Ms. Understood

The Sunny D needs a vacation.
Here is a Haiku.

Gone

Need to get away

Is there a place far enough?

Going Going Gone.

I am teaching my class poetry. I love teaching the poetry unit. We started out reviewing adjectives and talked a lot about fantastic vivid language. We discussed how it is so much more interesting to use the word colossal instead of just using boring old BIG. I told them it was important to branch out a bit in our writing and use words that interest the reader. 

Then I remembered one time I was writing something for 8th grade English. I thought I would be so smart and so I used the thesaurus to find a synonym for some word. In my mind I thought, oh yeah..this is totally going to get me an A! I got my paper back and it had a big fat B on the front. I was so mad, I mean after all I had gone the extra mile to look ONE word up in the thesaurus. As I flipped through the essay there was my fancy word circled in RED, with a note next to it that said.."What is THIS?" 

Sigh. Misunderstood. 

I had my class write a poem about Witches. The kids fill adjectives in the blanks and VOILA there is this nifty little poem when you are finished. The poem goes something like this:

__________________ Witches

___________________Witches 

Those are just a few.

__________________Witches (And so on)

I collected the final drafts and as I was grading them one little boy in my class started his poem out:

Teacher Witches

Green Witches

Those are just a few.

I thought, Am I a teacher witch? Maybe I am a teacher witch. I didn't think I was a teacher witch. 

Me and Elphaba misunderstood witches. 

I really believe misunderstandings are part of the learning curve of life. We think we have all the facts and so we make an assumption. When in truth we really don't have all of the facts all the time. I do it all the time. I wish I didn't. I wish I didn't make judgement calls with just half the facts but you know, it happens. Why am I carrying on about misunderstandings? I don't know, maybe because I just learned a valuable lesson from one. There is a saying that says: Be kinder than necessary for everyone is carrying a heavy burden. Isn't this true? We all are. There was an assumption made about me, in which all the details were not known. I was humiliated and chastised and my feelings were hurt. I was so shocked by the assumption that was made. I remember thinking this assumption is SO far off, if they really even knew what was in my heart.....they would see that we are really the same. They would see we have the same thoughts and feelings, they would see that I had also had a hard week, month, and year. That there is no need to be mean, and there certainly is no need to gang up on me. But, no one asked they just fired the artillery. I was shocked and mostly I was hurt. I went into my room and I knelt down to pray. I didn't know what else to do. I cried, deep heavy sobs of exhaustion from this straw that had just broken the camels back. After I prayed, I understood. I understood that the group making the assumptions was just as tired as I was. They were worn out and busy too and mostly I just felt love for them and hoped that their worries would be eased. I hoped they would understand that I wished, what ever they wished and that was all. 

and then I cried some more. 

and I complained to God and I asked him to help me to not be so feeble minded. To help me have strength to get through ONE MORE DAY. 

And then my heart calmed, my tears dried, my crying hiccups stopped and I was wrapped in peace. I felt deeply loved and cared for and I knew that my Heavenly Father knew and TOTALLY UNDERSTOOD and he would help. 

And he did. 

Misunderstandings Suck. XOXO The Sunny D

The Divorce Rate Is Higher Than Ever

I just love a tree lined street with a castle at the end of it. Don't you?

I had a conversation the other day with UADLL. I was debating whether I should go to the Mid-Singles Halloween Party. I ended up not feeling great and stayed in instead. It was a busy week in which I had already pulled an all nighter taking care of a sick, throwing up child. I wasn't too keen on having two all nighters in one week. 

We then got onto the topic of dating, which happens a lot. I mean there is SO much to talk about. Who we are dating, or not dating, or dated, or lessons learned from dating, or that ex-boyfriend that ALWAYS, I mean ALWAYS sends a text at the exact moment your totally fed up with the guy you are dating at the moment saying he misses you, or that you are beautiful, or that he totally blew it, or will basically make all of your dreams come true etc. etc. etc. 

What is with that? It's like ex-boyfriend sonar or ESP or something. 

Anywho.

