Be Sick So You Can Be Well

This might just be one of my favorite pictures of all time. Mostly, because it holds so many promises, hopes, wishes, loves, and the whimsy of being in my favorite city in the world. Paris. Oh Paris! When can I come back to you? I love the city of light. 

I have caught the dreaded sickness. I have been more sick the last week than I can remember. It has been years. At least five or more since I have been this ill. I went to Urgent Care on Higley and Ray on Monday with a fever and feeling NOT WELL. I was diagnosed with a virus and sent on my merry way with no antibiotics. You know if I am going to Urgent Care and spending $60 to be seen it is because I know there is something wrong! I had fluid in my ears and crackling in my lungs and she prescribed me nothing. I will never go back there what a waste of time and money. The fever did not break so I stayed home on Tuesday. I felt guilty missing work even though I felt terrible and taught on Wednesday where I took a nose dive for the worse and lost my voice. I took Thursday off and went to my regular doctor who diagnosed me with a sinus infection, double ear infection, and respiratory infection. LAME. Who has time for this?! Not me. I also have to say I have in my opinion the best family doctor around. I HIGHLY recommend Dr. Gary Wallace at Mesa Family Physicians. He is thorough and so kind. I left his office with three prescriptions and two more days off of work and a weekend filled with laying around. I literally felt like I was the living dead. 

I returned to work today and my class had made me the sweetest get well cards. First of all, what a NICE substitute teacher! She had them make cards for me instead of the lame art project I had planned. It made my day and their sweet expressions of love just melted my heart. I was happy to be back but internally exhausted still. I found myself laying on the floor during my prep. It may have been a bit drama pants but I was so tired. SO TIRED. I made it through the day and walked out to my car into the sunshine and felt this exquisite gratitude for the lovely weather and the fact that I was walking in it! I drove home and chatted with my Ellie girl and then when I dropped her off I rolled my window down, turned up Mat Kearney's new EP and felt the wind rush between my fingers. For the first time in a week I felt like I was on the mend even if it also felt like I had a face full of boogers and an elephant sitting on my forehead. It was WAY better than the last few days. Thank goodness for antibiotics and great doctors. 

I'm also super grateful for good friends and my family. Always. Laura picked Ellie up for school and dropped her off AND spoiled her rotten. I am so grateful for friends who love me and my littles. Thank you Laura!! My Mom feeds us every Sunday and this Sunday I was so grateful to have a yum, home cooked meal. It is amazing that when I feel the worst I realize just how much I have. I love the opportunities I have to see the really good things in my life. 

My friend Laura said to me, "Be sick so you can be well." She said this on Wednesday when I was trying to push through the work week. It really sank in because she was right. Man oh man did I do a good job at being sick and I am so grateful that I am beginning to be well. 

And there is one more thing on my mind. Have you ever spent time with someone and it just feels like home? Have you ever been with someone that you THINK they feel like home and you really WANT them to be home but it just never really fits? You know the difference? 

The difference between simple and complicated. Calm or Anxiety. Kindness or Unyielding. Home is such a refreshing, non-stressful, happy place to be. Because home is where you feel calm, and happy, and safe. Cared for. Home is where your broken parts can heal and you feel them healing a little bit at a time. Home is kind. 

I guess in the last six months I have realized how sick my heart was after going to Florida and having it cracked in half like a nutcracker on a mission. I was forced to take a hard look at myself and do some of the really hard work. I had to be sick so I could be well. And when I was well.....

There was home. I'm not really sure about it all but I know that it is safe and kind. It is all my favorite things and surprise deliveries of diet coke, treats, flowers, and tacos. It is laughing and easy. So easy and so not complicated. Home never should be complicated it should just be a place you can heal and be well and always fit in and be loved. 

If you are sick, may you be well. XOXO- The Sunny D

School Shootings are Dumb

The phenomenal second grade teachers I get to work with and run with minus Ryan. 

Have you ever been in a real life lock down where there is a possible shooter on the loose? Have you ever had children that are in your care that you are hiding from a shooter? Who are crying and scared and all of a sudden you realize that YOU are the adult?  Have you called your loved ones to let them know you will be late and that you are holed up in the closet in your classroom with ten other professionals and chidlren? Have thoughts of your life run through your head and your children and those you love the most and wonder if this is it? If you loved hard enough? If you were enough, was your effort enough? Did you tell them you love them, do they know? 

I have. 

It is sick to your gut terrifying. 

I did not hear about the school shooting until late yesterday evening. I was so busy and to tell you the truth I have stopped watching the news because I feel it is a waste of my precious time. Plus, it is depressing.

 *NOT* as depressing as the retirement informational staff meeting I went to on Valentine's Day. Where I learned that I will basically be working until I am 95 or keel over in my classroom because my take home will be 15K a year. If I am lucky. I thought by contributing to ASRS my retirement was set. Apparently not. 

