Party of 1

It's Monday night and I sit here alone. What I have learned is being alone isn't scary. In fact, I love my own company. That may sound weird but you have to learn to love your life the way it is. I had to learn to be okay with being alone. There are a few things that are pretty lame about being alone here they are:

 a) Loneliness. There is a deep void when your children are away from you. Most of the time I am just preparing for when they return. I love my children and I love having them in my home. That is what normal feels like to me. I am pretty lucky that my kids come to school with me each day. I sure love them. They are the best part of me. I love when we are together doing family stuff. 

b) Cooking Dinner for One Person. I am totally serious! It is such a pain! AND why do I not cook for myself like I am worth a yummy meal? Because I am tired and cooking for one person sucks rocks. So what do I eat when my kids are gone? Let's see....I am Cafe Rio'd out. Sometimes I walk to Joe's Farm Grill which is good but half the time I just eat cereal. Fruity Pebbles Anyone? It is really sad or my new favorite peanut butter on a rice cake. I used to be such a good cook...now......not so much. Except when my kids are home I usually cook like two great meals and fill in here and there with stuff they like...like bean and cheese quesadilla's or breakfast for dinner. COOKING FOR ONE. NO BUENO. 

c) Knowing you should go out and be social but you just can't do it. I can't. One more fireside...one more house party...one more dinner group...these things are all fun.... but so am I, and I like hanging out with myself. 

So I am a non-cooking, lonely, reclusive party of 1. 

A friend asked me why I haven't been in a long term relationship lately. Well, I guess I should start going to those parties and actually meet people I don't actually already know. Does that sound excruciating to anyone else other than me? 

Here is what I did tonight while I was alone. First, I dropped my babes at their Dad's on the way home from school. Then I came home and sat on the couch for 15 minutes contemplating if I wanted to exercise or not whilst eating chex mix. Then I decided I better run off the chex mix, strapped on my running shoes and headed out. I ran into a friend in the neighborhood who I love. We caught up and then I walked through the fragrant orange trees. My eyes watered a lot but it was worth it. The blossoms smelled so delicious and made me so happy. Isn't that so beautiful? 

I wanted to run to the temple. I wasn't sure how far that would be but the great thing about not having anyone at home waiting for you is you can run as long and far as you want. I headed south and along the way I found someone's drivers license on the ground. I picked it up and carried it my whole run. I am going to mail it tomorrow to the person. My good deed today was carrying that dang thing the whole way and my good deed tomorrow will be mailing it to the owner. As, I was running I saw the American flag against the Higley water tower. It seemed so lovely to me. I thought about how happy I was to be an American. I also contemplated why I haven't been in a long term relationship and all I can come up with is I haven't exactly been emotionally available. Also, I have been focused on my children and career. But maybe I should try to be more emotionally available? Oh well, I quit worrying about it and continued on my lovely run. 

Suddenly I smelled something delicious...it was a dark green Rosemary plant. 

Then right as I crossed the road my nostrils filled with fried food smell that turned my stomach and reminded me of running in the heat of the day during Cross Country practice right by the dreaded Dunkin Doughnuts. Ew that is the worst smell when you are running in 110 degree heat. Doughnuts! I think we all dreaded having to run past there every day. 

There is such a peaceful and happy feeling that surrounds the temple. I love it. I am happy to report the recommend is current since my last failed attempt and I am looking forward to going this week I hope.I love going to the temple. I love the Gilbert temple. I feel like the Gilbert temple really is MY temple. 

As I headed home I ran past this pasture it was such a lovely thing to see. I always thought I would live somewhere like this. However that bull with the horns in front was staring me down. It made me nervous so I crossed the road and ran by....quickly. 

On the way home I listened to my music and relished the sunset. I watched as a thundercloud had lightning streak through it and I ran home to my new anthem: Barcelona by Ed Sheeran because maybe just maybe Barcelona is calling my name. Life is good. Everyday. Normal. Life is SO GOOD. 

Alone but Happy. 7 miles down tonight.  XOXO- The Sunny D

Think of All the Beauty Still Left Around You and Be Happy. -Anne Frank

Happy 13th Birthday my love. Those two have me wrapped around their little finger. 