There was this talk in conference a few years ago, it relayed the story of the man from Boston who was caught up in the excitement of the gold rush. He moved to California and began to look for, "gold nuggets so big you couldn't carry them." He gathered a large pile of rocks with no gold to be found. Along came an old prospector, the man from Boston said, "there is no gold here I am going home." To which the old prospector said, " There is gold here," and taking the rocks and banging them together the rocks split apart revealing gold flecks. The man said to the prospector, "Oh, well I am looking for golden nuggets like the ones you have in your pouch." To which the prospector held out his pouch for the man to see. The man was fully expecting to see several large gold nuggets but instead he saw thousands of tiny gold flecks. 

UADLL (Unasian Daddy Long Legs) said, "You know that is the problem with a lot of men these days. They are looking for love to smack them hard on the top of their head. They think they are going to have this HEAD OVER HEELS feeling of love, when in truth that RARELY ever happens. They keep looking for those golden nuggets, when what they really need to see are those little flecks of gold. Men today do not know how to recognize what true love is." She then went on to say, it seems to me that a lot of men think they will find this perfect love like their parents have, when what they don't realize is that true love is thousands and thousands of little golden flecks. 

I of course, agreed as this is a pretty good theory.  A theory which I have seen played out hundreds of times with a lot of various people. 

She then said, if men would JUST realize that when they want to be with someone all the time, talk to them all the time, text all the time, and hang out with them all the time it is the beginnings of love, its the flecks that are adding up and up and up to be that golden nugget. But so many men ignore those feelings, put women in a friend box, or fail to move forward that they lose the opportunity they could have had with someone who would have been a perfect match for them. 

Sniffle. So true!

I decided a long time ago that my divorce would not dictate my future. I decided that the things I experienced would not hold me back from living my life to its full potential. I decided that I was going to be and do and see. I decided that no matter what, I would be happy. I would be grateful. I would be kind. I would be the best Mom I know how to be. I think for the most part I have done this. I mean I still have challenges with it, I still have to work on having a good co-parenting relationship with the children's Father and sometimes this can really stress me out for multiple reasons. However, once I get over those hurdles I often see the blessings of my life. After I have cried, and complained and carried on....and sometimes had to work through some hard stuff by running it out on the road.  So this is my NEW challenge. I will do my best to not complain, to not let it affect me. I DO have control over that and the truth is, my life is pretty great. 

As I ended my conversation with UADLL, she said, "You know the divorce rate is higher than ever. THAT IS GREAT NEWS FOR US!" 

Which is true, and we laughed. 

Don't ignore those flecks of gold, if you have them, hold on to them and don't let go. XOXO, The Sunny D. 

Pretty vs. Hot

Have you ever read an Olivia book? I just love her. She is smart, spunky, and mischievous without really meaning to be. 

This year I have been faced with the dilemma of WHAT TO BE for Halloween. I decided I would be Olivia. Perfect. I am a school teacher. Olivia is sort of just like me but I am grown up. She is what I would call precocious. P.S. My red dress DOES come down to my knees.

So I have been gathering my costume items and am pretty tickled pink about the whole thing if you ask me. I seem to gravitate towards the pigs for some reason for a few years ago I was Miss Piggy. Last year, I was Katniss Everdeen from the Hunger games, mostly because it was easy. 

I was invited to a Halloween party by a dear friend of mine. This Halloween party is pretty huge and everyone who is in their 30's and single KNOWS that this is THE party of the year. It is the place to SEE and BE SEEN. So I was talking to my friend over the phone and he asked me what I was going to be? I said, Olivia the Pig. I could hear him chuckling over the phone. 

"What? YOU CANNOT DRESS UP AS A PIG?" 

Why, I said dejectedly. "Because. I won't let you." I told him I went to a party two years ago or so and I dressed up as Miss Piggy. He laughed at me.

I said this:

Back to the drawing board, but I have a good idea..