Here is the first takeaway News and Retirement both depressing. 

And people wonder why there is a teacher shortage. 

Let me tell you something, teaching is NOT for the faint of heart or the heartless. Also, if you are a teacher and reading this you should know that I do not edit my blog posts so....don't judge me please. I have been mulling over the thoughts in my head about the shooting for a good 24 hours and I need to get some things off my chest. 

 Why is everyone so dead set on blaming everyone else and pointing the finger? Is this yet another symptom of our society? It is the the governments fault, the parents fault, the Internets fault, video games fault, entitlement's fault, the gun controls fault, educations fault? 

NO. It is the shooters fault.

 It is symptomatic of the society we live in and I am tired, SO dead tired of the blame game. It is time for EACH of us to point the finger at ourselves and ask, WHAT CAN I DO? The truth of the matter is the biggest impact we can actually have is where we spend the most time and the people we spend it with. So how do we be deliberate about that? How do we make a difference in the place that will have the most impact? It starts with us: in our home, with our families, with our friends, it is taking a minute to get educated about who we are voting into office. 

BECAUSE GUESS WHAT....it is a democracy but ONLY if people get out and VOTE for change. It is having high expectations of our political leaders. Voting is not a popularity contest.........except it is and we have been conditioned since elementary school on how to vote. The person with the best slogan, the best prizes and the best empty promises wins! Orange soda out of every drinking fountain AND no homework EVER! 

What are the solutions? I have been asking myself this question. What is the solution? How does one change the course of society? It begins with you and it begins with me. It begins with what WE can control. 

In my opinion 

Problem Numero Uno: Violence. Violence on movies, television, and video games. We have been desensitized to the loss of life. I am GUILTY. My son plays some of those video games and I watch some of those movies. I for one am going to limit them. My friend only lets her boys play video games on the weekend and she has reported that her boys are much kinder during the week. That is something I can do! Doable. 

Problem Numero Dos: Parenting. Am I the best person to look at and say...Now, there is a great parent. She's got it all under control. NO. I don't and in some ways I am too soft and I am working on that. However, I teach my children right and wrong, we eat dinner together when they are home, we talk about problems and solutions, I am aware of their grades and make sure they get their homework done. We support each other by going to sporting and music events. There are consequences for poor behavior and I do my best to teach them empathy and good moral values. Am I a perfect parent? Absolutely not. Am I hands on? Yes. Am I involved? Yes. I am sure on the daily that I am making mistakes and screwing my kids up but I hope that this is where grace comes in. Take the time to teach when teaching moments arrive. The other day we were driving to school and El said to me, "Mom I invited everyone in my class except one girl." I could not believe my ears but I probed a bit more to find out why. I said, "Oh yeah?' She said, "Yeah, she can be SUPER innappropriate and I am afraid she will embarrass me at the party." I then said, "And, you feel good about this?" To which she expounded, " Well, and I ran out of invitations." (Her Dad and Stepmom were throwing the party for her) Golden Teaching Moment....I said, "I want you to put yourself in her shoes. She invited YOU to her birthday party, right?" 

Yes. 

And you had a lot of fun, right?

Yes.

How would you feel if you were the only one in your class not invited and you had invited HER to your party and she came? 

I would feel horrible Mom. 

Right. So what do you think we should do? 

We should invite her. But Mom, what if she says weird stuff? 

I said, Ellie you let me handle that. I think it will be fine because I am a teacher at the school and also if I hear her say or do anything I can correct the behavior in an appropriate way because you have given me the heads up about it. 

What about the invitation Mom? 

We can make one at school on the computer, easy peasy. 

THESE are the opportunities we have to take and PARENT. I am not always amazing but this one time I felt like we came to a good solution. I also felt like Ellie was able to process how someone else would feel. I think that is lacking in today's society. Everyone is so self absorbed it is disheartening. 

Problemo Numero Tres: A lack of kindness and understanding for others. In my classroom it is important for me to understand my students. There are a lot of ways to accomplish understanding. One is to get to know them. One way I do this is every month or so I pass a note card out on their desks or a post it note, or have them do it on their morning work and I ask them to tell me anything they want to. You would be amazed and shocked at the things I learn and the problems I can simply solve by seeking to understand. I always, always, write a note back. It gives me an opportunity to help the kids with life skills too. I had several girls in my class who struggled with the ability to make and keep friends. I challenged them to play with each other for each recess for three days in a row and if they did this and could report that they were being a good friend then on Wednesday they could come and have a special friendship lunch with me. It worked like a charm and the girls are have happily made new friends. I have note cards ready for Monday morning I gave each child a card with another child's name on it. I am going to challenge them to write one positive adjective about that child and we will pass the note cards randomly several times. In a classroom learning is not only academic it is also social. The need for learning social skills and appropriate public behavior has increased every year I have taught.

