Releasing the Inner She Ra

I went to this girls Birthday Party tonight

This morning I am especially grateful for a clear mind and an open heart. I am sitting here thinking about my day, all the things I should be doing. Like, cleaning and decorating for Christmas. However, for a few minutes I just want to sit and be grateful. So often in my life I feel like I am unsure of the path I am walking. I have momentary feelings of hopelessness. Then I realize the wonderful truth that I do NOT have to be in control. I have a loving Heavenly Father who is ALWAYS there for me. When I feel terrible, I remember that ALL IS WELL. If I look at my life objectively, all IS well. 

I see that the true beauty of life lies in who you help and the service you freely give. I have a few opportunities to do that today and I am so grateful. I am grateful for the trials I have gone through because they have brought me right here to this place. I am having lunch with a friend who is recently divorced. I feel blessed that I can help her and give her hope for her future. Her future really is in her hands. If she allows Heavenly Father in to guide her he can turn her life into something truly remarkable. It may not be remarkable in the terms of the world, but it will be remarkable to those that really matter. Do you know how EMPOWERING that is? That through the choices you make, you can be happy? 

That is such wonderful knowledge to me! The other night I was thinking on my life at the moment. I was making goals, and figuratively cleaning house. I was so grateful because after a little fine tuning, I could clearly see me for who I really am. As a woman, sometimes I can be a little more critical about myself than I really should be. I had one of those moments where I was able to see myself clearly almost as Heavenly Father sees me. I could hardly believe the woman she was. I made a promise to remember that woman anytime I felt sorry for myself, any time I felt scared or alone. That inside me was a woman that was stronger in spirit and braver than THOR! And, very feminine. I had momentary glimpse of my Divine Nature. (If you do not know what divine nature is, here is a quick link to explain)I thought, "That woman could conquer the world!" In some ways....she has. Every single one of us women has an inner She-Ra. 

I still didn't know exactly where my life was going, but I did have a clear perception of who I was. I then read this scripture in Mormon 1:7-8.  ...I do not know all things; but the Lord knoweth all things which are to come; wherefore, he worketh in me according to his will. 

To me this means..I don't always know everything. I don't know the details of the next three months or three years of my life. However, if I am true to my divine nature and stay close to the spirit to allow God to direct me everything is going to be just fine, better than fine. Amazing. 

XOXO-The Sunny D

Say Something.................

Eros..Greek God of Love. Notice the dagger in his side. Park of the Americas, Sevilla, Spain. 

This sculpture took my breath away when I first saw it. I love it, I love the emotion I FEEL when I see it. I love the turban on Eros' head. I love the wings folded in surrender. Reaching and wounded. This is Eros the Greek God of love. Love is such a conflicted thing for me, I want to love. I hope to love, yet the fear is I will end up just like this if I really DO love. At least, sometimes it is hard not to feel like that. Especially with the experiences I have had. Yet, I KNOW. I KNOW that there will be love for me again. 

Sometimes people come into your life and you know why they are there. They impact you in certain ways, change your outlook and perspective on things. Then some people come into your life and leave you confounded. Maybe you understand this and maybe you don't. It has been such an interesting little stroll through my 30's with children, a divorce, and dating. 

Music is one of the great communicators. It seems there is always a song that can say the things that are in my heart so much better than I can. At least when it comes to feelings, I am not the best with talking about feelings. Feelings make me feel tired, having to talk about feelings makes me feel just like Eros here. I heard a song on the radio maybe a month ago. I didn't know WHO it was by. It instantaneously grabbed me by the neck collar and demanded me to listen. I did. I was transfixed. I cried it was so beautiful AND said everything that my heart has been trying to say for a little while now. It was one of those AHA moments. It is about letting go. You can listen to it here:

Say Something, I'm Giving Up On You

Sometimes you have to give up things you love for something better. Something better FOR YOU. This is what I am going to work on for a little while. I am under construction so to speak. I have some goals and some things I am going to do to become better, stronger and happier. None of these things are going to be easy for me, for it means taking a good, hard, long, look at facts. It means a lot of things. Most of all it means, in the end I will be  a better person. I will be a stronger person. 