Here is the other thing about these Halloween parties. Some women, use it as a time to dress as scantily clad as possible. It is a little embarrassing to me. Not that I am embarrassed of myself but, I am embarrassed for them because they have succumb to the misguided notion that it is better to be HOT. I mean sure, I guess it could be nice to be looked at as hot. But is it? I know we could all get into the debate. It has been debated and debated and each side has made good points about swimsuits, Miley Cyrus, pornography, how men view women..etc...etc....etc....But when it comes down to it, REALLY comes down to it, the point is these women know better. They just do, because most of them have made certain promises to live a certain way and that includes modesty. 

Let's take Miley Cyrus for instance. Most of us have seen her on that award show, how could you miss it? Now, most of us have seen her totally naked swinging around on a wrecking ball. This is a young woman who has been a roll model for SO many of our girls. Unfortunately, right now she is modeling objectifying women. When I see her my heart aches for her, she is someones daughter, she is Heavenly Father's daughter. She will be someones Mother and Grandmother. It isn't too hard to see her future, she is so desperate for attention to be #1, the STAR she will go to any length to get that shock factor. The sad thing is the music industry will egg her on, eat her up and within a few years spit her out. Then what? That is when she will REALLY have to ask the question WHO am I? She thinks she is proving a point now, that she isn't a child anymore? Just wait Miley, just wait till you are headed to 40 and you are REALLY asking yourself who you are. 

My point is, the game doesn't change. It just doesn't. The wheel isn't reinvented the same tactics that are used for Miley are used at the over 30 Halloween party. Satan has a great game plan, it works EVERY time and it has for centuries..so....the question is when are WE going to say I AM DONE, not going to do that. That is where the real power lies. In the ability to dress inappropriately but choosing not too. It is when we as women say, I am happy enough with myself to be pretty. 

A friend of mine sent me this in a text. He then said, thank you for being one of the pretty girls.

Why You Don't Want To Be Hot

1 - They're more into themselves than you. Any girl that spends most of her time focusing on how she looks and comes off, is not going to have much left over to devote to you.

2 - They encourage others to hit on them. Hot girls just by their nature cause other guys to hit on them. Not the best thing if you're in a relationship and aren't all that into fighting off all those other guys.

3 - They requite too much maintenance. Hot girls require a lot of attention; from you, and pretty much everyone else. They need constant reassurance that their still hot and better than all the other girls. In short, they'll tire you out with their needs.

4 - They make others wonder about you. If you are someone who is with a hot girl, others will wonder if you have any depth, if you're vain or don't really care about anything but how a girl looks.

5 - They'll dump you if someone better comes along. Hot girls want to be with hot guys. If they think someone is hotter than you, then they'll dump
you so fast you'll never even know
you ever had her.

6 -
They'll break your heart and wound your pride. They will. They surely will. They'll flirt with other guys, or cheat on you. They'll dump you eventually if you get older, run out of money or begin to lose patience with them.

7 - They'll cost too much. Hot girls requite a lot of things to maintain their hotness. Rarely are the able to afford all the these things, so they will expect their man to foot the bill for clothes, make-up, surgery, etc.

8 - They'll annoy you. Hot girls don't think about much other than how they look and how others see them. That doesn't leave much to talk with them about. Plus, their constant neediness will get on your nerves.

9 - They are too shallow. You just can't get around the fact that anyone that spends most of their time, thoughts and energy on how they look and how others see them, just isn't going to be all that deep. It might be
nice for awhile to just look at your hot girl, but eventually you're going to want to actually have a conversation or do
something that doesn't lead to public approval of
how she or the two of you look together.

10 - They won't ever truly love you. Hot girls love attention, compliments and their own image. This of course leaves very little of their hearts for loving anyone that isn't them. Thus, she will never be able to really love you.

These top ten reasons on why guys should avoid hot girls is for all those guys out there that are so mesmerized by how hot girls look that they might overlook how life with these girls might be. If you are such guy, I hope these reasons on why you should rethink your goals, help you to see that maybe you should look for a different kind of girl. Good luck.