Problemo Numero Quatro: Selfishness. I think it is natural to be selfish but we have to choose not to be. This year I thought what can I do. How can I help? My daughter had run on a team that is 100 percent volunteer based. I am a runner! So this year I signed up to be a volunteer coach. Let me tell you there are many days where I think I DO NOT have time for this. I am tired and grumpy but something about teaching and coaching outside. Running with the girls, singing with the girls, I leave with the biggest million watt smile on my face EVERY. SINGLE. TIME. Helping others actually......helps me. 

A Sunny D challenge to you....WHAT can you do? What is in your power to make a positive change in the world around you? Will you commit to it? Whether it is voting, volunteering, having a good talk with your child, helping in the classroom, sharing your special qualities, talents, and skills with others. Working on mental health care and education reform to be proactive instead of reactive to these school shootings. We can make a difference and a change if we each do something!

XOXO The Sunny D. 

Spartan Sprint 2018

I signed up for the Spartan Sprint on a whim and with my huge $200 bonus from Governor Doug Ducey. I also got an oil change so I'd like to report that it was well spent and I WAS grateful for it. I just wish it had an extra zero at the end. The lessons learned with that bonus will last much longer and I am glad I am a believer in spending money on experiences. 

Running has taught me:

I am strong and capable. 

There is always room for improvement. 

Being part of a team is amazing. 

Mental fortitude can take you places you never imagined. 

I ran with my second grade team that I teach with. I love, LOVE, those women and I am proud of us. We didn't quite know what we were signing up for but we did pretty awesome. I completed every obstacle that I could and even a few that I wasn't sure I could. I burpeed out on several...if you can't accomplish a obstacle you have to do burpee's. There were a lot of moments of pushing through fear and telling myself, "Don't Feel, Don't Look Down, just GO." I look like a battered wife am bruised all over the place.  I am bruised but my heart is whole and happy. Plus, it is kind of cool to have battle scars. I'd rather have this kind than some of the others I have acquired over the years! Plus, I love adventure and I love being outside. I also loved breaking up the run with obstacles I just kept telling myself I was on the show Survivor and this was a challenge for a million dollars. 

Running has been a lifeline for me. When life is too hard or tricky I just strap my runners on and let life melt away into the pavement. I listen to my angry music and come home new, worn out, and refreshed. I loved running the Spartan because I could see that I was stronger than I thought I was but that there is room to get better. There is another race this Summer and I would like to compete and do all of the challenges. Goals. Adventures. Running. 1 Marathon, 2 Half Marathons, 8 Ragnars, countless 10 and 5K's and now one Spartan. 

XOXO- Do what makes you happy. The Sunny D. 

Show Up

Ms. Tidwell by one of my students

I was asked to talk in church a few weeks ago. The theme was being a disciple of Christ and at the end of my talk I gave examples of how we can "show up" for Jesus. I gave some examples of how we could be kind to others, attend church on Sunday even though it is at 8am, and standing up for what we believe in. 

I think supporting others by attending weddings and birthday parties may not seem like a big deal but the truth is it feels good when others show up for us. It feels good to show up and support others. I have been trying to show up for those that I love. Many times that means attending late night sporting events after a long day of working. Or last Saturday after attending CPR training I got some items and went to help at my daughters birthday party. Helping at the birthday party meant I would forgo getting groceries for the family for the week and lag behind on laundry and house cleaning. Guess what...we were fine. I grabbed a loaf of bread and a gallon of milk and yes we had cereal one night for dinner. Something I never thought I would do, but things change. The truth is will my daughter ever turn 11 again? No. I am learning to show up and be better at it. I haven't always been. 

Showing up is truly giving a piece of our heart away a piece of us a moment of our time. Sarah Barielles sings a song called, Little Black Dress that I love. She sings, I tried to be everything you ever want and sometimes...I even stood on my heart and stomped, now I'm dressed for the show but going nowhere. I will not ever stand on my own heart and stomp. ever. I will show up for me too. 

Every minute of every day feels scheduled. It is exhausting. I have to learn to show up for myself too. That is really tricky to do. Especially, when there is so little time. Time. My greatest commodity. I learned a lesson this week about putting myself first. Why is this so hard to do? The things that I love to do and want to do need to fit in there too. I need to show up for myself. I need to get sleep and go to the gym. Tomorrow I will run my first ever Spartan. I am showing up for myself. I need to eat healthy foods. I wouldn't say the bowl of cereal I had for lunch/breakfast today was a good example of carb loading for tomorrow. Luckily, I made up for it at dinner where I was showing up and attending a dear friends birthday party. 

I will show up by....

1. Give love freely and openly hugs are healing. 

2. Sleep

3. Eat good foods

4. Read

5. See my friends

6. Gym...even though it is a sacrifice at 5am I have to remind myself that I can show up for me too. 

7. Taking risks

8. Letting go of fear

9. Being present

10. Long hot baths 

XOXO- Show up. The Sunny D