my bum in their face, or what if I mess up, or what if it isn't just so...guess what...I ALMOST fell of the bench, my bum WAS in everybodys face..I wore SPANX so tight there was NO way any kind of snuggie was going to happen CRISIS ADVERTED, I totally messed up...royally, and you know what? It was still amazing. I had all the feels and got so choked up that I led and couldn't even sing. I was reminded that I am a child of God and all of these perfect yet totally imperfect, wiggly, gap toothed, smiley children were too and our future is bright because of them. Even with all my major anxieties, insecurities, inadequacies, prayers for a miracle that I could get through this, tears in the temple Saturday night fretting over the program the next morning, feeling this morning like....maybe if I JUST say my alarm didn't go off and I miss it.....maybe no one will notice. Wishing my children were sitting beside me and feeling the strongest most powerful sense of loneliness sitting on that pew by myself. Like, so alone that I cried. But then bolstered that my Mom and Dad were sitting right behind me and so were my niece, nephew, and brother in law. That at the precise moment I felt so alone I felt a hand on my back it was the infant of the family sitting behind me I could tell they felt bad but if they only knew I needed a hand on my back. I made a commitment, my word for this year is show up, and even though my showing up was not perfect, and not polished, it was just right. It was just right because the kids made it perfect and that was the miracle. 

Do fun stuff. Live. Laugh. Connect with friends.

 Go to the Clever Koi restaurant and try their Tuna Chips. I am craving them right now. In downtown Gilbert. YUMMO. 

Life is good. So so good. And Adventure is awaiting me just around the corner. Can't Wait. XOXO- The Sunny D












Tuesday, September 25, 2018

Try, Try Again


It is parent teacher conference week at school. Yesterday, I worked from seven am until five thirty pm. I love parent teacher conferences but that. was. a. long. day. I left with a giant migraine, came home took four Advil and went to bed. 

Luckily, my sister picked up Ellie and then fed us dinner...pumpkin enchiladas which were pretty tasty. I promised myself that I would get up and run this morning after I dropped Aydan at football practice. I came home saw my comfy bed....set my alarm for 45 minutes later and climbed right back in. Running vs. Sleep. Sleep will always win especially at 5:45 AM. 

I ended up running tonight after we got home and boy it was a great one. It felt cooler, the bugs were buzzing, the sun was setting and I just noticed for the first time these amazing sunflowers that are blooming at the farm! I had to get a closer look. So happy. I was also happy I kept my promise to myself to run today. It feels good to keep commitments even to yourself.

General Conference is coming up in two weeks. In order to prepare for this awesome weekend I have been listening to a different talk several times a week. The talk I listened to today I have listened to many times it is called, Until Seventy Times Seven  by Elder Lynn G. Robbins. In fact, I listened to it three times because I was so interested in the topic. Yesterday, in one of my conferences I learned that one of my students is very hard on herself if she makes a mistake. I also learned that a parent felt that maybe she had been too hard on her child. It is a tricky balance being a parent and a teacher. After listening to this talk and armed with the information I had learned the day before I had a great conversation with my class. Each morning I give them a sentence to copy. It is usually filled with mistakes that they then edit with a red pen. Today's sentence was Ms. Tidwell says, "Mistakes are the stepping stones to success." We used context clues to figure out what success means and also what stepping stones to success means...I told my class a story of when I was a child and we would go camping with all my cousins. Each day we would walk to the creek and see who could cross it using the "stepping stones" I drew a basic picture to show them and soon they understood. I told them that when I was learning to play the violin I made millions of mistakes. Eventually though, I could play the violin very well with practice and the key was to not get discouraged if I made an error but to keep trying. I was trying to teach my class (and this idea I took straight from the talk), "to consider failure as a tutor, not as a tragedy, and not to fear failure but to learn from it. To look at each failure as a stepping stone to the next one. Eventually...you will cross that creek. 

We (I)...can be SO hard on ourselves. Even precious seven year olds can be SO hard on themselves. If we can just tweak our thinking a bit it would help us to see the real point is to learn one step at a time without getting discouraged. 

The talk also focused on second chances and I am really glad for those, because boy I make loads of mistakes on the daily. Elder Lynn G. Robbins talked about how the Lord is long suffering. He said, how long is he long suffering...forever and always for us. Have you ever thought about that and then I thought gosh....I guess all my questions and sufferings compared to his are like NOTHING. They don't FEEL like nothing though. You know? Luckily, there is grace that helps us along. 

