Mormon, Marriage, Divorce, Mid-Single, Motherhood.....She Has Some Cracks

Cracks. 

There are so many things to celebrate. 

For instance, I only have 21 kids in my class this year and that makes me want to skip and sing at the same time. Maybe I can really make an impact. Plus, I already love them all. They are so cute. 

And. I took tomorrow morning off so I could take my kids to school. I can't tell you how happy this makes me. It is like sunshine is streaming out of my heart. They are starting really late due to new construction. I struggle with feeling like an inadequate Mom sometimes because I have to work full time. I am tired a lot when I get home or after I have run them around from thing to thing and fretting over what to make for dinner. But tomorrow morning I get to wake up and I am going to make pancakes with cinnamon peaches to top them with and be a REAL MOM. I painted Ellie's nails tonight. We got their lunches ready, all of the papers read and signed, all of the supplies purchased. Maybe taking them to school on their first day means more to me than it does to them. I don't know. All of a sudden I look at Aydan and he is so big, Ellie too. I love them so much and I am happy I can do this tomorrow. 

I have such good friends. I can rely on and laugh with. If you could only see our text threads I know you would laugh too. The weird pictures we see on Tinder that we send each other. We crack up. How the LDS mid singles scene is such a strange place to be. Spanish Sassafras brought her friend Manuel with her to the fireside last week. He is from Spain. He could not BELIEVE how weird it was. 

Here's a tinder picture for you. "I'm Keith, wet with a shirt on coming out of the water." HUH? I have a little piece of advice for all the ladies out there. NEVER. NEVER. DATE a man with a necklace. It is a personal rule that serves me well. 

There are cracks too though. 

Like I have a head cold that is so bad I feel like a bus has hit me in the head. 

And my birthday is coming up. This brings all sorts of emotions most of them the crying sort. Well and the really excited about all my free birthday meals sort too. So I am sort of pretending like it's not even happening. It is just a regular day, because then I won't be so disappointed at the reality of my life. Don't get me wrong. It's a good life........its just getting older alone is really lame. Which brings me to...

I was talking to my Dad about a woman he knew who had been married several times and just has had a really hard time. I have no desire to do that. When I do get married again I want that to be it. One more time. I talked to my Dad about this...... there are hard things about not being married. There are financial hardships and then there is the fact that you can't have sex. Which is REALLY, REALLY hard. Especially when you know what it is like to be in a marriage and have that sacred connection. A lot of women hope that there will be someone to swoop in and take care of their life for them. To be a prince charming.

 I told my Dad, "I am my own Prince Charming." 

I do not want or need a man to save me from my life. He said, "You're right." You have to be OK with you before you can move on with someone else. You can't expect someone else to do that for you. It would never work. I am looking for a man who respects me, loves me, treats me like his best friend even when he is annoyed with me. I am looking for someone who will work with me elbows deep in life together. Figuring it out, where its safe to not be perfect and make mistakes but support and cheer each other on. Fiercely guarding our family together and who understands that sometimes I need a little space. Sometimes I am really misunderstood when I say that but here's the thing. He will GET IT.  Where is THAT guy? Where are THOSE guys? If you know where they're hiding I have about ten girlfriends who are amazing, beautiful, have testimonies, are put together, smart and FUN. I have faith in marriage. I do. I hope it will happen again for me because I like marriage. I love being a wife and that role in a family unit. It's just that it's been almost five years of me being alone and sometimes that hope and faith I have wavers a little. Sometimes I just feel tired about it. Sometimes I just wish I had that support. Those are the cracks. 

XOXO- The Sunny D

What a Teacher Won't Tell You About the First Day of School

 

Meet the Teacher Night...pulled off by the skin of our teeth. The awesome 4th grade team. 

She won't tell you sometimes she wonders why she does this job. 

That sometimes it isn't enough to pay the bills. 

That she is now scraping by because of the $500 dollars or more it took to just get her classroom started for the beginning of the year.

That all of the supplies except copy paper and the donations parents bring in are provided by her. 

That she worked 12 hour days for a week to get that classroom presentable for her new students this year, abandoning her diet, life, exercise routine and gained a pound because of it all. 

That she couldn't sleep because of the anxiety and giddiness that welled up in her all at once for the new school year.

That she spent hours on Pinterest and Teachers Pay Teachers to find great ideas for the classroom and lessons. 

That she has all of these ideas and not enough time to do them all.

That she was just as nervous about the first day of school this morning as she was when she moved schools in 2nd grade. 

That she put her head in her hands and cried tears of desperation Wednesday night after trying to corral her children into helping her all day and realizing she couldn't do it all. That the Lord heard her desperate call for help and help came. In the form of dinner, and friends arriving in the nick of time Thursday before meet the teacher. Her testimony was strengthened that HE hears her prayers. 