Say something, I'm giving up on you. Anywhere, I would have followed you. XOXO-The Sunny D

What Your Child's Teacher Really Wants For Christmas

This is definitely NOT what you should buy your child's teacher for Christmas. 

Ok. Before I begin please, please, DO NOT be offended here. I am going to speak the TRUTH. I have been a teacher for 15 years. I know good teacher gifts from bad teacher gifts. I have received the gamut of them over the years. 

My classroom. The kids doing a measurement math lesson. DO you see how much fun they are having? THIS is REAL learning. Yarn for activity $3.00

A little dose of reality, and a small plug for teachers...

First of all, I just want you to know we work HARD. We spend countless hours and a lot of our own money to make our classrooms great. We work with your children every day, EVERY DAY. Patiently. A lot of us go home to our own families and children at night. I would like you to picture that for a minute. Teaching school and then going home to children after being with 30 of them all day. Your energy is sucked dry, you are tired. Because...... you are a good teacher and you give those kids everything you have all day long. 

I have heard parents say things like, "Teachers work for ME, I pay taxes." No, actually we don't. We want to work WITH you to help your child become a successful adult because that is every teachers goal. This is also the reason why most people like myself ARE teachers, we believe in the future. We invest in those kids every day because they ARE the future and WE believe in them. We are not objects for you to treat poorly, to make rude remarks about. That is hurtful, if you only knew how much we LOVE your child and how incredibly difficult our job is you would never say mean things like that...OR be critical. 

 In fact, for instance you know those ugly Christmas ornaments you receive as a gift each year hand made by your child in class? You know, glitter, yarn, picture of your kid? I just bought the supplies for my class to make those ornaments for YOU for Christmas and did you know that it cost me over $100.00 of my own money? 

Please don't input your opinion here of: "Well, you DIDN'T HAVE to spend money for ornaments." 

Yes. I did. Do you know why? 

Because it is important for children to learn how good it feels to give, and especially to give of themselves on something THEY worked hard to make. 

Oh, and that doesn't even include the $65.00 I spent so I could give each of your children a little gift from me. You should also know, I am not doing this so you will compensate me at Christmas with a nice gift. No. I do this out of LOVE for you and your child.

I took last Thursday off so I could chaperon Ellie's field trip. As I sat on the bus with her, other Mom's were loading on to the bus. I heard several explain how "Exhausted" they were after being on the field trip. In my head I thought, THIS IS A VACATION! I have so much energy I am going to go home and clean my house! 

Now hold up. I totally get you, I have also been a stay at home Mom..IT IS HARD WORK TOO! 

AND that my friends is the POINT. 

We are all working SO hard! What do you like when you work hard or do a job well done? Appreciation. A little appreciation goes A LONG way. 

I have received so many lotions, perfumes, chocolates, candles, hand made goodies, crafts, mugs, apple decorations, Pinterest teacher gift idea's, magnets, crayons glued into a frame with my initial, I have even received THREE really ugly purses over the years, ornaments...etc. Do you know what I do with all of those gifts? I wrap them up and have a white elephant gift exchange with my family. Seriously. I know this sounds awful, and I really do appreciate the thought its just....what would you do with a boat load of candles and weird smelling lotions, 15 ugly mugs with a hot chocolate packet, and teacher ornaments for your tree at home? 

All Time WORST Teacher gifts:

• A cork conglomeration ornament made by the student. #1 I don't drink wine, and it sort of grosses me out to have YOUR old wine corks melded into some ballish reindeerish ornament. 
• Magnets. My fridge is not magnetic. 
• Ornaments. Please, no ornaments. I know I am a #1 teacher, I work really hard to be one. 
• Teacher crafts you made. No thank you.
• Anything ceramic from the dollar store. 
• lotions, they make my skin itch...I can only use Cetaphil.
• Soaps...I can only use Dove
• Perfumes...I am picky about my scents
• Chocolates...I am always..ALWAYS on a diet. (Unless they are See's of course)
• MUGS/CUPS...no more, please. I HATE THOSE. ( Picture this..a little word problem for you. If a teacher gets and average of 10 cups or mugs a year, How many mugs will this teacher have in 5 years? 10years? 15 years?
• Jewelry

The WORST EVER Teacher gifts I have seen are these:

I did not receive them but have to giggle every time I think of this handful of special gifts. A teacher that worked next door to me DONATED a gift to my family white elephant gift exchange. I WISH I had a picture of it. In fact one of my cousins STILL has it to keep in white elephant rotation. It was a snowman made out of a sock. It was missing an eye and had these weird wiry arms. The kicker IS it was an OLD, GREY/BLACK, SMELLY, DIRTY USED SOCK. I am not kidding. Here you go, Thank you SO MUCH for being my teacher........here's an old dirty sock. 

