A Broken Arm and The Ragnar Relay

On Sunday I received a call from Aydan during church that he may have either sprained his wrist or broken it. He just wanted to inform me. He was at his dad's house doing jumps on some hills with his bike. He landed wrong on one. He wasn't upset, he didn't cry...he just wanted me to know. I asked, "Is dad going to take you to have it checked out?" He said his dad would in a few days.

 I picked the kids up later that evening since Monday was a much coveted day off...Ahhhh gotta love those! I noticed Aydan was being careful with his arm that evening. The next morning I made everyone help tidy the house. We then went for a hike at Usuary Pass to the wind caves with Spanish Sassafrass and her girls and Angela and Manuel and their darling girls. Don't you just love being outside in the sunshine with your family and friends? There is nothing better in my opinion. We hiked, had lunch at the top, and enjoyed each others company. Aydan told me his arm was tender but ok.

Oh my goodness do I love that little Elena! She was hamming it up for the camera! So cute. 

Ellie giving Aydan a big hug after the hike. Aydan pretending he's too cool for it. 

Tuesday the kids were back with their Dad. His step-sister had sprained her ankle or possibly broken it so Aydan's Step-Mom made an appointment for the two of them to be checked out. I received a call from the pediatrician after work that Aydan had indeed broken his arm. I headed to the pediatrician's office after work to pick up a splint. Aydan had the Blue and Gold banquet for Boy Scouts that evening and I would meet him and his Dad's family there later. I felt like the worst Mom in the world because I had made my son HIKE and CLEAN with a broken wrist. I mean HOW CAN YOU TELL SOMETIMES if your kid just wants some attention or they really broke something????? Mom guilt filled my body and mind. SIGH. 

It was a chaotic couple of days trying to get everything arranged in my classroom, with insurance and Dr. appointments..but Thursday afternoon Aydan and I headed to the Orthopedic Surgeon where he was fitted for a cast. I'd be lying if I didn't say he was pleased as punch. It was like a boyhood right of passage had finally been completed. We went to Blue Lemon for dinner where I carbed it up on a kids order of Mac N' Cheese..I had the Ragnar early the next morning! Oh my cute boy..I love him so. I MADE HIM HIKE. oops. 

After dropping him off I had to pack for two days of Ragnar. We were not getting a hotel room this year so I needed my sleeping bag too. There are certain things you need when you run three races in two days. One of them is to pack each of your three outfits in ziploc bags....so you can put your sweaty stinky clothes back IN those ziploc bags after your run and they don't stink up the car. I had some prep work to do and food to buy. I ran errands, packed, and went to bed at 9pm. I was exhausted it had been a hectic week already. I had a 1:30 AM wake up call since I was running in van 1 and we needed to be in Wikenburg early the next morning. The Ragnar Del Sol Relay is a 205 mile race from Wikenburg, Arizona to Mesa, Az.  split up between 12 runners. There are six runners in each van and we each take turns running three legs of the race. 

This would be my fifth Ragnar Relay. I am often asked, "Why do you run the Ragnar?" My usual answer is, "I'm not sure." This time I thought a lot about WHY. WHY do I run this race every year? One of the reasons is you get to be in a van with six other adults which can add up to some really fun times and friendships. I love that. You can't help but love all the different people you get to meet and their personalities. I am in awe with each of the runners on my team each year. You see each other in truly some of the worst conditions, no sleep, poor nutrition, running every six hours LONG ARDUOUS HILLY runs, you all smell terrible. It is magic. 

One of the driving forces for me to run this race is I feel so alive. I feel alive in my body, my senses are piqued and I fall in love with the beautiful landscape, the sun on my face, the night sky above me. The fear of the night running that something might pop out of the desert at you. We have to wear a lot of safety gear at night. A headlamp, back blinking light, and a reflection vest. One night a few years ago as I was running through the desert I looked to my left and saw reflected back to me two greenish white eyes off a little ways. My headlamp had caught them in the darkness. I am sure it was a coyote but I had a REALLY fast time that race. Adrenaline is awesome. 

Night running the Ragnar

When you run you are alone. It is lovely. You can soak up your surroundings and the beautiful desert lays before you in all of its glory and splendor. I am not competitive, nor do I consider my self an athlete. I am an amateur in all aspects of racing. However, this race is so hard and so long I find myself having time to ponder and have long talks with my Father in Heaven. Often I am begging for help to let me finish and help me to finish! I love having that time with my Creator! I firmly believe that you cannot be surrounded by his glorious creations and not feel close to the creator himself! It is a glorious and beautiful world we are surrounded by and solitary running through it makes me feel part of something bigger. It makes me thankful for this grand earth I get to live in. 