This is just one of the things that I think about, the swirling thoughts about life and where I fit into it. I may be a little more passionate about the objectifying of women than your usual gal. I have been an object, treated like an object and let me tell you it is NOT what our Heavenly Father wants for his daughters. It is a confusing, dark and depressing place to be. Let us be the kind of women who love freely, who hold intelligent conversations, who build up others, who speak softly and kindly, who are valued by our friends, who are the KIND of friend to others that are of VALUE, who are happy and laugh freely. That is what a pretty girl does and is, she sees her worth is more than being the HOTTEST at the over 30 party or that naked girl swinging around on a wrecking ball. 

Let us be pretty. XOXO The Sunny D

I Love Saturday's

I love weekends more than anything. I mean, I love my job. How can a teacher not love her job? If I could JUST teach and not worry all the time about all the other rigamaroll that goes with it...I am pretty sure I would like the week as much as I like weekends.

 I have these patterns in my life. I recognize them now.
They go from contentment.
TO, I am doing NEARLY..pretty much everything I am supposed to be doing,( except sometimes I am tired and short with my children, or I am too tired to read my scriptures one night.)Why am I not being blessed with the things I am asking for, that I have asked for in every way I can think of, I have been specific, I have had a brightness of hope, what else shall I do?
TO, Frustration.
TO,  Heavenly Father, what IS it exactly YOU want me to do with my life?...and then generally back to contentment. I try very hard to be on the path Heavenly Father wants me to be on but sometimes it just feels like I am walking in circles. I wonder if I am going where I am supposed to be going or doing what it is he wants me to do?
Maybe I am the only one that feels this way, kicking against the pricks as they say.

I am in Frustration mode right now. I am ready to be back to contentment mode because that is where I am the happiest. I mean, I am happy I am just so-so happy, frustrated with my life happy. YES, and don't worry I practice what I preach..I know I am the only one that can change my life and TRUST me when I say, I AM DOING EVERYTHING IN MY POWER to change things.

Today we went hiking.

 Look at those cute kids.

 Love this hike, LOVE the hieroglyphics so much!

 Grandma came with us.

 I know. The thing on my head looks weird. It is a sweat band thing but now that I have bangs...I have to wear it when I work out or I look super odd.

Amazing.


The kids were GREAT on this three mile hike. It isn't far but part of it is pretty gravelly which can be hard for little kids. We hiked to the spot, the kids had a snack, Aydan freaked out about the wasps and Ellie told him to chill out. We tootled around and then we headed back. It took about two hours with the little kids. I wasn't thinking about anything in particular, nothing was weighing heavily on my mind. I had left my phone at home and so I was just enjoying life, nature, and my family. We had hiked back about two-thirds of the way and Ellie started to whine, she was getting tired. I held her little hand and gave her a sip of water. She moaned, "When are we going to get back?" I replied, "Soon, I can see the cars up ahead." I pointed in the southwest direction and said, "SEE? there is the parking lot right over there, just a few more steps." She groaned, "but I CAN'T see the parking lot." I said, "That is okay. I can see the parking lot and it isn't far at all." That satisfied her and we walked along a little ways. It then dawned on me that this must be what Heavenly Father feels like with us. He holds our hand, and encourages us, he tells us it isn't much farther to go. We complain because we can't see the end result. He points, and he reassures some more, he gives us rest and quenches our thirst. We get tired, we complain, he reassures, he gives us peace and before we know it the thing we are working for has arrived. I love the quote that says something like: Remember that all the things you have now are once things you only wished for. So, I am going to try to remember that when I feel frustrated. When there is so much work to do and not enough time, when my children are difficult and I am ornery, when I am on a deadline at work, when I run out of milk and have not one extra minute to spare to get groceries, when I am on my last drop of gas and refuse to put a tank on my credit card or dip into savings to fill up, when I hear a song that pulls up emotions in me that I am not sure I am ready to face, when I have SO many thoughts running a marathon in my brain at night and I can't sleep. I will remember that Heavenly Father has my hand, he can see the end and there isn't much farther to go. There are just a few more blind footsteps of faith.

I am content. Ok. sort of on my way there. XOXO-The Sunny D

She is the kind of girl who......