That she moved every desk and chair and item of furniture into that classroom with the help of friends and colleagues. 

That she got a pedicure, her hair done and whitened her teeth to be ready for school.

That she prays for her students and their parents EVERY night. 

That she wants to be loved by her students and their families. It is important to her because she loves them so much. 

She won't tell you that she woke up at five to shave her legs, and work on school things at home before her own children awoke and needed her. 

She even tried on four outfits and three pairs of shoes. 

She couldn't decide on what color of lipstick. Natural or hot pink? Natural...shouldn't scare the kids too soon. 

She ate oatmeal.

She got a Diet Coke.

She worried that Einstein, the beta fish she bought might be sick already. Plus, she told her class that he was magic and that they could tell him all of their problems or worries...now what if he died. That is not a great magical fish. Hmph.

She was so happy to see all of her friends and colleagues, she hopes they all see her as a friend. She already loves them all so. They all know what it is like to be in her shoes. 

She loves her bosses. She couldn't work anywhere else. They are AMAZING. 

She greeted every student happily and with love even when they arrived at the same time she did...EARLY and she needed to get some things done. 

She beamed as each of her old students ran up to her and hugged her at least twice today from last year. Her heart swelled for these amazing children. Her heart also ached a little because she missed them and wondered if she would love her new little class as much as she did last year. She will, she always does.

She laughed with her coworkers about afternoon duty in the horrid heat and getting all schweaty and stinky. 

She decided that tomorrow was a shorts day for sure. 

She giggled as a co-worker summed up the exhaustion that was felt by all quoting a second grader. He was all alone, forlorn looking, at parent pick-up. She asked him, "What grade are you in?" He replied, "I can't remember." She said, "Do you have any older brothers and sisters?" He said exhaustedly, "I have a Mom." (Heart Melter) 

She won't tell you that she rushed to pick up her kids. They had been generously and lovingly taken care of by a friend all day because their school had not started yet and their Dad was out of town.  

All she could think of was a Diet Coke and all the things she needed to do still. 

That she went to the gym totally exhausted and was reprimanded by her trainer and told she needed to be on a daily text check in. She had gained weight instead of lost it. She was still thinking about that Diet Coke. 

She was sad to hear Robin Williams passed away. 

She was also keenly aware of the man she had been on that awkward breakfast date. Also training at the same time WITH her trainer. What are the odds? You know....she blogged about it. She was tired and pretended that she didn't see him. He did the same. Good. It's mutual. 

She finally got that soda fountain Diet Coke. She earned it.

If it wasn't hard, It wouldn't be worth it. She is helping to build the future and she loves what she does. 

XOXO-The Sunny D

Swim Team for 36 Year Olds

I had this awesome idea.

Like I usually do.

To train for a Sprint Triathlon in October.

You heard me. That means swimming, running, and biking.

So what did I do? I talked Spanish Sassafrass into doing this race with me. She has friends visiting from Spain. Her motherland. Luckily for us, Angie is a swim genius. She swims at LEAST 100 laps a week. So we dragged her into it too and now she's our trainer. This Saturday was our first "practice."

Here's the thing, I grew up here in the glorious heat of Arizona. The only place where you walk outside and feel like your being blasted by a blow dryer, if your lucky enough for a little breeze. Otherwise...its just hotter than hell. I said it. It's true. So, what did my smart Mother do every summer? She enrolled us kids in swim team. I did the same thing with my kids this year. So I will venture to say I was slightly smug when it came to the swimming part of the race. I was in swim team in second grade, surely it is just like riding a bicycle. The swim part will be a piece of cake. After all it's only 16 laps.

We arrived at the gym. I was sort of stressed because my car wasn't starting very well and I thought I had just bought a new battery. So I was sure it was my starter. GREAT.

We headed to the pool. Here I was a giant next to these two adorable, petite, spanish women. In my hot pink swim suit glory. I didn't care if anyone saw me. Who would be at the pool at 8am Saturday morning? It turned out a WHOLE lotta people, children to be precise. The gym swim team had taken over the pool. There was one lane for the the three of us to share. The girls had swim caps, and were set in their adorable swim suits. I had no cap and a swim suit that was quite inferior for the task at hand I soon learned. I dove into the water and my suit was soon around my waist. Oops...hopefully no one saw as I hurriedly hoisted it back up into place. I thought...watch and learn kids...WATCH and LEARN.

Angie showed us how to move our arms the correct way through the water. We practiced and then began our laps. We tried two laps back and forth and she corrected our breathing and arm movement. Then it was decided that we would swim four laps in a row and rest. For a total of four sets of four.