Do you see how beautiful it is? The blue sky awashed with wispy clouds...that other runner I passed way back there...haha...four peaks in the background and to my right and left my beloved Arizona desert foliage. 

Subs...the one meal we were able to fit in during two days of running.

Nap time after leg one...naps with 1,000 new Ragnar friends. I lay there thinking when do I ever just get to lay in the grass and look at the clouds pass? When do I get to feel the sunshine warm my skin and the breeze wisp by? Rarely. This is why I love the Ragnar. Time. Time to feel alive. 

I think those things for about two minutes and then I am fast asleep because I am exhausted. 

Honey Pots....This is my night gear. I am with Maria who I love. We are waiting in line for the port-a-potty aka honey pot. It is a common occurrence during the Ragnar and takes up a lot of time. 

Night run. After this leg, which was my second, filled with two huge hills. We went to our resting stop. A few stayed in the van to sleep. I went with Amy and Kyle to the track where they said we could lay out our back packs and sleep. I lay there in the cold crisp grass, snuggly in my sleeping bag. My muscles starting to get sore and stiff. Yet, as I looked at the stars above me and took in the night I found myself again thankful for this magnificent world full of so much variety. 

UNTIL

UNTIL the dadgum sprinklers turned on and got us all wet. So we moved... and they turned on again..and we moved finally to the track where we were able to sleep. 

WELL PLAYED RAGNAR, WELL PLAYED. 

I am not proud of the fact that being awakened at three in the morning after completing 11 miles of running brought out the worst in me and a few choice words. :/ 

This is what it looks like in the van.

My last leg of the race was 5.5 miles uphill. The WHOLE WAY into Fountain Hills. It was here that my team waited for me at the mile marker to water me down. It was hot. I doubted my ability to finish. I didn't train well enough for that run and I was exhausted. But, seeing my team there with water was the sweetest tender mercy. It is those things that warm your soul, the kindnesses. The little blessings like baby wipes for stinky armpits, cat naps, gatorade, a real meal. When you are deprived you are so grateful for the small things. 

Both toes after the Ragnar. 

That is why I run the Ragnar. I gain experience in life. Through pain I feel joy! I get to CHOOSE to have a real earthly experience and to feel it completely, WHOLLY with all of my five senses. I rely on people, some of them I have never met who become life long friends. I have to rely on my Heavenly Father, I get to spend time with HIM. 

Finally after FIVE Ragnar Relay's I can say, this is why I run it. 

XOXO- Choose your own adventure. Life. The Sunny D

Ellie turns 8

My darling girl. How is it you are already eight? The years have escaped me so quickly it seems like a blur. She is a beauty. 

When I was pregnant with Ellie my left leg would fall asleep all of the time, random times my hip to toes. I told the doctor I thought it was weird. He wasn't too concerned but I felt as if she was sitting right in my hip and would hit a nerve at times. I began to get a varicose vein in that leg which like most women called for a set of compression hose. Hip to toe, in the heat of Arizona. However, the relief I received from those compression garments outweighed the discomfort. No fail every night as I laid my head to sleep she would begin a gymnastics routine in my belly. I knew this baby inside me would have spunk. 

As I was nearing the end of the pregnancy and the baby's due date approaches the Dr. appointments increase. I was at one of these appointments when the Dr. realized she was breech. He made an appointment for her to be turned in the hospital a week or so later. While there, we had a routine ultrasound and were informed that the cord was around her neck three times and she would be arriving that day via emergency c-section. I was nervous and just wanted her healthy. I also thought, AHA! That is why my left leg has been having all of these problems! 

Shortly after her arrival the nurse weighed and measured her. 6 pounds 5 ounces, then the length. The nurse measured her and said, "Oh, my she might be a midgit." I said, What? She said she is measuring really small. My Mom, also arrived at precisely that minute and said, "You didn't stretch her out!" She walked over to Ellie stretched her out and she measured 18.5 inches. She was little but she was also between 5-6 weeks early. She was perfect in every way. We were in the hospital for 5 days. She wanted to be snuggled right up next to me. She was most calm and happy when she was right at my side and it is still this way today. She is my snuggler, constantly sneaking into my bed at night. I can't tell you how many times I wake up in the morning and Ellie is in my bed too. I love it. 

Ellie is

sweet

spunky

full of life

strong

athletic

loves her brother

falls asleep right at 8:30 no matter where she is

early riser

sweet tooth waffle and donut lover

hard worker

loves big cats

diligent

kind

nurturer

loving

funny

great laugh

sparkly eyes

sunshine streamer hair

my baby

SPUNK

Her Brother's Greatest Champion

This is true for Aydan and Ellie. They are each other's greatest champion. 