I know this girl.

I used to be her, and sometimes still am.

I read this and it sort of punched me in the heart.

EXCEPT.

My heart was once locked up so tight, it was padlocked. However, over time I have learned that the world is so beautiful. The sun shines, the trees sway, and children laugh. There are so many opportunities to make this world a better place, to lift the sad hearts of those around that are hurting. I learned that the only person responsible for a happy future...was me. It was all up to me.

I learned that:

• even though you can't control other peoples choices, you can control yours
•  it is better to say you are sorry even when you are right
•  not every battle is important, to let as many go as you can and then breathe, and then go to In-N-Out and have a cheeseburger with special sauce. 
•  music feeds the soul
• when I am angry, to pray, and then open the scriptures. 
• everyone is suffering with something
• if all else fails get a pedicure
• it is important to be nice
• children grow up way too fast
• sometimes you just need to go on a great adventure
• Mom is still the best cook
• You always fit in with your family
• Boys aren't as scary as I once thought they were
• I am my very own kind of pretty
• never underestimate a good run
• when that run pulls up hard memories hand them over, leave them behind, forgive and keep moving forward
• if you are tired of dating, don't give up, the right guy will come at the right time....still hoping this is true...just hangin' out here waiting for him to come along
• there are ALWAYS new men coming into the mix
• being single is NOT the worst thing to happen
• I still despise ironing
• it is fun to play
• it is important to set goals
• your future is as bright as YOU make it

I am feeling ready. I am ready to run this race in the Spring, I am ready to start planning my next adventure. I feel like I am ready to make some things happen! I love goals almost as much as I love the FALL weather. I love that I am as free as a bird to go and do and be the person I am supposed to be. Good things are coming, again! I felt like this last year but I feel it again in my bones, this year still has a few surprises.

Cheers to the lessons in life XOXO The Sunny D

Rascals

I sort of love this picture, I love that it makes me want to say YEE HAW. I think what I love most is that Ellie took it while I was driving her around on this bike pedaling tractor contraption. Boy, I was sweaty after going on that thing three times. We had so much fun that day. It is the redeeming days like that one that make me feel like MAYBE the crummy days and the good days will all even out. Most days are pretty great. Especially the last handful of days. The weather is cooler and it's as if all of earths creatures feel the excitement of it.

Just the other day I was knocking at the door of a friends house when I caught a glimpse of the most darling little finch, I watched it for a moment and then the door opened and I was distracted. There is just something about taking a minute to be present in the things around me that makes me feel so alive. I love this life.

Tonight for Family Home Evening we went out to dinner because FRANKLY I was tired. We went to Kneaders it was yum. I could not even finish my dinner, a bowl of soup. My kids and I talked and laughed and ate and then we went to pick a friend of mine up at the airport. On the way home my son and daughter FOUGHT, YELLED, WHINED, and CRIED. Then I turned into Mom the hag and got after them and was irritated at their behavior, especially one of them who all of a sudden needed LOTS of attention. We dropped the friend off and I had a calm talk about manners, interrupting conversations that adults are having, yelling in a SEDAN, and attention seeking behaviors that are not cute. We arrived home, and I told the kids to get into their jammies twice before saying OKAY GUYS go get in your pajamas and meet me on my bed for scriptures! I walked into my room with two kids little freckled faces waiting for me, and I dove onto the bed and STEAM ROLLED THEM. They were so shocked and the whole room erupted into laughter. We read scriptures, had family prayer, I tucked them into THEIR beds and walked downstairs to make lunches. I was tired but then I thought that maybe I was the luckiest girl, because I got to make my kids lunches for school. I tucked a little treat and love note in each lunch box. This life is what you make it, I love it.

Motherhood, Single Motherhood

My babies. They really are babies here. 