Anyway...it is a great talk. If you would like to listen to it you can find it here https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2018/04/until-seventy-times-seven?lang=eng

Try, try again XOXO- The Sunny D



Saturday, September 22, 2018

Trails


My friend Laura invited me to go on a trial run this morning. She said it was on Hawes...so in my mind I am thinking Hawes road. I have run Hawes road, the "trail" is flat. She said it is on Power Road...This is my mental processing that it is actually HAWES TRAIL which is by Las Sendas and we were to meet there at 6am....on Saturday. 

1st photo: I have to wake up at.......5:30 latest
2nd Photo: The run is around Las Sendas?!?! That has a lot of hills.
3rd Photo:..............

In actuality, the run was amazing and I was so glad I went. It is the best way to start a Saturday. 




I count myself lucky to have such a wonderful friend. Laura is motivated to MOVE and improve herself and honestly, it motivates me too! It helps that she shows up at my house and is like get your buns out of bed! 

It was a productive day. We cleaned up the side yard and planted some seeds. I made dinner and Ellie helped make blueberry muffins. We got groceries and planned this weeks meals. The laundry is on going and has been going all day. I got the kids passport photos taken and even took a nap. It has been an amazing Saturday. My kids have been awesome hard workers and now we are just enjoying being home. My favorite place to be with my favorite kids. 

Happy Trails..or trials...because running trails is a trial in sacrifice at 5:30 am XOXO-The Sunny D


Tuesday, September 18, 2018

The Tile is Cold


I went running today at 4:31.

I felt like I was standing on the surface of the sun. It is only 103 degrees I told myself. I have this rule that if it is over 100, I don't run outside. What's three degrees? Let me tell you.

Feelings from cross country came back to me today as I ran. It was normal for us to have practice starting at 3:30 in the afternoon. I am not quite sure how I was able to stand the heat everyday back then.  The gift of youth I guess. As I settled into my run I remembered that heat has a smell and a taste and no it wasn't wafting from my armpits. Instead, it is like the taste of melting concrete. It is dusty and minerally. It smells that way too. Maybe it is the heat of the asphalt.....melting. Maybe this is what Hell smells like.

It was brutal and as I ran I had to set small goals..run to the weed, to the tree, the crack in the concrete...and so on.  Sometimes, life is kind of like that small chunks...line upon line, precept upon precept. I also had a reminder that I was loved. I LOVE seeing reminders that I am loved. A big fat XO.

Do you see it? X....O....

Isn't that amazing? Love is everywhere. 

XOXO-The Sunny D

Sunday, September 9, 2018

143


She watched the Mr. Rogers documentary today and if you have seen it you know what 143 stands for. She loved Mr. Rogers as a child. 

She sees both sides of the coin. She sees her good deeds and her not so good deeds. She knows herself and her strengths and weaknesses. She is grateful for the last eight months of the year because they have taught her to love and to live. 

She is so grateful for that. She is grateful for the butterflies in her stomach, every. single. time. 

She is grateful that she could love again and trust again. She wasn't sure she could. There is still some work to be done here and she will, she doesn't want the past to color her future. She is grateful that she stopped sleepwalking as she has been doing for years and years. Her heart woke up and loved and broke a little again. 

Maybe she is too solid in her convictions and her beliefs but it is who she is. It is the life she chooses to live because this path has brought to her family the most happiness. She is true blue through and through. She always will be. She lacks faith in love for love has hurt her but she can see for the very first time the possibility of it. It is possible and it will happen. She is grateful to learn that. 

She is grateful for prayer and the guidance she receives through it and studying the scriptures. 

She is grateful for tacos and talks. She is grateful for Schitt's Creek and holding hands. She loves holding hands. She loved home cooked meals and dancing in the kitchen. She is grateful for the gentleness and kindness. 

She is upset with many things too and those are hers to hold and let go when it is time. 

Mostly, she just feels gratitude. She will never see a sonoran hot dog the same way, or a dog, or a scion. She has loved and been loved in return and that is a gift. The gift of living. The gift of love. 


As Mr. Rogers says, Often when you think you're at the end of something, you're at the beginning of something else. 

The beginning of what she doesn't know. 

She hopes, she is grateful, and she believes in the good things to come, in possibilities....something she hasn't allowed herself to see before now. 

XOXO- The Sunny D 


Saturday, September 1, 2018

Forty One

What has forty one years on this beautiful planet taught me? 

I turned forty one this week. It was a beautiful day. I was grateful I had the opportunity that I had one more day to live surrounded by those I loved. 

So what has forty years taught me? 