Athletic

When she was about two we were playing at the park. I looked over to Ellie at the bar and she was in the middle of doing about 20 pull ups. I AM NOT KIDDING!!! This girl is sweet AND strong.  

Creative

This is a Jesus mask she made during conference....

pretzel heart

Big cat lover...it isn't uncommon to find animals all over her room and the play room set up in various scenarios

She loves to read

Dress Up...I think she was a cat for Halloween for three years in a row.

Hello Kitty suit with her BFF, literally for life..with Liv. She loves Liv like she is a sister. 

I love you my girl. You make me proud every day. Having this little girl in my life saved me from some very difficult times. Her spunk and spark, her happiness and sweetness made getting up each day during those dark periods worth it. My little angel. Now, I just get to enjoy the wonderful girl she is. I have learned so much from her. I can't wait to see how she grows, she is a wonder! 

XOXO- I love my girl. Happy Birthday Ellie 2015.

Dating Rapscallions

Learning and growth. 

Sometimes I feel like I have just about learned all I want to. 

When I was recently divorced not the old sage I am now, my Mom told me to beware of wolves in sheep's clothing. Of course, I felt like I had a good grip on life and dating and could spot a wolf a mile away. I have learned that this is not always so. 

One of the problems for me especially is my heart is heavily guarded in a formidable fortress. It's true. I am constantly working on this and the fear of trusting someone again completely can be emotionally paralyzing. When I think of what this might look like my all time favorite Disney movie comes to mind. 

Sleeping Beauty's castle. My heart is secure in there, no can get in or out but it is safe, right? Briars and thorns grow over the path...just in case. 

I have said before it takes the truly persistent to break through these barriers I have put in place for my safety. Occasionally, I will permit someone to break through these walls. This feels like a great risk to me emotionally. It doesn't happen very often, and I can easily say that only two men walk freely behind these walls that are not directly related to me. They have proven themselves to be knights welcome at the Sunny D's round table. 

Recently, I had an experience that wrenched the entrance gates of my castle right off their hinges. This man was smart, witty, a handsome devil. He was charming and boy oh boy did he make me laugh. He charmed my children and for a minute I thought....holy cow I actually like this one. Trust me, I was surprised. Plus. PLUS he was persistent. I started to fall a little, I'm not gonna lie. But then things got weird and things didn't add up. I wasn't sure if this was new stuff or old stuff. There were so many questions churning their way in my brain. CHUG CHUG CHUG my brain would start..... waking me up at 2:30 in the morning unable to go back to sleep. 

Well, it turned out he was a rapscallion who liked to play emotional Russian Roulette with my emotions.

And I learned some stuff. 

1. My instincts are good

2. I did the ugly cry, the really cleansing ugly cry and I realized that some of it was for this situation and a lot of it was old stuff. Some of it was hopes that felt dashed, the let down, and a lot of it was pure exhaustion. 

3. I turned to the Lord when I had questions, I asked advice from people I trusted and I went to counseling to work through all of these feelings I had to make sense of them. I wanted to proceed in a healthy way. I prayed, I pondered, I read my scriptures and I went to the temple.

4. I crashed and burned last weekend. But when I did I can't tell you the outpouring of love I received. I had random presents left for me by students and friends, ward members with the kindest notes. My aunt  sent me a note that I received Monday morning on my way to work as I checked my mail. It was inspired and filled with words that were so comforting. How could she have known? I cried and I was grateful. My family rallied around me as did my friends. I'm not kidding. I received a note, bubble bath, Dior lip gloss, a mini key lime pie from Kneaders, a Diet Coke delivered to school, my primary class was taken care of for me on Sunday, my Mom after not hearing from me knew something was wrong came and picked me up to bring me to her house to feed me. I received great counsel from my Dad. The outpouring of love blew my mind. My friends have rallied around me and I know, I know the Lord loves me. In fact, I am almost sure I am his very favorite. Shouldn't we all be, the Lord's very favorite? 

My home teachers came over with their newly returned missionary. We have a good relationship, they have known me for at least a decade. I poured my pathetic little heart out to them and they in turn just loved me. I received some of the best counsel from that cute little missionary. He told me to watch this mormon message I would like you to watch. It changed my whole perspective of the situation. It is called, Wrong Roads. Click there to watch. 

So I think in some ways, thank you rapscallion because of you I see the Lord's hand in my life. I am supported. I am loved and the gates have been ripped off their rusty old hinges of my scary fortress. My heart is exposed and guess what....I am ok. 

XOXO- The Sunny D- Back in the dating saddle.