I have been home from work, it is October break and I have loved every minute of it. It is a challenge being a single Mom. The truth of the matter is you do it all. ALL. Things slip here and there, like ironing or things that need to be fixed around the house that I have no clue how to fix. I look at this picture when my babies are babies. Aydan was in Kindergarten here and a lump settles in my throat and tears well up a little in my eyes. I always thought I would be a Mom. I cherished my degree in Education and it is true I DO love to work. I just love being a Mother first. I always thought I would have five children. I don't know why five is the magic number. I used to be so tired, I remember those days and long nights. That Ellie girl was the WORST sleeper on the planet. I also remember smelling my babies necks, and kissing them all over their faces, and rocking them looking out the window into the street at the stars. I loved to rock my babies, I had the best rocking chair. 

I sold it when I moved. It was painful but it was symbolic for me, an end. If there was to be a new beginning then a new rocking chair would have to be purchased. I hope for a new rocking chair. 

I have been thinking about possibly finding an new profession. I have mulled jobs over in my mind but none seem to satisfy me, or pique my interest enough to pour tens of thousands of dollars into a Masters to pursue them. Now, I know why. 

It was Monday morning. I was wet with sweat, in fact drenched from my yoga class. You know HOT yoga, it's like a regular yoga class but with me in it. HAHAHAHAHA. Isn't that so funny! I rushed from my class to pick up my children from their Fathers house. We needed to get some groceries and so  we stopped at Basha's. I had a list so it would be quick. My kids wanted to go into the kids club. I shivered through the store gathering my goods. I was soaked with sweat then bam hit with A/C. After I had purchased my groceries, I went to get my kids. I then had an interesting conversation with the worker in the kids club. I told her I was a teacher, she said her daughter was going to graduate soon with teaching degree and that it was the perfect job for a Mom. I agreed. She then said something that has stuck with me, I have thought a lot about it this week. She told me of her sadness when her youngest left to college. She said she was surprised because she thought she would have grandchildren by that time. She never thought her life would be childless. She found herself depressed and so she got a job at the kids club 10-15 hours a week and now her life is filled with children. 

I LOVED her mother heart. Don't you? 

Then. I thought what would my life be like if it was childless? Oh. There is that lump again. You see, I have always had a mother heart. It took me a few days to get back into the swing of it, to shake of the stress of working. Today being a Mom settled itself on my shoulders and it feels good because being a Mom is the best thing in the world, no one can take that away from you. My life looks different than I ever thought it would. I pictured myself being home when my kids got off the bus and having cookies ready for them. I pictured them sitting at the table and getting homework done, while I made dinner. It doesn't look like that at all. You know and it's OK. 

I have realized that I don't think I could do anything BUT work with children. Can you imagine a childless life?

I am grateful. I am grateful for my children who teach me everyday. Who every single day give me opportunities to learn and be a better person. They are growing into such kind, smart, capable people. They amaze me. Their goodness amazes me. So tonight I did not rock them, but we did read scriptures and said prayers. I tucked them into bed and kissed their faces, and scratched their backs as they nodded off to sleep. Thankful to be a Mother, even if it IS a single one. 

Grocery List.

We went for a bike ride/rollerblading/scooter riding mile loop around the neighborhood

Our house is a ZOO, we are babysitting a teeny tiny baby tortoise that is TO DIE FOR adorable, and we have my classroom gerbils...needless to say Aydan and Ellie are thrilled

We went tot he movies and Ellie got ALL ready. 

We painted nails, and Aydan baked TWO batches of pumpkin chocolate chip muffins! 

I cherish the days I get to feel like JUST a MOM 

Eggplants and Dinnertime Conversations

I went to an Indian food restaurant. I thought it was my first time but then I as I thought back I realized it was a lie. I had eaten at one once before. I had to check with Unasian Daddy Long Legs first to see if that was really what we had eaten was in fact, Indian food.  I remember it being good. Well actually, that is sort of a lie too. I thought it was just ok. But, I didn't know what to order. The bread was delicious though. That is always a problem for me, I love bread.

So in my excitement I decided to try a little bit of EVERYTHING. It was a buffet, which was thrilling because you could try EVERYTHING for ten bucks. I perused the buffet and picked a few things I wanted to try first for sure. There was food of every color: brown, green, yellow, orange. A friend of mine said that eating food in India is really easy because everything is different colors but it all tastes the same. I spooned a big scoop of rice on my plate. I really love rice. It fits in the bread family. Two thumbs up. Then I picked this vegetable medley thing with orange sauce on it and a few other dishes.