I went to bed last night and as I drifted off to sleep I felt so happy that my heart might burst. I was full of gratitude for my life and all of the goodness that is in it. Joy, true joy is the best feeling in the world. I had a week off of work for Spring Break and I enjoyed several days in Mexico and then a couple of days at home alone which felt luxurious and hard earned. I spent one whole day alone in my house holed up and read a WHOLE book. I know, nerd status. I can't help it, I love to read. However, the true happiness came when my kids came home. That is when I found my heart humming and full of life....... when they came home. On Friday we went to Cane's to celebrate Aydan's birthday and then saw Beauty and the Beast. He wasn't that excited about Beauty and the Beast. We then came home and relaxed. I can't describe what it is like to be a single Mom and only see your children part of the time. It's weird and unnatural and not cool. However, it is what it is and so you just have to do your best with the way things are. You know? We woke up on Saturday and went to Butcher Jones to do some paddle boarding/kayaking. We came home worn out and all rested for a bit. We then picked up Aydan's birthday cake and accidentally invited ourselves to the special opening of Backyard Taco. We played Uno on the patio, listened to the mariachi band, ate the free food, Ellie enjoyed the pinata and then we rode our bikes home. We snuggled up on the couch and watched movies and went to bed. Which left me aglow from the two days I had with my babes. I feel happy.

I am grateful to be happy because it wasn't that long ago that I was struggling a lot and so to have turned the corner and feel the sunshine on my face again is a blessing. I am so grateful. 

Happy. Things that I know for sure make me happy.

1. My children. Their awesome personalities and sense of humor. That we get each others jokes and I love the people they are becoming. Pretty remarkable little humans. 

2. Family and Friends. I saw a sign today that said something like may your house be too small to fit all of your friends. I feel like that. I feel so lucky to have been insulated from this tricky life with loving family and friends. 

3. I love the gospel. I love the peace and love I feel from my Savior. I love him. 

4. The color yellow. It is the happiest color of all. 

5. Bike Rides

6. Being outside hiking or exercising and being surrounded by nature. 

7. Adventures. I love adventures. I love planning adventures I have a few up my sleeve coming up and I can not wait!! 

8. Good Food.

9. Live Music or Dancing in the Kitchen to the Radio. 

10. Laughing. I love laughing. 

One last thing that makes me happy:

This yummy drink...I need to detox from too much Diet Coke! So when I need to do that I need to find replacements because I get tired of water. This is easy and so refreshing and yummy. I picked basil from my garden, a lemon from my sisters tree, and strawberries. Slice and add water. Keep in fridge overnight and VOILA! A yum in the tum drink. 

XOXO- May you see the beauty that is STILL left around you too--The Sunny D

The Sunny D Finally Sits Down

Rocky Point, Taco's, Coca Light, and camping on the beach have my whole heart. I have decided I must find a husband who is ok with camping on the beach with me at least twice a year in Mexico. It really is one of my favorite places in the whole wide world. I love it because once you cross that border the whole world gets shut off. It is simple. Boy, am I a fan of simple these days. Give me a tent, my running shoes, a few protein shakes, a swim suit and an embroidered mexican muumuu. Done and done. My friend Bobby and I rushed out of here on Friday right after work. It was a mad dash to Barnes and Noble for books. I think my very favorite quote of the whole weekend was when Bobby said via Marco Polo, "And, I am going to read a book! And it isn't going to be self help....it is going to be fiction!!!" Oh, man did that have me laughing. One more thing needed for the beach, a great book. I'm ready to go back. 

My Ellie girl rode up with my dear friend Heather and her family on Friday. It was fun to have the mini me with me. I sure love her. We had the chance to borrow a SUP. I helped Ellie get up and I showed her the ropes on how to paddle board. I kept telling her she was doing so great and how to turn the board and paddle. I said, "Ellie you are a natural at this!" It was so cute as we headed back to the beach where our friends were we passed Liv and Ellie called out, "Look Liv I am a natural." I love having that time with her and I hope to get out with my kids and do some more SUP this year. Loved it. 

Tenting it....Ellie could have slept in the snuggly warm trailer with the Hallett's but wanted to be right next to Momma in the tent. You know I loved that. 

Have you ever had an Asian Pear? They are so crisp, delicious, and juicy! Ever since my Mom and I went to Singapore I have been hooked. I just bought some really good ones at Target.

 I devoured the book Lilac Girls and I highly recommend it. If you are into historical fiction this book is right up your alley. It is based on true people and events of WWII and told from three very interesting view points. I give it a ten. 

If you like virgin pina colada's and gettin' caught in the rain..... 

Yum. YUUUUUUUUM. Can Backyard Taco hurry and open? I love the salsa plates they bring you for your taco's in Mexico. So good. 