The other was a red ceramic heart with a hand coming out of the top, and the hand had long nails. We weren't sure what it was supposed to do? Was it a trophy?

Let me let you in on a little secret...don't spend 20 hours making a craft. The $5.00 you spent to buy the stuff would have been perfect. In the form of a Target gift card...so I could...buy supplies for my classroom. I am not kidding. Save yourself gobs of hours. 

Let me make a little note here....I have the sweetest kids in my class AND parents. I have one Mom who knows I am weight conscious and she sends in a HEALTHY and delicious 100 calorie muffin whenever she makes them ( AND they are still WARM!!! YUM-O). She also makes the BEST cookies. Those things ARE appreciated. Homemade goodies from someone who knows how to cook...totally appreciated. However, if your just breaking the pans out once a year to bake and send in a rock hard brownie??? If you wouldn't eat it..why would your child's teacher? That says to me, here is a rock hard brownie...I hope it kills you on the way down the hatch..or at least gives you a gallbladder attack. 

Here are a few STELLAR GIFTS:

Low on cash this year?

• How about a nice, sincere, note of thanks...from you and your child?
• I have a friend who didn't have any money...but she did have food stamps. She made a delicious freezer meal the teacher could take home and use for a busy night!! WHAT A GRAND IDEA! Who wouldn't love one night of cooking off? 
• Baked goods are delicious, IF you can bake well..especially homemade wheat bread..yum...
• If you are going to buy chocolates..make it good chocolate..PLEASE. Ghirardelli or See's
• Set up a time to volunteer in the class

Instead of a mug, magnet, ornament, oven mitt, a $20 ugly purse...here are a few more idea's that made me REALLY feel special and appreciated. 

• I ALWAYS get my own children's teachers a pedicure gift card. 
• OK gift cards in general are amazing..truly that is the BEST gift. Some of my favorites have been to the grocery store, craft store, McDonald's..YES..that is 5 Diet Coke's BABY, pedicure, movie tickets, Harkins Popcorn T-shirt and movie cup, Cold Stone, Frost, Staples/Office Supply Store, Teacher Store, a favorite restaurant, a Visa gift card...so many choices! 
• I received a really beautiful neutral lip gloss by Christian Dior. Dior is my first name and the lip gloss was buttery and just lovely....and something I would NEVER buy myself. Cute and thoughtful.
• A book that correlates to one of our subjects that year...like Arizona, Electricity...etc.
• Classroom Supplies
• I love fresh flowers...always a winner. Plus, since I am single really the only time I get them is when I buy them myself..and I love them.

My point being here is just send a little love and appreciation to your teacher! Talk nicely about him/her in front of your children. Please, teach them it is important to respect us EVEN if we are not PERFECT. I bet you aren't either ;) and we are ALL doing our best! Please know, that we REALLY, TRULY love each and every student and their parents. We want a happy learning partnership with all three of us: teacher, parent, student. 

I hope this takes some pressure off. I have friends ask me every year what I think a good teacher gift would be. I hope this helps. 

-I am grateful for my children's lovely teachers! Seriously, they are the best. If I could fly them to Maui for a week I totally would. I hope at least they will enjoy the fake tropical surroundings of "My Nails" salon and the sound of warm water filling the foot tub. XOXO The Sunny D

Anthropologie and the Ugliest Car

My Ellie at my Preschool Thanksgiving feast 2009. Look at that happy girl, in her pillow case Native American costume.  With the giant scratch on her head. 