I want you to picture a suburban trying to make its way through the ocean. That's how I felt. I was so confident that this would be easy but on the third lap back I was GASPING for air. Literally. I swallowed water and fear sort of rushed through me. THIS WAS HARD. I was tired already and had a lot of laps to go. We laughed our way through the practice, the children next to us gliding effortlessly through the water. Angie was like a swan-fish in the water. She swam so gracefully and I decided I would do my best to get to that point too. Even if it took me months.

We swam about eight more corrective laps with a board. We practiced only arms and then only legs. Angie said, make your leg like a whip..and it all made sense. With the help of the kick board I started to feel what a real kick was supposed to feel like.

We swam another two laps trying to feel the correct movements. It was hit and miss but I really started to feel like it was coming together.

Practice was over and we figured out a schedule. Angie said, "I am going to make a work out plan for you two." Spanish Sassafrass and I laughed. It was hard work but I am looking forward to my next dip in the pool.

Now....to get a bike.

XOXO- I am strong. The Sunny D

Bangkok 2014

My nose told me I was in Thailand. The first thing I noticed was the delicious smell of curry as I stepped off the plane and made my way into the airport. I breathed it in deeply and knew that Bangkok would be a place never to forget.

I was traveling with my Mom and our friends the Garner's who lived in Singapore had arranged for us to have a driver. Bangkok was labeled DANGEROUS they were in the middle of a coup. Now, I don't know if we were dumb or just too hard headed and cheap. We had planned to go to Thailand and that is what we were going to do. Who cares about a coup.

The first place we stopped was the Chatuchak weekend market. It was a huge market that I can only compare to a swap meet. There are so many things to see at the market and every "street" sold different types of goods. 

At the Market. No-Make up...a trend in Asia. 

My Mom she looks tired, hungry, and HOT. What a good sport, she says I walked her legs off. However, she did find a SUPER cute wallet at this market. Oh and we shared some of that coconut ice cream it was yum. 

Bangkok Sunset. Amazing. 

On our second day in Bangkok we went to the floating market. You sit in boats and drive around this canal to buy goods. It was very interesting. I bought some Saffron. 

Our next stop was actually KFC because all I had eaten in about three days was some steamed green spinachy stuff and a few rice noodles. My Mom and I shared three chicken fingers. She bought some soup at the floating market because she was starving. It had these gluttonous round slimy balls in them. They were called shrimp balls. Hmmmm. This is that the palace in Bangkok. It is not like anything I had ever seen before. I love this picture with the umbrella to the right. 

There isn't one detail missed. Everything is ornate, there is gold everywhere. 

In the middle of this palace of gold and mosaics which are very beautiful I spy this flower. A Lotus flower. It solidifies my feelings that man can sure make some beautiful things. I mean seriously look at this palace in the background. It pales to the beauty of the earth and all of God's creations. 

I love doorways and halls. 

I spy a gardener in the background. 

This is a statue of a dog and you can roll that ball in its mouth back and forth. 

It was right here that I was marveling at the way they were cutting these trees. I kept thinking wouldn't it be SO much easier to use a cherry picker or something than that bamboo ladder?? I mean I was mesmerized. When a woman came up and she was a reporter for the associated press. She asked if we spoke English and then started asking us about the coup. We were then quoted in about 15 articles and news reports all over the globe. Here is the article: From Beaches to Bangkok, tourists ask What coup?

Monks walking in a row

On our way to Wat Pho

Wat Pho or what is known as the reclining Buddha

The bottom of the feet are inlaid with mother of pearl and they are huge. You can see the woman at the left corner. 

I kept hearing these bells tinkling. It was money that people dropped in each of these pots the whooooole way down behind Wat Pho

The back of Wat Pho's head...looks like yoga blocks. 

Hello Elvis

A woman was selling cages of birds to be set free at the four headed Buddha

Finches

The Four Headed Buddha all of the flowers are offerings

There were people praying in front of the singers who were just behind the four headed Buddha. The costumes were amazing..the singing......well......If you have nothing nice to say....

These are golden elephants you can buy for???? Your house? (Didn't you ALWAYS need one of those?)  and the money goes to support some of this groups causes

Treats for the four headed Buddha

One of my favorite things in Bangkok. I was so hungry and then I spied a Mrs. Fields. I think they were the first carbs I had eaten in five days. 

They had these delicious drinks in Asia. This is a fresh coconut smoothie. Oh my goodness. Delicious. 

Dresses made of tissue and newspaper

Those. are. The drink sizes. Very Cool and Super Cool. I ask, "Where is the Big Gulp?"

We were able to stop at a Jim Thompson silk shop in the mall. Oh what beautiful things! I bought a pillow case cover. 

Snacks! That I didn't try. 

Our hotel in Bangkok was amazing. We flopped onto the bed each night exhausted from a full day of sight seeing. The culture was so different and so amazing. I loved how everything was so new to me. I love that I was able to have this experience with my Mom. 

To Wander Wonder XOXO- The Sunny D