It has been a wonderful Spring Break so far. Except when I got home and wanted to go to the temple and found out my temple recommend was expired and the guy said, "Well, there's really nothing I can do to help you." In my head I was like ok.....and then he said, "It expired in January has it been awhile since you've come to the temple?" In kind of like a reprimanding tone. I said, I guess so and turned around and left feeling so dumb, guilty, and full of shame. How could it have been so long since I had been? I knew I had been several times in December and then January slipped away from me. I tried to go in February but it was closed for two weeks and then I tried to go this week. I walked to my car and thought what is the lesson here? It is this, sometimes people don't really know what they are saying and try not to take it personally. How could he know I am a single Mom working full time and tutoring on the side to make ends meet while busing kids to activities as well. Right? Also, I know I am doing my best and do actually go to the temple often. My best is good enough and so I let it go...sort of. 

Why does it feel like I am always a day late and a dollar short? 

The weather is so beautiful this week and the sunsets have not disappointed. My plans for the rest of the week are as follows: 

1. Hike tomorrow followed up by a trot out to Last Chance and seeing friends. 

2. Friday my kids come home. Yipee! Even though I am a seasoned divorcee I still miss those cuties when they are gone and can't wait until they get home. It is Aydan's birthday today and I am excited to take him and do a little celebrating on Friday night maybe dinner and a movie. 

3. Saturday I want to get the kids outside on a hike and maybe swim at the pool. 

4. Sunday will be a day for church and family. I love Sunday. I love church and coming home to take a nap. I love that my Mom cooks this big yummy dinner for us and that everyone comes over and we sit around and talk or play games. I love it. 

XOXO- Spring Break is the best thing ever. Life is SO good. 

Is This the Meat Sweats??????

I trained. I ran. I finished. 13.1 it was nice to see you again. And yet although I am amid a pretty great accomplishment I STILL am critical towards myself. How do I let this go? Why can't I just pat myself on the back and say good job, you just ran a half marathon. Instead I look at this picture and compare myself to my friends. I am not as fast or fit or thin. LET.IT.GO. I am working on it, really working on it. You know the saying comparison is the thief of joy. It is true. It really is. In truth the time I ran this race was the same as the last 13.1 I ran when I was about thirty years old and that isn't too shabby. Plus, I had these wonderful friends join me in the run and that was joyful. THEN my friends from work surprised me to cheer me on at the race and that just put the wind in my sails. It was such a kind thing and such a surprise. I felt so loved. Thank you Meghan Hulihee and Laura Braidi! 

 And then there is something about running that breaks down my physical and I have to rely on my Heavenly father for help. There has literally not ever been a run longer than 10-13 miles that I haven't prayed for help to finish and power through. During this run we headed down Brown road and ran past the street my Grandparents lived on. As I realized where we were I felt a strong feeling that my Grandparents were right there beside me. I could feel them so strongly as I ran past their street and church and through the halfway point. I told T and Bobby that my Grandma and Grandpa were there and I was so choked up with emotion and tears streaming down my cheeks that I started to hyperventilate and had to focus on breathing. It is interesting to me that when things are difficult I feel them so strongly around me no matter what the task is. I love that and I love my knowledge and testimony that families really are forever and angels surround us daily to help us along this rocky path called life. 

I am not the fastest, the most athletic, competitive, thinnest, but I still do it. I still enjoy the run and somehow amid raising these children of mine and holding down a household and full time job I make enough time to get out and do it. And that is something. That says to my children, I love my body and my health and it is ok to take a little time for yourself. 

The last short run with my friend Laura before the race and this beautiful sunset gift as I ran home. These are the things that make me happy. Home, Sunsets, Outside, Friends. 

Maybe you aren't the best but you are good enough. 

Pre, during, and post race. It feels so good to accomplish a goal. It makes me want to do more, be more, work more. 

I had a few days of soreness and some gnarly blisters but Monday night I began to feel tired, really tired. I thought maybe it was residual tiredness from the run. However, I am usually recovered after a day or two at max. I went to bed early and headed into work the next day. It was clear by about ten AM that I had a flu virus. Which was not great timing as I was supposed to do parent teacher conferences this week. I got sick at work and headed home where I didn't move from my bed for a full 24 hours except to run to the bathroom. It was during this time that I wrote a haiku about the flu and had some really bad sick induced nightmares. 

Flu Haiku

48 hours of flu

All I want to do is sleep

(I was going to say all I want to do is poo but felt it might not be appropriate)

My guts are writhing

I worked a half day yesterday and went into work for conferences where I literally felt like I had the meat sweats the whole time but it was the clammy flu sweats. I worked all day today and did conferences and let me tell you all I wanted to do was crawl into bed. I powered through just like the race and maybe that is the theme of my life this week. Power through, slow and steady wins the race. 

XOXO-The Sunny D