There are a few things on my mind tonight. In this picture I was at my most favorite store in the world. That's right, Wal-Mart. I was also RANDOMLY parked right next to one of my best friends, Unasian Daddy Long Legs. It was quite the coincidence. I would be amiss if I did not count my blessings one by one. The thing is...I truly have so many. So many. One of my blessings is my 2003 Honda pictured here. Actually, it isn't even my car. It is my Dad's car he has loaned me so I don't have a car payment for as long as I need it. Which, pretty much probably means indefinitely. Oh sure, I could go out any time and buy a car. It isn't that hard to do. If I did though I would be sacrificing things I truly loved like being able to travel. See picture Below. A garden shed in Seville, Spain. If you know me you know that my heart longs to see the world, all of it. It is one of my true passions in life. 

 My Mom and Dad sacrifice a lot for us kids. My Mom works so my brothers can have insurance and so she can spoil her grand kids.  My Dad owns six cars and each of his kids drive one. He drives the WORST of them all. I mean YOUR teenager probably drives a nicer car than my Dad does. He truly does not care about that stuff. He doesn't care about fancy cars, titles, or anything. In fact, this is him LAST Christmas happy as a clam because he got two cases of golf balls from us kids.

Yesterday, I went to my REAL favorite store Anthropologie. I was talking to my Mom on the phone and realized that we were both headed there at the same time and so we met up. I had a return to do.
I pulled into the parking lot and looked up. I vaguely noted this car that was in front of me. It was in bad shape and I thought, "That is probably some teenagers car that is working here. What a sad little car."  It was an OLD Honda and the front paint had totally faded off the front bumper. It was dented and looked like it had seen one too many days. I walked into the store, made my return. A shirt that had a defect. My Mom walked up to me and we visited. I didn't want to spend any money so we left. We walked out and towards my car when I realized that crappy car....was my Dad's car. I never see the front because it is ALWAYS parked in their carport front to the fence. I exclaimed, "This is Dad's car!?!" My Mom laughed and said, "yeah and I have to drive it today." My Dad had gone to the ASU game in California with my brother and brother in law and they had taken her Armada. We drove in Dad's car to Aj's and it was then that I realized even more deeply JUST how much my Dad loves me. My car although also older, is in WAY WAY better condition than his. I am so grateful for a Dad who has taught me the value of priorities. In truth he has six cars they range from SUV to a Luxury convertible, a Lexus, a brand new Honda Civic, my Honda Accord and the oldest and ugliest of them all...his 2000 Honda Accord. He drives it because he would rather all of us be able to save money, and to have a little fun when needed instead of a giant car payment we are all strapped too. I think he is also teaching us a lesson by his example, things don't matter. They don't. I am so grateful for a Dad who helps me so much in this way. I am so happy that I do not have a $300-$400 car payment. I am glad for a Mom who is one of my best friends. I am so thankful for family. I love my family.

I love my children fiercely. I understand why my Dad drives that old car because I have children, I understand. I found this note on my pillow the other night, I have this stamp. Look at that little cursive signature. Heart Melter. Those pillow notes are the biggest heart melters. I love this season of reflection and gratitude.

The Luckiest. The Sunny D XOXO

I Want a Bob Cat

I don't know who rich wooders is but this is a fantastic picture of a bobcat. I think it is stuffed. Maybe richwooders is a taxidermist? 

I am in the middle of purging my closet this morning. I found this note as I was cleaning up and realized it was a note to Santa from Ellie asking for a Bob Cat. Keep wishing girl. 

Wait. Then I read or a BOB dog? Then I realized... it was an A. BABY. A BABY cat or dog. I remembered telling her Santa and I were tight and I was going to tell him NOT to bring any live animals. She still wrote her Christmas list. Oh it melts my heart and makes me sad because her little heart will be so heartbroken. The thing is, I already have two little animals to take care of....I DO NOT need one more. 

My Week at a Glance:

Monday:

A night filled with an exhausted Mother and a child that was challenging her. BIG TIME. Why was this child challenging me....because I accidentally pulled Taco Soup out of the freezer for dinner instead of Sloppy Joes. This child did NOT like Taco Soup. The funny thing is Thursday night this child did not like sloppy joes either. HMPH.

One Triumph. Rocky found the Vitamins. 