I walked expertly back to my table. I have a rule about eating. It goes like this, first you eat the vegetables, then the rice, and then the meat. There was something interesting in the vegetable mish- mash it was a vegetable I had never seen before. It was a strange shape, I thought this MUST be something really authentic. I wasn't sure how to go about eating it, it had a tough outer shell. The inside was kind of like when you are eating an artichoke and it gets sort of barky towards the bottom. You know?

******Side Dinner time conversation tonight about this Indian dinner. I was telling my sister and Mom this story when my sister said, "OH NO, was it a testicle?" THANK GOODNESS it was not a testicle. I might have had to roll up in a ball on the expertly vinyl covered high backed bench at the Indian restaurant and rock myself back and forth.

I finished off the curry bark and summoned a waiter, I wanted to know exactly what it was I just ate. A man came over and I asked him what it was, he said he didn't know. Hmm. So he retrieved another waiter with more culinary expertise. He informed me that was the top of the eggplant and that you were NOT supposed to eat it. The green stem pictured above.

Oh well. It was actually kind of good.

And now might I ask, why would you have a whole bunch of those in the vegetable medley if they are not to be eaten?

Tonight my sister and I took my Mom to dinner at Olive and Ivy. It was pretty yummy, we tried some new interesting foods there too like duck a la wuasjfljoijfoai. I don't even know what it was but it was good. I was boring and I ordered the grilled chicken greek salad. We were talking about General Conference today and my Mom was telling us about Elder Holland's talk. I had missed a chunk of Saturday afternoon's conference because I had some errands to run. I guess it was on depression and was fantastic. It then led into a conversation about mental illness. My Mom works at the hospital in a unit that sees a lot of really sick people. Well. I guess all the people in the hospital are really sick. Anyway, she said that there are so many cases where people say things like, "The Voices" made me do it. Then she said, "Why can't the voices say, go to work,  don't drink, take your medication, be a good Mom or Dad, exercise, be happy."

I am so glad that is not my trial in life. I feel for those people whose trial it is.

So after I ate the eggplant stem and a whole bunch of other stuff at the Indian food place I got up to use the restroom. I walked to the back of the Indian Restaurant and into the bathroom where there were at least five dead on their backs, legs curled up in a ball roaches. They must of had the testicles.

Good night. XOXO The Sunny D

Be Happy.

Wow. Isn't that the truth. 

It is so overwhelmingly apparent to me how much I HAVE to be balanced, or I get grumpy. It is necessary for me to give the Lord his minutes each day. It can feel so overwhelming to try and fit everything in, but it all gets done. 

I have to make a confession here:

I was supposed to read Pollyanna to my class and I really didn't want too. Not at all, I thought it was going to be some dumb book. However, it has turned out to be just the book I needed to read. In it the always upbeat Pollyanna lifts a whole town's spirits by teaching them the glad game. They turn all of the things that they are sad about into things they can be happy about. As I read this book I related many times to the character. I could hardly put the book down and my class caught my enthusiasm for it and would BEG me not to stop reading. We couldn't wait to learn about what was going to happen next. There were so many twists and turns. We had a lot of fun trying to predict what would happen next, kind of like those choose your own adventure books. The last few days the story has become a bit dramatic and emotional, at times I would get teary and try to hold the tears back as I was reading to my little class. They could hear my voice get a little shaky and they would be so concerned about me. I am glad for my class. There were a few quotes that stood out to me: Here is one.

There was another one that said, It takes a woman's hand and heart, or a child's presence to make a home. 