Lesson One: Running


I think one of the reasons I love running so much is it is literally a metaphor for my life. Today for instance, I got up to run four miles. It was going to be my first four mile run since beginning training last month. I have slowly built my mileage up from two miles which I couldn't even finish at first to now running three miles pretty easily. Today it was hot, I got a late start and blew through my water too fast. I walked more of my run than I wanted to and I paid the price for the heat later. In running and life you have to:
  • Be Consistent
  • Put in the time and miles each week
  • Be fair to yourself, it is your pace, trust your body and its timing
  • Cheer on other runners around you, I am so that girl that will give you a high five as we run past each other or some positive words. 
  • Sometimes you have to modify and adjust your pace/form/due to injury or weather
  • You can do hard and scary things...you are brave.
Today I was frustrated I got a late start. Sometimes in life we do get a late start, but are you going to keep your commitment to yourself or just throw in the towel? In life there are things that we can't control...like the heat today but I can control if I keep going or give up. My pace slowed but I don't think it matters how long it takes to get to the end goal as long as you do it! So many lessons I will not bore you with but running stretches me mentally, physically, and emotionally. It is a wise teacher.


My Amazing Second Grade team and I competed in a Spartan this year.




Lesson Two: Love Hard

What does love cost? Nothing. It is absolutely free. One lesson I have learned this year is the more love you give the more you receive. It is a scary thing for me to put my heart on the line. I don't like it, being vulnerable is extremely difficult for me. But, there is love everywhere....... as you can see in some of the pictures I have found and taken over the last month. I am trusting in the power of love.




Lesson Three: I am not always right AND I don't like it very much when you tell me so. 

You know the song Mother Knows Best from Tangled...I think it should say Dior Knows Best. Haha. This week I have been challenged and given feedback by several people I love. It hasn't been pretty. Often, I take others observations about my behavior as a personal attack. I often feel very hurt. It is very common for me to realize later that there is truth in the observations. My go to reaction is get hurt and then shut down emotionally and hide. That is my self defeating behavior, I own it. I KNOW I do it and I KNOW there has to be a better way. 

A REAL honest to goodness question to all my friends here...HOW do YOU handle constructive criticism from others? I just shut down many times it's literally like someone unplugs me and I power down. How can I improve my ability to be vulnerable and have those tough conversations? How do you stay present? How do you allow your heart to be vulnerable but also protected? I would love to hear your ideas in the comments or private message me. THIS is really something I intend to improve on. 

Who doesn't just love Brene Brown? I have read all of her books and this quote helps me to rub the dust off and get back up again. I love it. 


With that being said if you are a fan of Byron Katie....you will know that often times our observations/judgements we see in others are just the judgements we have about ourselves. I truly believe there is truth to that and if you haven't seen Byron Katies book Loving What Is, You should go out and get it and apply its powerful process. I mean if you want to...it has helped me. 

Lesson Four: Go on Adventures

My suitcase BIT the Dust. This thing has been ALL over the world and when the handle pulled right out I was sad. I mean who remembers when sequins, zebra print, and hot pink ruffles were all the rage...yeah, it has been awhile. I loved this suitcase because it was so easy to spot coming off the carousel. Adventure is the spice of life and I love it. I love going on adventures and planning adventures. I hope to have many more in the future. 

Lesson Five: Blood is thicker than water

I love my family. I know they will always have my back no matter what and that I am loved NO MATTER WHAT. I love my children NO MATTER WHAT. That is such a gift. I am reminded of it daily surrounded by my own immediate family but as I visited and talked with my cousin Meghan last Sunday I just felt so much love for her. I just love her! That goes for all of my family members far and wide. I love you. I am grateful for you for your love and encouragement and the bond that we share. You are my tribe. 
Ok not the best picture but our Mom has instilled in us the gift of adventure. Of travel and loving other cultures, of not judging them but wrapping our arms around them and soaking them up and enjoying the beautiful things that other people have to offer. This is my IMMEDIATE girl tribe on an adventure to NYC.

No one can replace a sister! Love my sister Morgan. 
My Babes. 


Lesson Six: Find Your Tribe

I have been so blessed to have friends who are my literal GOLDEN GIRLS. I mean I think if we could all live in a cul-de-sac we would. We would be those people. Some are near and some are far but we are ALL Gilbert Golden Girls. 
Jack Johnson with Emilynn, Brit, and Courtney

Laura....she is the best. 

Maelynn, Courtney, Tessie, ME, Emilynn

Misty....I miss you!

and this one. 
She could be a sister. She took me to the spa for my birthday and we decided to go lay out afterwards...well they had this quiet room in the spa. Where Heather and I went and laid down for a minute after the massage. TWO AND A HALF HOURS LATER we both woke up! There went our pool time. But she gets me and loves me and I love her. I love you Heather.



Here's the truth. I am living on a song and a prayer. I trust God. I am planning adventures..there is one in the works. YIPEE. I don't have it all figured out but I have good friends and a solid family. Most days I am flying by the seat of my pants but I am grateful for one more year. One more year. I am sitting in the drivers seat and excited for what this next year brings. 

XOXO- The Sunny D