Tuesday: 

Kids at Dads. I got a facial after work, just delightful. Then off to a dinner date that was 2 hours too long. I was totally exhausted afterwards and realized that ....dating is just not for me. 

Wednesday: I can't remember. 

Thursday:

 I took the day off. I went with Ellie on her field trip to the World Wildlife Zoo. All the while snuggling my girl and contemplating my life. It was a long bus ride. It was the best day. I loved running around with the kids. We got in big trouble by the zoo keeper because the kids were ROOOAAARING at the tigers and lions. Seriously? That's what kids do. I tried really hard to be polite and not roll my eyes. I enjoyed every minute of JUST getting to be a Mom and I was so grateful that I COULD GO. 

 Maybe I got into trouble because I was egging them on to yell like lions.....

I wish I had eyes like a giraffe..look at those eyelashes! Such sweet, kind eyes.

Thursday was the best day ever. We came home, the kids had piano it was just overall a great day. 

And Friday...Friday was the best of all....

This is the WORST angle. Let me ask you do you think a MAN or WOMAN took this picture? 

With Spanish Sassafras..at MICHAEL BUBLE

This is a few rows behind us where some lady was unconscious for the show and then threw up EVERYWHERE. A perfect example of why I do not drink. 

These are all the poor people that were sitting next to her waiting for the area to be cleaned. Nasty. 

Here is Micahel...right in front of us

He sang wit˙ Naturally 7 a really great acapella group

As you can see he stopped to sing JUST TO US. 

The guy in the hat was adorbs. He sang to us and blew us kisses which we of course ATE UP. 

Oh, how I love a live show. 

So. Friday ended my week on a high note. I am so lucky to have great friends that like to do fun stuff. 

Dating Isn't For You.....No Really. It Isn't.

MAYBE...these two should date. 

PS. I think that is the ugliest car in the ugliest color I have ever seen in my life. blech. 

I need to clean my house. 

I need to do laundry. 

I need to do progress reports. 

I am SO ready for bed. 

Have you ever had an epiphany? A moment where you're in a situation that opens your eyes to who YOU are? 

I had one of those the other day. 

It was weird, a little bit disappointing because I thought I was better than I am....you know, and yet.....good for me. So good for me. Here I feel like I have come so far in my little life. I have things under control, my life is good. My children are happy and we are all healthy. What else could I ask for? Nothing. 

I was in a situation that made me realize I HAVE MORE WORK TO DO. I have a lot of things to improve to be a better person. I think there are some personal things I need to work out. I feel like I need to give more service to those I love. I need to be more appreciative and it needs to start right here first with my kids. So today I began the steps to move forward again, a shift you could say. 

I realized that:

1. Things I thought I was ready for, I wasn't.

2. I am very independent. Maybe too much so, but I am who I am. 

I was asked the other day IF I would prefer to do activities alone or with a spouse? I said, "What activities?" This person said, EVERYTHING! Grocery shopping, Costco, cooking, cleaning, shopping,going to the park, hiking, running, biking, camping, traveling, reading......

I began to feel nauseated. 

I began to feel SMOTHERED. 

Like a preschooler holding a bunny. I love you bunny, I love you, I love you, I love you.....

I couldn't breathe

I said, "No. I do not like to do everything together and that might have been the number one problem in my marriage is that I relish alone time." In a very authoritative voice that reminded me of my Mom when she meant business. 

It was as if you could hear crickets chirping. 

 Being alone. I love it. I like to run alone, I like to read alone, I like to go to the temple alone, I like to do stuff alone. Lots and Lots of stuff. I said there are a few things I like to do together, like a date. You know, movies, ball games and stuff. Other than that I have too much of my own stuff to do, you know...my OWN hobbies and interests. 

I would be so annoyed if my spouse decided that he wanted to join me on ALL my activities. It makes me so tired to think about it. 

I have a friend who told me that she loves having me as a friend because I am not needy all the time. She knows that she can call me and I will be there for her, and we can pick right up where we left off and still be bosom buddies. She said, maybe that is why I have been able to keep you as a friend for so long. 

So being alone isn't something I feel like I need to rectify. I feel it is something that I need to let settle and enjoy. So let the work begin!!!! I think a shift is good. 

XOXO-The Sunny D.....progression.