This is so true. There was a lot of wisdom in this book. Tonight as I read the Friend ( a church magazine for kids) to my children and then we knelt down to say family prayer this quote came into my mind. I am so very grateful to have a children's presence in my home. It really makes it a HOME and not a empty house with rooms. I played the glad game and I said I was glad to have my children in my home and I expressed my love for them. I am so happy to have them. I had been a bit grumbly about the long stretch of time they would be with me, 3 weeks almost in a row.....but then I was just so glad. A friend nicknamed me Pollyanna, but after reading this book I pale in comparison to her sunny disposition. I think she mostly named me Pollyanna because I am a little old fashioned. I will prefer to think it was because of my always happy and sunny personality, doesn't that just make you glad? 

XOXO-A child's presence is really all the presents I need. The Sunny D

Without ME it's just AWESO

I got these new fancy running compression socks for my legs, although I had the vein removed it seems another one has settled into the same place. The doctor says it will go away but who knows. I guess varicose veins are just a part of my life. These were $50 socks. I sort of coughed when I had to pay for them but they sure feel good when I run! I bought new shoes while I was at it.

This kid doesn't miss a thing. NOT A THING. I came down yesterday night to go for a run and he said, "Well hey sporty Momma, I see you got some new socks and shoes." I laughed. I took off for a run, I had been sort of tired and grumpy (see last post) It was a Monday. Enough said. I took a different route and I all of a sudden was so energized and happy. I enjoyed my surroundings as I ran behind Cosmo Dog Park and then up to Greenfield and back home. It was a short run but a good one. My legs started to get super tired on the way back and as I ran past the freeway I started to do ice skaters and dance to the songs on my iPhone. I skipped and I galloped and I just felt like a happy kid. I am sure the drivers that went by may have assumed with my socks and purple shoes and dancing that I was a little bit schizophrenic, but I was just having fun. It was an ODE to last years marathon. I realized as I walked into my home about 25 minutes later that this weekend it will be exactly one year since I ran it. I have been having some thoughts of running another one in March. Here are some pictures of my feet after my marathon. They are SERIOUSLY torn up after all that training, so sad!

I lost this nail six months later! It had a huge blister under it and it hurt pretty badly. I stuck a needle all the way down the middle of it to the cuticle but underneath the nail to pop that blister it was NASTY.

Of course JUST after a pedicure, I lose the dad gum nail. 

So I had this special look for another six months. 

 Anyway, what makes me nervous about another marathon is my legs. I have REALLY tight IT bands.  I recently took up hot yoga and have now attended twice. I am amazed at the knots people can pull themselves into. I AM SERIOUS. I can't even touch my toes yet. STILL SERIOUS. Which was alarming to me, I mean MAN ALIVE!?!? Now wonder I had IT band trouble. So I really think this yoga thing is really going to help me run. Maybe it is the key to breaking personal records.

YOGA-
A note about the body and emotions.
As I work through my yoga practice it takes a lot of focus to do some of the poses and breathing too. I have this spot in my lower back, the right side and it just ACHES it's like this fist of knots. As I work through each move my muscles slowly start to limber up. By the end my hips ache and that spot in my back is on fire. At the end of yoga you get to just lay on your mat for like three minutes in the dark and listen to the music but my back is in so much pain I can't even lie straight on my back. I even try to lay on my side, put a towel under my back for support..no dice. That is not good, yoga must be exactly where I need to be! Tonight I was sitting in pigeon pose. A pose that just KILLS me. I mean KILLS. This is half pigeon pose you can see if you have hamstring, IT band and lower back issues how this pose might just do the trick.

I held the pose and then there was this explosion release of tension in my right hip. It didn't hurt it was just like someone unscrewed the bolt one notch. As I felt this release I began to cry. It was so weird and I felt dumb, but no body saw me anyway. It was hot yoga so seriously you would never be able to tell if someone was crying OR sweating. I remembered that a counselor had told me that we hold emotions in certain parts of our bodies. I think now that maybe she was right. I couldn't tell you what emotion it was, just that it felt so good to let it go. So, I think yoga must also be emotionally healing too. I am looking forward to going again! Saturday morning is my next class. I can't tell you how clean you feel after leaving that class. It is weird I know, you sweat like you have never sweat before but its such a fantastic feeling. LOVE IT. 

AWESOME. XOXO-The Sunny D